Its a crazy world out there.
People just slipping in and out of ur life Just like that.
incredible number of ppl i've lost. Some intentional, some Unintentional.
Surfed by Iris's blog, and realized, how things have changed. well, she always says that she'd b there, and i too promised her that i'd be there. and look at how things are now. well, it isnt easy knowing that she's still kenneth's girlfriend. while I on the other hand have already lost eric. true enough, we ARE still friends despite my exbf and her current bf being best buddies.... Still..... no effort was made by either of us.
Maybe i aint important to her. Maybe she isnt important to me. I said id b there for her. but she's never turned to me, neither have i turned to her..hmm. havin tis confused feeling now. So is she Not there for me, or was i not there for her? Were we making use of each other, or is there realli such thing known as friendship? Friendship not due to circumstance. oh well..
Irregardless.. its gd 2 understand that life goes on. by hook or by crooK.
I was told to "have a good life ahead..."... sorry, but, even without ur "well-wishes". i still would have a good life.
Damn it. what do i want in a guy. i Wish i'd have a boyfriend like prisc. Im not turning les. but i wish i had a bf like her. She just knows sometimes. without having to make everything explicit. Isnt that good!? if everything has to be SPELT out. then why dont i just do things myself then!. hahaha..
Perfection's in the eye of the beholder. true enough, no ones perfect. In his eyes, i use to be perfect.. I can eat and eat and eat n grow fat and he wont mind. he'd say that its alright and HE MEANS IT!!.... i hate it when people complain that i eat too much or i shld eat less or go on diet or stop wasting $$ on food or say i shld exercise. I will try my utmost best to look good for myself, and eating isnt a sin, so as long as i still look good, why b other how much i eat!? screw anyone who tells me to eat less /lose weight. If it bothers u so much, then scOot!
Him in my eyes on the other hand... was that of a totally flawed person.. But i accepted it. tried polishing him.. Succeeded. And failed in a way, cuz he's no longer mine. I dont want him back either. and i mean it. hahaha... Being without him made me realize how much i do not want him in my life. nope, tis is not a self delusion. Cuz i believe...... i ought to get more than what ive gotten. (right OM?) Val's getting greeeeeeedy.... She wants to be treaten like how she ought to be... Enough of those shitty days. Enough of those teary eyed days.
2 choices. im getting a better life with someone else, or i get it on my own. Either way, there's no more room for an eric. or sad days. ~~Move bitch.~~
Oh Fugg.. paper's in less than 12 hrs. Shit!!.. and what am i doin here!!!>????
Sunday, October 30, 2005
pre ER
Sighhh.. so its 1 more day to ER paper, and i've got 1 more week to mug for my MOR paper. Hmmm. Now seriously, ER's a piece of crap. lemme rant:
1. It makes no Mention of ANYTHING bad about SG Govt. I aint sayin that they're bad etc. but its totally unrealistic. It makes mention of nothing but how good NTUC is, how the government sorta restructured etc. It somehow makes me feel as if i'm back into some pre war era, where Hitler Ruled, and we had to study the Mien Kampf! What bullshit. Now tell me something more realistic. would ya!?
2. I just got to realize that the bloOdy paper has got 3 parts, Section A= choose 4 out of 6 questions, at only 5 pathetic marks each, Next we are to chOoose between section B (2 out of 3) and C (case study) . 20marks each section. sooO, why the hell am i studying that WHOLE bloody thick stack of notes, when it all sums up to say 40 marks!?!? sighh..
Im becoming a 'mc donalds' fanatic. think the staff and the manager at west coast mcdonalds sorta recognize us already! haha.. promise to post the pix up when exams r over. for now... I'm really zonked out.
Oh.. wats more..... i left my hse keys at HOME. so technically, i'm still not home. pls. just dont ask where i am. shit. what a cock head...
1. It makes no Mention of ANYTHING bad about SG Govt. I aint sayin that they're bad etc. but its totally unrealistic. It makes mention of nothing but how good NTUC is, how the government sorta restructured etc. It somehow makes me feel as if i'm back into some pre war era, where Hitler Ruled, and we had to study the Mien Kampf! What bullshit. Now tell me something more realistic. would ya!?
2. I just got to realize that the bloOdy paper has got 3 parts, Section A= choose 4 out of 6 questions, at only 5 pathetic marks each, Next we are to chOoose between section B (2 out of 3) and C (case study) . 20marks each section. sooO, why the hell am i studying that WHOLE bloody thick stack of notes, when it all sums up to say 40 marks!?!? sighh..
Im becoming a 'mc donalds' fanatic. think the staff and the manager at west coast mcdonalds sorta recognize us already! haha.. promise to post the pix up when exams r over. for now... I'm really zonked out.
Oh.. wats more..... i left my hse keys at HOME. so technically, i'm still not home. pls. just dont ask where i am. shit. what a cock head...
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Post OE
Life's a play...
Everything would come to an end.
Well, just like the OE paper has already ended! =)
and many other things have come to a past.
a full stop. big round one.
its hard to open up sometimes...
hard to accept something new,
to put it simply and selfishly, i want the best of every world
i mean who doesnt!
To put it in an "ethical" way, i dotn want anyone hurt.
Especially those i care for.
So today this is being said, and i believe it,
tmr something else is being done, and there's nothing i can do!
So how in the world am i supposed to react!!?!??
I feel vulnerable to external elements.
I need time.
to Think, Consider, and hmm.. EnJOY!!!
most of all, to STUDY!!!!!
Bet none of this makes sense to any one of u. Life's full of mysteries aniwae..
To a particular YOU, If u're smart enough to find ur way here.
I want someone who trusts me, and whom i trust totally
i need someone to love me, and be able to share with me whatever he has with me no matter how much he has..
he gotta have some form of "zhi qi" (aspiration!?!???) as well as a future. one that he holds dearly, so dear he'd work towards it!
I will love someone who loves me for me.
actions...not words! i wanna see it. so DO IT!
I had that someone once. Now that he's gone and doesnt give a flyin fuck about me, it doesnt mean i feel the same. Aint finding a replica or replacement. Just that... these acts as benchmarking.
There's 1 person i love now.......... without the person, i'd be the saddest person in the world.
Love u priscy. Thanks for being there, and kicking me out of the "room" at nite whenever i do something "ammoral". hahaha.... Thanks for giving me the advises i need and a listening ear, as well as great companionship. Well, when i'm attached, the guy betta accept the fact that u're the "da lao puo" hehee...
Willam, Know u're readin this. Go Fuckin study! stop momo-ing.
stop whining
stop lookin for guilible chicks
stop stop stop sayin u'd drop out
Nitez all......
thank you Mr. J .. i just feel special again.
Everything would come to an end.
Well, just like the OE paper has already ended! =)
and many other things have come to a past.
a full stop. big round one.
its hard to open up sometimes...
hard to accept something new,
to put it simply and selfishly, i want the best of every world
i mean who doesnt!
To put it in an "ethical" way, i dotn want anyone hurt.
Especially those i care for.
So today this is being said, and i believe it,
tmr something else is being done, and there's nothing i can do!
So how in the world am i supposed to react!!?!??
I feel vulnerable to external elements.
I need time.
to Think, Consider, and hmm.. EnJOY!!!
most of all, to STUDY!!!!!
Bet none of this makes sense to any one of u. Life's full of mysteries aniwae..
To a particular YOU, If u're smart enough to find ur way here.
I want someone who trusts me, and whom i trust totally
i need someone to love me, and be able to share with me whatever he has with me no matter how much he has..
he gotta have some form of "zhi qi" (aspiration!?!???) as well as a future. one that he holds dearly, so dear he'd work towards it!
I will love someone who loves me for me.
actions...not words! i wanna see it. so DO IT!
I had that someone once. Now that he's gone and doesnt give a flyin fuck about me, it doesnt mean i feel the same. Aint finding a replica or replacement. Just that... these acts as benchmarking.
There's 1 person i love now.......... without the person, i'd be the saddest person in the world.
Love u priscy. Thanks for being there, and kicking me out of the "room" at nite whenever i do something "ammoral". hahaha.... Thanks for giving me the advises i need and a listening ear, as well as great companionship. Well, when i'm attached, the guy betta accept the fact that u're the "da lao puo" hehee...
Willam, Know u're readin this. Go Fuckin study! stop momo-ing.
stop whining
stop lookin for guilible chicks
stop stop stop sayin u'd drop out
Nitez all......
thank you Mr. J .. i just feel special again.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
assholes.
Leme rant. im supposed 2 b studyin feelin so screwed.. neverhteless..
Fuckin STupid Stupid sTUPID Guys!
im fuckin DULAN with GUYS in general! u suck! damn it! quit playing with feelings! dont go arnd toying with feelings. i dont give a fuckin care if ur feelings are true! its only true when u decide to let go and make it seem as if it isnt any of ur fault! TO heLL with u!!!!!!!
Fuckin shit!
arghHh.... be it me, or my friend. just fuckin leave them alone!
damn it. quit playing. guys dont get the best of both worlds ALL the time.
and dont push the blame to others!!!!!!
If u're so bz. Then dont bother her. if u cant commit, dont tell her. if u dont like her now, dont apologize! screwed up shit!hope u crash and burn!
u dont know how much hurt u cause.... asshole.
Fuckin STupid Stupid sTUPID Guys!
im fuckin DULAN with GUYS in general! u suck! damn it! quit playing with feelings! dont go arnd toying with feelings. i dont give a fuckin care if ur feelings are true! its only true when u decide to let go and make it seem as if it isnt any of ur fault! TO heLL with u!!!!!!!
Fuckin shit!
arghHh.... be it me, or my friend. just fuckin leave them alone!
damn it. quit playing. guys dont get the best of both worlds ALL the time.
and dont push the blame to others!!!!!!
If u're so bz. Then dont bother her. if u cant commit, dont tell her. if u dont like her now, dont apologize! screwed up shit!hope u crash and burn!
u dont know how much hurt u cause.... asshole.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Back for awhile..
Sighhhh... Studies r goin really slow n bad... havent got the time 2 slp much. not 2 mention BLOG.. grRrr..
Only have got time for brief n incomplete posts as such:
Sigh.. some things just can’t be controlled I guess.. These days, i'm totally maxed out, I don’t even have the luxury to watch my taped shows, neither do I take long relaxing showers nor surf the web endlessly..
Yet at the same time, after I snooze to bed, I inevitably dream of things which I so hate to dream of.. I use to see it as some form of remembrance, now, it's nothing but mere hindrance.
Well, I do admit that I do get weird dreams at times, but it's purely due to my wild imagination! Haha.. The horrible thing about having dreams is to remember the dream vividly after waking up. It just bugs you, just like how some songs gets stuck between your eardrum & brains, constantly playing the jingle on it's own.. Simply irritating! Well, not if u like the song of cuz.. I on the other hand DO NOT like having certain dreams with a certain character in it. uh-uh! No thanks! It sucks la!
Oh, let me share this 'Thomas'-fetish.. Heh..
when I just entered primary 1, I SWEAR I was cute n adorable.. So FuHua primary had this prefectorial system, n this boy was assigned to be the Prefect of my class. The then 1G. And yes, the story goes on.. he was cute, at least at that point I thought so.......................
Incomplete, i know. wld complete it nxt time larhz. :P
For now..its bed time.
Made a couple of new found friends, and they're kinda fun 2 be with! =) too bad for now it's only for STUDIES.. at the usual haunt. argh.
In the meanwhile... I'm so sick so sick so sick of everything that's goin on these days. Sometimes, i think i've HAD ENOUGH!! Enough shit, and emotional wrecking perceptions. I hardly know what i want!. it's like my my brains and my heart just decided to go on strike! Rationality and emotions dont seem to coincide perfectly. Hence my troubled situation.
Hence for now, Im just gona do whatever deem fit. Prisc says i dont know wat i want, and i think she's sick of my whining already (but she still loves me :P)... Guess... I'm like that cuz im still having a battle of the hearts vs brains.
Sometimes, i DO want somethings, but situations put it in a way that Things are no longer attainable. When i get negative response, i'm fine with it. I just get dejected, and i'd be all fine!.. what i cant take about myself, is the highly volatile effect things have on my emotions!. i'm like on a roller coaster ride. Blind folded. Not knowing when the nxt plunge wld be. Val's bad at controlling emotions. I speak my mind. Now i'm thinking its one big flaw of mine....
Oh.. and by the way... If nothing were to happen in bangkok, we'd be together for............ 1Yr, 3mths. HappyBreak up val!. Life cant get any better!! You're having a time of ur life.. aint ya!?!? **sigh**
Only have got time for brief n incomplete posts as such:
Sigh.. some things just can’t be controlled I guess.. These days, i'm totally maxed out, I don’t even have the luxury to watch my taped shows, neither do I take long relaxing showers nor surf the web endlessly..
Yet at the same time, after I snooze to bed, I inevitably dream of things which I so hate to dream of.. I use to see it as some form of remembrance, now, it's nothing but mere hindrance.
Well, I do admit that I do get weird dreams at times, but it's purely due to my wild imagination! Haha.. The horrible thing about having dreams is to remember the dream vividly after waking up. It just bugs you, just like how some songs gets stuck between your eardrum & brains, constantly playing the jingle on it's own.. Simply irritating! Well, not if u like the song of cuz.. I on the other hand DO NOT like having certain dreams with a certain character in it. uh-uh! No thanks! It sucks la!
Oh, let me share this 'Thomas'-fetish.. Heh..
when I just entered primary 1, I SWEAR I was cute n adorable.. So FuHua primary had this prefectorial system, n this boy was assigned to be the Prefect of my class. The then 1G. And yes, the story goes on.. he was cute, at least at that point I thought so.......................
Incomplete, i know. wld complete it nxt time larhz. :P
For now..its bed time.
Made a couple of new found friends, and they're kinda fun 2 be with! =) too bad for now it's only for STUDIES.. at the usual haunt. argh.
In the meanwhile... I'm so sick so sick so sick of everything that's goin on these days. Sometimes, i think i've HAD ENOUGH!! Enough shit, and emotional wrecking perceptions. I hardly know what i want!. it's like my my brains and my heart just decided to go on strike! Rationality and emotions dont seem to coincide perfectly. Hence my troubled situation.
Hence for now, Im just gona do whatever deem fit. Prisc says i dont know wat i want, and i think she's sick of my whining already (but she still loves me :P)... Guess... I'm like that cuz im still having a battle of the hearts vs brains.
Sometimes, i DO want somethings, but situations put it in a way that Things are no longer attainable. When i get negative response, i'm fine with it. I just get dejected, and i'd be all fine!.. what i cant take about myself, is the highly volatile effect things have on my emotions!. i'm like on a roller coaster ride. Blind folded. Not knowing when the nxt plunge wld be. Val's bad at controlling emotions. I speak my mind. Now i'm thinking its one big flaw of mine....
Oh.. and by the way... If nothing were to happen in bangkok, we'd be together for............ 1Yr, 3mths. HappyBreak up val!. Life cant get any better!! You're having a time of ur life.. aint ya!?!? **sigh**
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Wisdom tooth VS. Relationships
Just like a wisdom tooth....
Well, we all use our molars to chew on things like Ice, Meat.. fine.. almost everything that gets in and down the esophagus. hah..
Before i extracted the my wisdom tooth, i didnt knew i even Used it.. well, we've got molars, who uses that wisdom tooth which popped up long after the rest? it only hurts, and we know we've gotta get it extracted sooner or later. Lucky ones get to keep it for life..... Unlucky ppl have it crooked and it causes intense headache at the same time...
Well now that it's extracted, there goes the head(heart)ache... It bled like no body's business... But bleeding has long stopped... Had the wound stitched up... Only to have it "unstitched" again... Felt numb.. after the jab.. but when things wear off... i feel the hurt again...
Now.. All i've left is a scar... Even the gum has receeded. However..... when i bite onto things.. i realize... I no longer have the ability to do so on THAT side... Not that well at least... Its just an empty "hole"... There used to be something there... to facilitate everday action... There use to be something close and personal. Which caused ocassional pain.. but i was too hasty to get rid of it..
Now that it's gone.... i can only look at the remnants... the single tooth.. It's no longer embeded in my gum... no way can it get back there.. hah..
Well.. isnt it a good analogy of Feelings.. Relationships... Hmm Mine especially.
Weird analogy. but True. =)
Back to books.
Well, we all use our molars to chew on things like Ice, Meat.. fine.. almost everything that gets in and down the esophagus. hah..
Before i extracted the my wisdom tooth, i didnt knew i even Used it.. well, we've got molars, who uses that wisdom tooth which popped up long after the rest? it only hurts, and we know we've gotta get it extracted sooner or later. Lucky ones get to keep it for life..... Unlucky ppl have it crooked and it causes intense headache at the same time...
Well now that it's extracted, there goes the head(heart)ache... It bled like no body's business... But bleeding has long stopped... Had the wound stitched up... Only to have it "unstitched" again... Felt numb.. after the jab.. but when things wear off... i feel the hurt again...
Now.. All i've left is a scar... Even the gum has receeded. However..... when i bite onto things.. i realize... I no longer have the ability to do so on THAT side... Not that well at least... Its just an empty "hole"... There used to be something there... to facilitate everday action... There use to be something close and personal. Which caused ocassional pain.. but i was too hasty to get rid of it..
Now that it's gone.... i can only look at the remnants... the single tooth.. It's no longer embeded in my gum... no way can it get back there.. hah..
Well.. isnt it a good analogy of Feelings.. Relationships... Hmm Mine especially.
Weird analogy. but True. =)
Back to books.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Failed my OE!!
Fugg... Prisc and I failed our OE Pair project. TMD....
feel so screwed. Think we'd do much worst for the GROUP project. Think Exams are gona be tougher. Think we're gona screw it all.....
What if i fail.. Then i wont be able to go to AUSTRALIA!!! i've never felt this way. i was always confident that i'd never fail ANYTHING. oh shite.
Exams are in say less than 2 weeks and i'm so totally NOT prepared.
Cya guys in awhile... Not gona blog for sometime :S gona mug.. *i think*
sigh. At times as such. i Just need a hug. a nice biggg one. preferably from the back.
Byeee peeps!! Be back in NO time!!
feel so screwed. Think we'd do much worst for the GROUP project. Think Exams are gona be tougher. Think we're gona screw it all.....
What if i fail.. Then i wont be able to go to AUSTRALIA!!! i've never felt this way. i was always confident that i'd never fail ANYTHING. oh shite.
Exams are in say less than 2 weeks and i'm so totally NOT prepared.
Cya guys in awhile... Not gona blog for sometime :S gona mug.. *i think*
sigh. At times as such. i Just need a hug. a nice biggg one. preferably from the back.
Byeee peeps!! Be back in NO time!!
Monday, October 10, 2005
My 1st Ever Blind date... With KEY
presenting..... My mysterious
*hunk-less* BLIND DATE!!!
asdf
Starring:
LOVE SICK *sick of love* , Self Proclaimed Hotties
Princess KEY + Vainpot VAL
in their FIRST EVER
asdf
Self Directed+Taken+Posed+Transfered = happy
PHOTOSHOOT!
asfd
~~Revenge of the Photo Sluts~~
heeHee.. For the minority who read my prev entry n thought i'd b meeting a GUY, u're SO WRONG. But i swear going out with her beats going out with any HunK available. =)
The day started really bad with showers over the area and threatening claps of thunder. Then scatter brain vaL started leaving things behind and forgeting this and that... Priscy calls us "double trouble".. *grumbles* we're THAT troublesome meHhhh...
SaKae didnt taste fantastic.. Better than nuthing tho. But i'd rather eat at the food court nxt time round.
For those who dont already know, "VAIN"-vaL takes extreme care of her face, and she never leaves home w/o her sunblock *except in the night of cuz..* (moon block!? *puzzled*) With the strong sun, i need LOTS n LOTS of sunblock.
WooHoo! sun!!!... finally a chance to get a decent tan.. Is that ang moh lookin our directioN!? Come on, Motivate me... more Bikinis!! get me afew brazillian bikinis frm NUM and i'd gladly pucker up and give anyone a big fat kiss. Who's gona get it for me? the cards that i'd be swiping, and miss KEY who's gona bargain some discounts for me. =) There u go... happy US, Gleaming under the sun. pHoOo.. Hot hot hot. *refering to Key + weather*..
Left our stuff back there, and headed back to the vball courts where the pros were happily playing ball. Us being photoslutishly-goodfornothing-lazyshitass-with-flabified-globofmutatedmuscles-Girls in bikini, we sipped our ILT, sat, chatted, and stonned. oh. + phtos of cuz.
CHEERS DUDE! I love my ILT
Then Poser vaL had to.. yes, POSE. trying to act demure and serious, staring at some distant object... OK failed terribly. No idea how the hungry-ghost "ah lian" look alike picture came about.. Natural =) so me... so FOOD..
SEE!!!! isnt she CUTE!! hehehee sucha sweetie =) simply aaadddorrrraaaablleee **pinch**
WITH our sunnies
AND without! wow.. i'm fair... *sunblock's working!*
Mysterious Arabian Ladies..... WHo are they!?!?!
Wahahaha WHO ELSE!! US LAR!!! Look at the cheeky faces! =)
After a longgg day under the damaging sunrays.. WE STILL LOOK GOOD despite scrubbing our face clean of makeup/skincare. Looking REd...
Go ahead.. i Know u're all dying to get to her friendster/msn/blog/etc. Sorry. Join the queue pls. and i mean the back of it. William comes infront of u guys *oops* sorry dude. :P
Check Her out HERE!!
had a great time with ya babe! and PRISC, pls join us nxt dae!. sigh u n carol managed to get the hunks that time round.. WHAT'S WRONG WITH KEY AND MYSELF!?!?!? *grumbles* cummon lar... share the "luck!"? hehehehee
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Supper with mr Z.
It's 440am, and i'm to wake up in.... 4 hours time?? gosh..
Gona have a blind Date tmr! hehe..
Just the 2 of us, to sentosa..
We've got a hidden agenda of cuz.
Lets pray that the weather's all bright n sunny! yay!
Just got back frm Supper with Mr Z. =)
He sorta sneaked out n so did i.. the difference?? he reached damn early, and i had trouble finding the car. Walked almost the entire multi storey carpark, and YET i cant find the blardee CAR!!!! driven to desperation, i went bk up, and nudged dad... "daddy,.. where's the car!?!?"
ya right, so much bout sneaking out. hah. failure. There wasnt a need 2 sneak out actually. as long as mum doesnt find out. Dad's perfectly fine with things.. =)
Had a nice chat with him over prata, and i showed him some Photos of the past... caught up a lil...clarified some 8 year misunderstanding etc.. hilarious. :P Enjoyed the company. Felt at ease and i found that he hasnt changed much!soon, it was time 2 get back. Lets meet up some other time... my treat nxt time..
Wasnt his pay day Yet, n i thought he'd be kinda broke. when i found out hw much his "salary" was..... my sympathy vanished. Damn. More than mine!!!!! ITS ONLY RIGHT THAT U PAY!! GRRR.. hahaa
Was supposed to study!!! Hence rejected the few offers to go out.. sorry.. Some were understanding, some were persuasive, others were trying to get "sympathy". Sorry dude. doesnt work. hah. but the bottom line is..... I WISH I WENT OUT!!!! didnt do much studying. maj of my time spent watching Duce Bigalow!!! anyone wants to watch the European Giggalo tt opens on 13th?
Okies, bed time.
Cya!
Sigh.. saturdays... a day where ppl spent it with their other halfs. be it dinner, argument, movies, meet up, chat.. u still HAVE your other half. cherish it.
Gona have a blind Date tmr! hehe..
Just the 2 of us, to sentosa..
We've got a hidden agenda of cuz.
Lets pray that the weather's all bright n sunny! yay!
Just got back frm Supper with Mr Z. =)
He sorta sneaked out n so did i.. the difference?? he reached damn early, and i had trouble finding the car. Walked almost the entire multi storey carpark, and YET i cant find the blardee CAR!!!! driven to desperation, i went bk up, and nudged dad... "daddy,.. where's the car!?!?"
ya right, so much bout sneaking out. hah. failure. There wasnt a need 2 sneak out actually. as long as mum doesnt find out. Dad's perfectly fine with things.. =)
Had a nice chat with him over prata, and i showed him some Photos of the past... caught up a lil...clarified some 8 year misunderstanding etc.. hilarious. :P Enjoyed the company. Felt at ease and i found that he hasnt changed much!soon, it was time 2 get back. Lets meet up some other time... my treat nxt time..
Wasnt his pay day Yet, n i thought he'd be kinda broke. when i found out hw much his "salary" was..... my sympathy vanished. Damn. More than mine!!!!! ITS ONLY RIGHT THAT U PAY!! GRRR.. hahaa
Was supposed to study!!! Hence rejected the few offers to go out.. sorry.. Some were understanding, some were persuasive, others were trying to get "sympathy". Sorry dude. doesnt work. hah. but the bottom line is..... I WISH I WENT OUT!!!! didnt do much studying. maj of my time spent watching Duce Bigalow!!! anyone wants to watch the European Giggalo tt opens on 13th?
Okies, bed time.
Cya!
Sigh.. saturdays... a day where ppl spent it with their other halfs. be it dinner, argument, movies, meet up, chat.. u still HAVE your other half. cherish it.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Pix galore
PICTURES (As promised)
Loaded the M18 pics instead of the R21 ones...
Only DIRECT participants would get a view of the R21 pix. heh.. ENJOY!
PRESENTING: The Birthday GirL MeryL aka Jiaen aka Kaya aka dexter's owner :P
As i mentioned, theplace was awfully empty that nite, Hence, we had the INSIDE seats.. L to R: Vanassa, Xueling, Jiaen, Claire, and MEEE!
Den we decided to have a candid shot! :D the 2 unlucky Male species wld be Mr Jerrid Sooon the left, n Kenn tann on the right
Had a waterfall... Look at our expressions!!! hahaa... No idea y kenn gave that expression, but i was laughing my heads off, cuz my straw got burnt... and... i drank like a sip? hehehe
My Girlfriend and her Scandal GF!! *gRrr*
Another Comical shot of Meryl, Ken, and Mongkut the Monkey
Waterfall PREVIEW!! Fwoahhh So high as compared to dbl O! bleahh
US again!!
Mr Tann and myself
the BLOATED FACE contest.. ayah.. xueling didnt do it.. but overall, i tink im the winner.. my face looks "Popped" haha
A really nice shot! haha... with xueling meditating!
YaY!! where's vanassa!!!??
mmm Human pyramid? stack up??
The twinz Meryl n Mya!
Cheer leader material...
Then, we decided to get creative... Poor jerrid...
6 Flaming Lambo... Claire was spared.. she's sick... hah
And lastly..... the PONDERER(s).... was quite a thinker that nite... even after i got back.... thinking about... manythings... yet nothing in particular... hmmm
Alright, know my pix arent exactly sized well etc...
i'm in a RUSHHHHHH gotta head 2 work sooN!
=PooF=
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Happy Birthday Meryl!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MERYL!!
(your fave col!)
Anyway.. the 7 of us headed do alley bar, with claire waiting (alone) at macdonalds for me. Swear it wasnt my fault, i had to wait 15 mins at city hall for the train to somerset! It was really empty at alley bar. No idea why. but we got the SOFA seats!! YaY!!.. Shortly after, Kenn, MeryL and Mya came along, ordered, drinks, food.. then came Vanassa and Jerrid after work.
Each had a round of drinks, then was our "treat" to meryl... WATERFALL!.. it feels like we're having a nigara falls here as compared to the substandard waterfall we had a dbl0. Meryl had 1, Kenn had 1, Mya had 4/5 and val had 1/5. We were supposed to SHARE.. but due to unforseen circumstances.. we didnt :P =) was really kinda hilarious.. heh...
Next was Rouge.. John Molina was there! been a longgg time since i've seen him perform. the last was at china bar... Back in those days where i frequent the place as well as the "THEN" S.O.S. with Jesse, and Josh and the rest of them..
Bahh.. Each had another round of Flaming Lambo, and had a jug v v v nice drink.. (Lychee Liquer + 7Up.. it looks good with the cherries in it too!), which WE, the 5-10 addicts used it to keep ourselves entertained. True enough many other "theories" came about, and some just kept drinking, while others didnt touch a drop.
The night's Over in a flash.. What to do.. Work n all.. sigh. no choice. Went off to coffee club for supper, with drunk damien joining us, kenn calling his damien's ex gf.. Some of my sob story.. and discussion of the upcoming "Lip-stache" party!! i really hope it does materialize.. =(
As to why i was late to meet Claire!? i fell asleep. but there was a pERrrrfectly reasonable explanation! was exhausted... Went blading in the afternoon with vif at ECP. Bladed for a full 3hrs or so, and "sprinting" at the last leg of it. My ass and thighs feels kinda soRe now..
Reached home at 530, saw mum's Black face, showered, Msged afew others, and fell DEAD asleep...
I had nice dreams... no. nice DREAM. (singular). :P... Dreamt of something sweet.. something which made me smile... but something that's er.. really illogical, and nonsensical.. Who cares! i was happy in the dream!!
Sigh.. i promise MORE pictures!! that's after i Get them... :S
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Pian Jian
A song that sings my feelings.. Hmmm... Mandarin song... dont bother clicking if u're a 100% potato.
偏见-梁咏琪
我手心的温度渐渐在离
开你口中的谎言慢慢能明白
早知求也求不回来
即使最后只剩残骸
心不会更改没有祝福我明白
看凋零的玫瑰在静静发呆
朋友对我责怪要我放得开
固执对我是种虐待
越爱得深越难抛开
爱是种偏见如果可以再重来
我明白爱情已经超载
爱的完全坏了姿态
你冷眼看待就像是种伤害
我好像站在无人山崖
全世界都抛在外
明知你不再回来
我早已明白...
sheeSh.. cant see it!? HERE U GO!!! =)
Tribute....
Its a drizzly rainy night, and all i wish to do now, is snuggle up in bed, and fall deep into an abyss of sleep, soft petals and comfortable loving arms. *SNAP* Unfortunately, there's projects to do, AND there are too many things on my mind. Guess once again i'd blog, its part of my memory. Just more truthful with vulgarities, harsh facts, as well as sugar and spice.
To me and many others, Memories fade, so does feelings.. even love, everything with TIME. A blog's a snapshot of my life... I'd forget things in time to come, even lessons i've learnt. A blog, like a diary, serves as memorable scribbles, at that very point in time..
I felt devastated yesterday. Still am now.. and for a long long time to come i suppose. Just that now.. i feel thankful and grateful for whatever i have. In case i never live to tell the world how i feel, here's my sincere tribute to all those who apparently care..
Disclaimer:
In no order of prefernce,
non-exhausive,
may include fatalities such as unintentional omission, due to failing memory and tired burnt out mind, as well as a broken heart.
Not everione reads it... not everything is intended for everyone.. aniwae... it's a
LONGGGGG post..
Priscilla
My buddy in school as well as out of school, she's one person i can pick up the phone n buzz any time. and feel comfortable talking to her about anything under the sun. Our idealogies may differ at times, but as a whole, i really enjoy her company and whatever probs we've shared with each other. She shares with me her guy probs, and so do i.. Thank god we've got different taste in guys..
She wants to help me, but she knows there's no way she can do so. All she does is to stay there, and just BE THERE for me. hearing me whine, listening to how upset i am at times. Watching my crappy side in schoool, and face the upset depresed val at home. She wishes me the best... and i sincerely thank her for all her wishes. No matter what happens. You're one person i can count on. N you can count on me too babe. Thank You.
Jac
-Space out- Thinking of the times in poly, tinking of butterscotchnmint. thinking of what happened, and why we arent as close as before. Situational factors i'd say. we enjoyed each other's company, we were in the same class etc. Yet... i guess, we lead different lifestyles. She's the dare-devil. defying everything and anything, and going for whatever she believes in and doing whatever she deems fit. She look great, dress great.. I really look up to her. Guess we became apart in yr 3.. and subsequently the story goes.
One day, u msged me, saying that.... there's always an old friend back there which i can turn back to... i almost teared after reading that msg. You're an Old friend... i realized. But u still care, and u still DO bother. Our lives may not cross path that much, neither do we make an effort for it to! Yet u msged me, telling me that u'd be there if i ever need you. Thank you for letting me know that i'm never forgotten... No matter how many million other friends u have made.
Dora
I've got no idea why i msged u online when i realized tt u were down... do u consider that as "being there for u?" i just felt the sudden impulse to talk to you, and make sure u were better. Now... i guess u're moving on... not totally well for sure, but definately moving on. Yet, you turn back, to see where i am... u turn back, and stretched out a helping hand... in aid to pull me up frm the quicksand i'm in. You made me realize that perhaps.... one good deed deserves another. I had no "need" to speak to you... but then, you prolly wont give a damn to what happen to me.. U've been there, been through much worst stuff. and u're back up on ur feet... still wobbly, but definately up. U're an inspiration, and a motivation... because u make me wana stand up too! thank you dora, for the lil attention you bestow on me.
Zheng Hong Wei
Who are u!? guess most readers dont know who u are... You might not even remember who u are to me... Let me refresh your memory then.. You are the guy, whom i liked in primary school. we had this "thing" going on, where you'd sent me home frm school, and i'd deliberately stay back. You'd write me these songs with edited lyrics. and a "card" with ur number address etc. Guess that's what u term as childhood romance aint it!? Then.. u were also the guy, who stood me up on my b-day on that year where i was pri 5, ( or is it 6?)... We went home 2gether every wed.. Yet.... on MY birthday.. you didnt turn up... i found out u went back with some other girl. what a "break up".. haha. i was upset back then. But i definately got over u mr zheng. If there's any one ever gona be between us, then now and in future. it'll be Man United! haha..
You re-found me through someone's some's someons friend!? or is it!? hmm. U remembered, u took the effort! *impressed*.. what impressed me further, is that.. you READ MY BLOG!!! and u even msg me asking me 2 cheer up. i mean, reading a blog, and msging some to make sure the person's fine may be something that's normal to others.. but definately not to me. When i saw ur msg in lecture. I smiled. I smiled because an 8 year friend is found (again), and he cares. wait. It's 10 years already!!! Thank you hongwei.. thankyou bus 334.. thank you Chinese lessons, which brought us together.
Princess Key.
I dont think ever we spoke more than 10 sentenses in person to each other... Priscy's right. we're kinda alike. Yes, we're both chatter boxes.. we're both stupid and heart broken, and played out. baHh.. You're pretty.. *whispers* SO AM I!.. hahaha.. ok, u win, :P the truth is.. you're more eligible than me!!!!!!! well, it's true u dont like just ANY guy.. but, wise up my dear, you and me, we'd go through our probs these shit time togetheer.
Thank you for constantly being online, so i'd have SOMEONE to turn to. On that devastating morning, u were there, "reading" me pour my heart n soul out... U gave me the courage and strength to make certain decisions, that i have yet to regret. We hardly know each other. yet you're someone i consider a Friend. Guess i just have to think of myself... and that's probably u!? well... modified version of cuz... Priscy said we were similar.. *grinz*... thank you babe. Thank you for making me feel less alienated in this world of fugged decisions.
Kenn
thank you for entertaining me Online, and even at work... u're one funny guy.. hardly know u... dont even think u say much consoling words.. you just make me laugh. You're one funny guy.. Feel entertained n lightheart when u're around. Thinking back on some of ur antics *personal secret* i'd juz grin frm ear to ear. u're a great guy...even when u say "Fucking customer".. it feels like a joke, and i cant feel ur anger.. hah... u provide a sense of momentarily happiness, where i just forget things at that point of time. and you're prolly the only one who bothers to DRAW!!!
Thank you, for being yourself,and at the same time entertaing me!
OM
You of all person should know how i feel, somethings are meant to be said, other meant to be kept close to the heart... Whenever i've got no idea where my msgs and feelings at the spur of the moment should go, it'll be to u. u're ever understanding to my temprement.. and u even empathize with me sharing ur views, experiences, thoughts and many more... so so so much more... always believing in my capabilities and telling me how good i am, in hope of making me really believe that i am what u think i am..
I promise.. i will not compromise. In that way.. you wont need to worry. =) thank you for everything and so much more. P.s. that includes the cake. That's really sweet. U're right..its like a birthday!! a new beginning.. i'd be celebrating it.. not just today, but Every day of my life.
~~~~ to be continued~~~~~ many more to go... look out for it... =)
i'm tired... time for bed :)
To me and many others, Memories fade, so does feelings.. even love, everything with TIME. A blog's a snapshot of my life... I'd forget things in time to come, even lessons i've learnt. A blog, like a diary, serves as memorable scribbles, at that very point in time..
I felt devastated yesterday. Still am now.. and for a long long time to come i suppose. Just that now.. i feel thankful and grateful for whatever i have. In case i never live to tell the world how i feel, here's my sincere tribute to all those who apparently care..
Disclaimer:
In no order of prefernce,
non-exhausive,
may include fatalities such as unintentional omission, due to failing memory and tired burnt out mind, as well as a broken heart.
Not everione reads it... not everything is intended for everyone.. aniwae... it's a
LONGGGGG post..
Priscilla
My buddy in school as well as out of school, she's one person i can pick up the phone n buzz any time. and feel comfortable talking to her about anything under the sun. Our idealogies may differ at times, but as a whole, i really enjoy her company and whatever probs we've shared with each other. She shares with me her guy probs, and so do i.. Thank god we've got different taste in guys..
She wants to help me, but she knows there's no way she can do so. All she does is to stay there, and just BE THERE for me. hearing me whine, listening to how upset i am at times. Watching my crappy side in schoool, and face the upset depresed val at home. She wishes me the best... and i sincerely thank her for all her wishes. No matter what happens. You're one person i can count on. N you can count on me too babe. Thank You.
Jac
-Space out- Thinking of the times in poly, tinking of butterscotchnmint. thinking of what happened, and why we arent as close as before. Situational factors i'd say. we enjoyed each other's company, we were in the same class etc. Yet... i guess, we lead different lifestyles. She's the dare-devil. defying everything and anything, and going for whatever she believes in and doing whatever she deems fit. She look great, dress great.. I really look up to her. Guess we became apart in yr 3.. and subsequently the story goes.
One day, u msged me, saying that.... there's always an old friend back there which i can turn back to... i almost teared after reading that msg. You're an Old friend... i realized. But u still care, and u still DO bother. Our lives may not cross path that much, neither do we make an effort for it to! Yet u msged me, telling me that u'd be there if i ever need you. Thank you for letting me know that i'm never forgotten... No matter how many million other friends u have made.
Dora
I've got no idea why i msged u online when i realized tt u were down... do u consider that as "being there for u?" i just felt the sudden impulse to talk to you, and make sure u were better. Now... i guess u're moving on... not totally well for sure, but definately moving on. Yet, you turn back, to see where i am... u turn back, and stretched out a helping hand... in aid to pull me up frm the quicksand i'm in. You made me realize that perhaps.... one good deed deserves another. I had no "need" to speak to you... but then, you prolly wont give a damn to what happen to me.. U've been there, been through much worst stuff. and u're back up on ur feet... still wobbly, but definately up. U're an inspiration, and a motivation... because u make me wana stand up too! thank you dora, for the lil attention you bestow on me.
Zheng Hong Wei
Who are u!? guess most readers dont know who u are... You might not even remember who u are to me... Let me refresh your memory then.. You are the guy, whom i liked in primary school. we had this "thing" going on, where you'd sent me home frm school, and i'd deliberately stay back. You'd write me these songs with edited lyrics. and a "card" with ur number address etc. Guess that's what u term as childhood romance aint it!? Then.. u were also the guy, who stood me up on my b-day on that year where i was pri 5, ( or is it 6?)... We went home 2gether every wed.. Yet.... on MY birthday.. you didnt turn up... i found out u went back with some other girl. what a "break up".. haha. i was upset back then. But i definately got over u mr zheng. If there's any one ever gona be between us, then now and in future. it'll be Man United! haha..
You re-found me through someone's some's someons friend!? or is it!? hmm. U remembered, u took the effort! *impressed*.. what impressed me further, is that.. you READ MY BLOG!!! and u even msg me asking me 2 cheer up. i mean, reading a blog, and msging some to make sure the person's fine may be something that's normal to others.. but definately not to me. When i saw ur msg in lecture. I smiled. I smiled because an 8 year friend is found (again), and he cares. wait. It's 10 years already!!! Thank you hongwei.. thankyou bus 334.. thank you Chinese lessons, which brought us together.
Princess Key.
I dont think ever we spoke more than 10 sentenses in person to each other... Priscy's right. we're kinda alike. Yes, we're both chatter boxes.. we're both stupid and heart broken, and played out. baHh.. You're pretty.. *whispers* SO AM I!.. hahaha.. ok, u win, :P the truth is.. you're more eligible than me!!!!!!! well, it's true u dont like just ANY guy.. but, wise up my dear, you and me, we'd go through our probs these shit time togetheer.
Thank you for constantly being online, so i'd have SOMEONE to turn to. On that devastating morning, u were there, "reading" me pour my heart n soul out... U gave me the courage and strength to make certain decisions, that i have yet to regret. We hardly know each other. yet you're someone i consider a Friend. Guess i just have to think of myself... and that's probably u!? well... modified version of cuz... Priscy said we were similar.. *grinz*... thank you babe. Thank you for making me feel less alienated in this world of fugged decisions.
Kenn
thank you for entertaining me Online, and even at work... u're one funny guy.. hardly know u... dont even think u say much consoling words.. you just make me laugh. You're one funny guy.. Feel entertained n lightheart when u're around. Thinking back on some of ur antics *personal secret* i'd juz grin frm ear to ear. u're a great guy...even when u say "Fucking customer".. it feels like a joke, and i cant feel ur anger.. hah... u provide a sense of momentarily happiness, where i just forget things at that point of time. and you're prolly the only one who bothers to DRAW!!!
Thank you, for being yourself,and at the same time entertaing me!
OM
You of all person should know how i feel, somethings are meant to be said, other meant to be kept close to the heart... Whenever i've got no idea where my msgs and feelings at the spur of the moment should go, it'll be to u. u're ever understanding to my temprement.. and u even empathize with me sharing ur views, experiences, thoughts and many more... so so so much more... always believing in my capabilities and telling me how good i am, in hope of making me really believe that i am what u think i am..
I promise.. i will not compromise. In that way.. you wont need to worry. =) thank you for everything and so much more. P.s. that includes the cake. That's really sweet. U're right..its like a birthday!! a new beginning.. i'd be celebrating it.. not just today, but Every day of my life.
~~~~ to be continued~~~~~ many more to go... look out for it... =)
i'm tired... time for bed :)
Sunday, October 02, 2005
I begged you to stay...
How can your feelings change within such a short period of time? Feelings changes with time.. but such a short time!? you're already used to being alone!?
How about me!? mine just increased with time..
"You're begining 2 treat me like a friend, you're getting used to being alone, time plays a big role, you dont wat things to turn out this way, u didnt want things to turn out this way, u never meant to give me hope, its your fault, you're, sorry, forget about you, get on with the future, you shall not explain yourself, give each other sometime to cool down, your love is fading away"
Those are the words u said that really broke my heart. I begged you to stay... I asked if u love me, i told u to come back to me... but u heartlessly turned me down. How could you. Just within this short period of time!? Your words are evident that you do not want me back... Yet i keep holding on to that lil glimmer of hope, wishing you'd turn back someday... Why give me hope when u never meant to. I feel played.
Love vs Hate. Just a fine line. I hate you.
When i asked you to come back to me... You said u need more time... its evident that u dont want me animore..
I begged you to stay.... i pleaded with u.. yet you turned your back on me..
Please come back to me... I dont care about the past.... i just know i do not wana be without you... i dont want to cry everynight, and have nightmares after that..
Guess its really over... Your heart's void of all feelings of me..
But stil... I love u darling. and please... Come back... You were so manythings to me... and i lost them all. I just want to hear u say that u love me once more...
I'm breaking down. i cant take it animore. what does it take for u to say u love me!? i'd give anything just to have u back..
quick.. come back... it's never to late to come back... Please... please come back.... if u dont want to.. at least stay the way u were...dont go anyfurthur.... i cant hold on to you, when u keep pushing me back.
I always want to love u. i want u to feel the same. There's no other like u.... and there's only ONE ME!!pls... pls stay....
How can your feelings change within such a short period of time? Feelings changes with time.. but such a short time!? you're already used to being alone!?
How about me!? mine just increased with time..
"You're begining 2 treat me like a friend, you're getting used to being alone, time plays a big role, you dont wat things to turn out this way, u didnt want things to turn out this way, u never meant to give me hope, its your fault, you're, sorry, forget about you, get on with the future, you shall not explain yourself, give each other sometime to cool down, your love is fading away"
Those are the words u said that really broke my heart. I begged you to stay... I asked if u love me, i told u to come back to me... but u heartlessly turned me down. How could you. Just within this short period of time!? Your words are evident that you do not want me back... Yet i keep holding on to that lil glimmer of hope, wishing you'd turn back someday... Why give me hope when u never meant to. I feel played.
Love vs Hate. Just a fine line. I hate you.
When i asked you to come back to me... You said u need more time... its evident that u dont want me animore..
I begged you to stay.... i pleaded with u.. yet you turned your back on me..
Please come back to me... I dont care about the past.... i just know i do not wana be without you... i dont want to cry everynight, and have nightmares after that..
Guess its really over... Your heart's void of all feelings of me..
But stil... I love u darling. and please... Come back... You were so manythings to me... and i lost them all. I just want to hear u say that u love me once more...
I'm breaking down. i cant take it animore. what does it take for u to say u love me!? i'd give anything just to have u back..
quick.. come back... it's never to late to come back... Please... please come back.... if u dont want to.. at least stay the way u were...dont go anyfurthur.... i cant hold on to you, when u keep pushing me back.
I always want to love u. i want u to feel the same. There's no other like u.... and there's only ONE ME!!pls... pls stay....
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Happy Childrens Day!
It's a Sat once again. What the hell am i doing home AGAIN!? isnt sat the day were ppl go out, have fun, spent time with their loved ones etc!? or.. maybe meet their boyfriends who book out!?!?
Maybe that was why i tried staying home. I've got a proj to complete, i've got TONS of notes to go through.. but i'm staying home, in hope that someone asks me out. Not Anyone. but someone. God damn it. i'm contradicting myself. one moment, i wish i can just stay home, the next moment i wish he asked me out, the next moment, i'd come 2 a conclusion that he wont askme out and even if he did, i wont go out. so what's wrong with me!? why am i feeling so miserable when i found out that he's goin out 4 a movie with the guys and here i am staying home, wishing that he'd ask me out.
Damn it.. he's single. and so are u val. WAKE UP!
Despite how someothers think. i DO NOT go out very much.. i stay home most of the time... When i was with him, this is the case. now that i'm NOT with him, this still is the case. Get a life val... he's out of ur life..
as much as i do not wish that he's OUT, the truth prevails... he doesnt want me either. To hell with it.. argh.. i'm in an emo wreck...
Was supposed to head to msia last min change of plans.. AGAIN. Life's full of changes isn't it.
to all u happy ppl out there.. ENJOY your weekend.. cuz the pathetic me sure aint gona enjoy mine. sigh
Maybe that was why i tried staying home. I've got a proj to complete, i've got TONS of notes to go through.. but i'm staying home, in hope that someone asks me out. Not Anyone. but someone. God damn it. i'm contradicting myself. one moment, i wish i can just stay home, the next moment i wish he asked me out, the next moment, i'd come 2 a conclusion that he wont askme out and even if he did, i wont go out. so what's wrong with me!? why am i feeling so miserable when i found out that he's goin out 4 a movie with the guys and here i am staying home, wishing that he'd ask me out.
Damn it.. he's single. and so are u val. WAKE UP!
Despite how someothers think. i DO NOT go out very much.. i stay home most of the time... When i was with him, this is the case. now that i'm NOT with him, this still is the case. Get a life val... he's out of ur life..
as much as i do not wish that he's OUT, the truth prevails... he doesnt want me either. To hell with it.. argh.. i'm in an emo wreck...
Was supposed to head to msia last min change of plans.. AGAIN. Life's full of changes isn't it.
to all u happy ppl out there.. ENJOY your weekend.. cuz the pathetic me sure aint gona enjoy mine. sigh
Thursday, September 29, 2005
so what am i doin here at 4am on a thurs morning when i'm supposed to be at NLB in the morning!?!?!?! arghh..
ok, this aint exactly a 100% sober post. for one, my tooth's hurting like mad.. i drank.. despite my "goal" of not drinking at all!!!... morover, i'm typing without my specs, a bad headache, and some alcohol in my blood..
Messy messy post. raHh..
So many things on my mind. so many things that i cant say! its still the same trust issue. There are so many people around you in life sometimes. who are the trustworthy ones and who arent!? i thought i've learnt this lesson a lonnnnnggggg looonnnngggg time back.. when unpleasent stuff happened to me back then. I thought i've learnt my lesson. unfortunately it only happened to me time and again time and again time and again. So why in the world do i still continue trusting people!?
the only person i can trust in this whole fuckin world is myself. and nw im having doubts in the judgement i make and the path i take. Fugg it... i so freggin wish that life wld simpler, easier, etc. UNFORTUNATELY, its impossible. Someone once said. we're social beings. we co-exist. Why the hell do i care!? self defence mechanism perhaps... but it's in my personality and blood, where i want to truly believe that every single person in this world is good by nature... i'm a theory X person. not a theory Y. those who study biz, mc gregor's theory x and y!?!? geddit? ok.. but have i gotten it wrong!? duHh
ANY O How!!! i feel seriously fugged up. i feel like speaking to someone. but there's no one. dont bloody say you'd be there for me. sorry, i dont feel comfortable telling u those stuff. dont say u feel for me, u arent me, u dont know what i'm goin through. dont say you're willng to understand or things like tha. i dont trust u. i dont need your listening ear if that's what u want to "provide" ... those words u hear will only lead to malicious lies, tall tales, etc.. anything that is used against me! thank you, but no thank you. U bloody mutha fuckas!!! take your lie and deciet and juz go deep down under...
I dont do such things to you. why must u do this to me!? is it my flawed personality. is it the way i portray myself!? my out look? dressing!? figure of speech!? then what!? what's ur problem u hypocritical son of a bitch(s)... be it intentional or UN-intentional. i so freggin swear.. you'd regret it. i've long given up the idea of me exerting revenge or something of the sort.. i'm unable to exact revenge on all you ass holes. but u noe wat.. ONE DAY.... revenge will be exerted not by me.. but by everyone else around you.
i truly cared.... i just wanted to be..... to be there!!..
i wanted to be a friend.... i reali want to change and be a good friend for once. like truly care for people genuinely and is this what i get?! juz fug off.. frm now on, i'd juz care bout me and myself... i use tO be able to care for someone else... but now.. i'm sorry. Its juz gona be me...
and the sad fact!? no one cares for me either.... the same ol thing... feel alone again. this time.... maybe it's BY CHOICE! dont think i'd want all the fake concerns. the stupid remarks made infront of me/behind me. attitude given by fucked up people. seriously. just take a mirror sometimes. before you comment, just LOOK in the mirror. Do you have what it takes to comment on ME!? who the FUCK are u!!!! are u even comparable to me!? if u think u're so damn fuckin good. then challenge me. OPENLY. anytime. i'm really game for it.
Vengence. Sweet. Too bad it aint gona be mine.... Retribution on the other hand.. would be YOURS... every single one of u.... shitheads..
maybe im paying fo my Mis deeds!? uh-uh.. dont think so... god's fair.. really fair... This trauma you've caused.... people a Looonnnggg time back, people in the past, people in the present people in the future. I hate you for causeing it.... Always i'd say i'd learn my lesson. tiem again.. i havent. I cant.... i still believe that there's some good... good in this world.. where people are philantrophic. and do not want any gain frm others. while i'm trying my best to be THAT sort of ppl.. i feel sucked dry... argh. fuG it.
Like i mentioned earlier, this is a non-sober post. and i'm juz blogging and blogging n typing whatever shit comes into my head. havent even read what ever i've typed. dont intend to do so. maybe i'd delete the post tmr!? maybe maybe.. :S:S
good nite son of a bitches!!!! may the bed bugs crawl into your asses n chew up urbrains. after that, crawl through your eyes and make sure ur blood comes gushing out! argh!! fug.... nvm.. i'd juz wish that all of u wld get tons of wisdom tooth!
everysingle one!!! 1 extraction a week! that'd b good!
damn it..... i'm high on scolding. one last thing..
when life's out of ctrl... Fug it..
ok, this aint exactly a 100% sober post. for one, my tooth's hurting like mad.. i drank.. despite my "goal" of not drinking at all!!!... morover, i'm typing without my specs, a bad headache, and some alcohol in my blood..
Messy messy post. raHh..
So many things on my mind. so many things that i cant say! its still the same trust issue. There are so many people around you in life sometimes. who are the trustworthy ones and who arent!? i thought i've learnt this lesson a lonnnnnggggg looonnnngggg time back.. when unpleasent stuff happened to me back then. I thought i've learnt my lesson. unfortunately it only happened to me time and again time and again time and again. So why in the world do i still continue trusting people!?
the only person i can trust in this whole fuckin world is myself. and nw im having doubts in the judgement i make and the path i take. Fugg it... i so freggin wish that life wld simpler, easier, etc. UNFORTUNATELY, its impossible. Someone once said. we're social beings. we co-exist. Why the hell do i care!? self defence mechanism perhaps... but it's in my personality and blood, where i want to truly believe that every single person in this world is good by nature... i'm a theory X person. not a theory Y. those who study biz, mc gregor's theory x and y!?!? geddit? ok.. but have i gotten it wrong!? duHh
ANY O How!!! i feel seriously fugged up. i feel like speaking to someone. but there's no one. dont bloody say you'd be there for me. sorry, i dont feel comfortable telling u those stuff. dont say u feel for me, u arent me, u dont know what i'm goin through. dont say you're willng to understand or things like tha. i dont trust u. i dont need your listening ear if that's what u want to "provide" ... those words u hear will only lead to malicious lies, tall tales, etc.. anything that is used against me! thank you, but no thank you. U bloody mutha fuckas!!! take your lie and deciet and juz go deep down under...
I dont do such things to you. why must u do this to me!? is it my flawed personality. is it the way i portray myself!? my out look? dressing!? figure of speech!? then what!? what's ur problem u hypocritical son of a bitch(s)... be it intentional or UN-intentional. i so freggin swear.. you'd regret it. i've long given up the idea of me exerting revenge or something of the sort.. i'm unable to exact revenge on all you ass holes. but u noe wat.. ONE DAY.... revenge will be exerted not by me.. but by everyone else around you.
i truly cared.... i just wanted to be..... to be there!!..
i wanted to be a friend.... i reali want to change and be a good friend for once. like truly care for people genuinely and is this what i get?! juz fug off.. frm now on, i'd juz care bout me and myself... i use tO be able to care for someone else... but now.. i'm sorry. Its juz gona be me...
and the sad fact!? no one cares for me either.... the same ol thing... feel alone again. this time.... maybe it's BY CHOICE! dont think i'd want all the fake concerns. the stupid remarks made infront of me/behind me. attitude given by fucked up people. seriously. just take a mirror sometimes. before you comment, just LOOK in the mirror. Do you have what it takes to comment on ME!? who the FUCK are u!!!! are u even comparable to me!? if u think u're so damn fuckin good. then challenge me. OPENLY. anytime. i'm really game for it.
Vengence. Sweet. Too bad it aint gona be mine.... Retribution on the other hand.. would be YOURS... every single one of u.... shitheads..
maybe im paying fo my Mis deeds!? uh-uh.. dont think so... god's fair.. really fair... This trauma you've caused.... people a Looonnnggg time back, people in the past, people in the present people in the future. I hate you for causeing it.... Always i'd say i'd learn my lesson. tiem again.. i havent. I cant.... i still believe that there's some good... good in this world.. where people are philantrophic. and do not want any gain frm others. while i'm trying my best to be THAT sort of ppl.. i feel sucked dry... argh. fuG it.
Like i mentioned earlier, this is a non-sober post. and i'm juz blogging and blogging n typing whatever shit comes into my head. havent even read what ever i've typed. dont intend to do so. maybe i'd delete the post tmr!? maybe maybe.. :S:S
good nite son of a bitches!!!! may the bed bugs crawl into your asses n chew up urbrains. after that, crawl through your eyes and make sure ur blood comes gushing out! argh!! fug.... nvm.. i'd juz wish that all of u wld get tons of wisdom tooth!
everysingle one!!! 1 extraction a week! that'd b good!
damn it..... i'm high on scolding. one last thing..
when life's out of ctrl... Fug it..
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
UN-stiching day
What a monday.. Slept only at 5.30am, and was supposed to wake prisc at 7.30, unfortunately the nxt time I was aware of my surroundings, it was already 12pm when OM waked me up. Being the procrastinator I am, I psyhed myself into believing that the dentist would be opened till evening, so a few more hours of sleep wouldn't harm, would it?
Called the clinic at 3.30pm, only to realize that my (FEMALE) dentist is off for the day,and the only available dentist would be a male dentist! better than nothing right? I've definitely gotta rid of those stitches by today. Those nylon were tickling the shits out of me. So, No appointment needed, just walk-in, since appointments are full already..
Hence I happily met up with christina for tea at raffles city. Its been some time since we've last seen each other. Her tummy's bigger by the month (for sure), and i'm so glad it's a GIRL!! Guessed that it'll be a girl long ago.. So glad.. Just hope she'd be fatter than her mum, and more girlie! =) her mum's STICK thin, and not exactly feminine. Then again, girls these days.. arent exactly conventional "girls" are they. Sigh. Look at me, i look perfectly girlie on the outside, but.. not what u call a Girlish-girl on the inside. bahh..
Busted $75 at mango, (almost made it $175). Glad i threw the skirt back to where it came from. Went back to the clinic, and the recept told me i'd have to wait 2.5 hours! WHAT!?!?! *COLD SWEAT* 2.5 hours in boring JURONG OLD TOWN!? sigh.. so here's what i did.. since the next block's my Old hse, i decided to Explore the place for abit. It's been 6 years since i've been there. what can i say!? things sure has changed quite abit..
Blame it on the lack of flash, and that it's onli a camera on a PDA, but the pix turned out relatively creepy..
The lift lobby. It didnt look like that before. Definately went through lots a couple of upgrades.
It's the kind of old housing with lifts serving onli level 1, 6 and 11. I stayed on the 12th floor, and had to walk pass this long stretch of coridor before reaching a flight of stairs.
That's my house! or shouldi say WaS my house. It like a sanctuary where my bro and i spent our childhood. now, it just looks like some run down creepy place.
compare these 2 pix.. The 2 doors are facing each other. The left's my (use to be) neighbour's place, and right's my ex house.
Realize anything ironic bout the 2 households!? Comeon.. look harder!!..
Well, The house on the right, has got a "FU" above the door.. implying that it's prolly bhuddist. and the house on the left Has got a banner with islaming inscribings on it. Alright, i know it's prolly the lousy reso, thats why it cant be identified at ease. I recall the days where my neighbour were christians, and so were my mum... we lived in perfect harmony, with the 4 kids running to and fro, as if both houses were ours!
AGING NEIGHBOURHOOD
Is there such a thing!? I made it up!. =) but guess there really IS such a situation happening in singapore. i aint refering 20% of rich fugs who stay in landed property/condo and constantly switching residence. I'm refering to the other 80%. Those who work for their $, Investing the $$ in something which has already reached saturation point and would only decline further to reach rock bottom. PROPERTY!!! *pardon me if my analogy's wrong*
Young couples (back then was my parents) shift in to new estates/neighbourhoods, raising their kids, sending them to kindergarden/pri school.. and along with them, are other young couples. So everyday, the school bus would *HORN* that dredful sounding *PEHhhhhHhhHHhhh* and all of us would happily hop on the bus. During children's day national day, whatever day where kids have sweets, they'd trade em, share em, Steal/fight for them.
Some families shift out once their kids get older. To a bigger, maybe seemingly better house. Those who dont, continue staying there, young couples growing old, kids maturing.. other couples shift in, occupying the empty houses.. A norm, aint it? Now HOW MANY people actually shift out these days? and those who shift in, they wont want a place which has been existing for 20 years, since property prices are so low, might as well get a NEW place, in a NEW estate!? The new occupants are prolly people who've got relatives staying near by or something of the sort.
As i was saying, kids grow up, (i dont play in a play ground animore!)... And the old ppl stay there, growing older.. So tell me, aint that the "aging neighbourhood" syndrom!?!? Just take a look at toapayoh. Maybe even parts of jurong?... Hmmm..
oh... got a couple more jabs while removing the stiches..... too pain.... realy really painful.. :(
Phew. what a longgg post. gona search for food.. i'm hungry..
Monday, September 26, 2005
Reaching out..
Its true how people around me feel my depression, and my sadness. The aura of sadness is felt through my blog, my conversations, even my facial expressions when i aint putting on a front. I thought i wont cry tonight. Im wrong. Still wrong. Thought i'd be kept busy with the ppt, thought there was no need for tears this time round since we're in contact already.
Last night, i relived some happy memories. Chattering away in bed with someone i hold so close to my heart. Thats how things were before. We talked of nonsensical nothings, never getting bored of each other's antics. For a tiny moment, i felt as tho nothing changed. It felt like when we were together, those nights where i simply had to spent some time talking to u before we head to bed. I came crashing down, only when we were about to hang up. It usually ended with a good night kiss. No goodnight kiss this time for sure.. It was then, that i realize, things still arent the same as before. *duh. How can it be!?
Now everyone's telling me it's a good step, and that at least we're friends, still have chance blah blah blah.. I dont think so. He's changed. I dont wana be the one trying so hard to get him back, and being the one suffering in the relationship.
Truth hurts val. Eric doesnt want u no more...
You're still freggin alone.
Go ahead, cry your hearts out,
cuz there's no one to hear your cries in the middle of the nite,
there's no one there to hug you as u wallow away in self pity,
Other's have moved on, getting attached, having new perspectives in life,
having other guys to keep them company.
What have you got.
Nothing.
Tears and yourself.
TEARS and ONLY yourself.
And yet you cry the tears away.
Go to bed, u bloody loser.
Shoot yourself if u must, no one gives a damn.
" a snapshot from my heart.."
I'm reaching... and reaching... sorry, somethings are just beyond reach.
Leave it to fate you say!? Sure thing..
Or do u mean "Give up! It's OVER. u GEDDIT!? "
bahh.. i'm a nutcase.
damn it. argh fug. it's time for bed.
WRONG val.. so wrong.
Last night, i relived some happy memories. Chattering away in bed with someone i hold so close to my heart. Thats how things were before. We talked of nonsensical nothings, never getting bored of each other's antics. For a tiny moment, i felt as tho nothing changed. It felt like when we were together, those nights where i simply had to spent some time talking to u before we head to bed. I came crashing down, only when we were about to hang up. It usually ended with a good night kiss. No goodnight kiss this time for sure.. It was then, that i realize, things still arent the same as before. *duh. How can it be!?
Now everyone's telling me it's a good step, and that at least we're friends, still have chance blah blah blah.. I dont think so. He's changed. I dont wana be the one trying so hard to get him back, and being the one suffering in the relationship.
Truth hurts val. Eric doesnt want u no more...
You're still freggin alone.
Go ahead, cry your hearts out,
cuz there's no one to hear your cries in the middle of the nite,
there's no one there to hug you as u wallow away in self pity,
Other's have moved on, getting attached, having new perspectives in life,
having other guys to keep them company.
What have you got.
Nothing.
Tears and yourself.
TEARS and ONLY yourself.
And yet you cry the tears away.
Go to bed, u bloody loser.
Shoot yourself if u must, no one gives a damn.
" a snapshot from my heart.."
I'm reaching... and reaching... sorry, somethings are just beyond reach.
Leave it to fate you say!? Sure thing..
Or do u mean "Give up! It's OVER. u GEDDIT!? "
bahh.. i'm a nutcase.
damn it. argh fug. it's time for bed.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Sappy Weekend (Sad+Happy!?)
Been a happily sad, sadly happy weekend.
Firstly, eric booked out. Not that we actually met up or anything of the sort. But glad to know that we're still friends. We've always been. Just.. now we're in better contact!? Yes. He's crazy and i'm nuts. Let's just leave things to fate. Shallnt' we? That's life. aint it!?
My BAH BAO face have became a Siew Mai. Still hurts nevertheless. Cant speak with ease, cant eat in pleasure. YET, i've not lost any weight. made up for all the food with endless soup, soft food, etc. Sigh. Now who says Wisdom Tooth = losing weight!? not for me at least.
havent been to work for close to a week. Last time i worked was a on tuesday. Wonder if i'd be able to get back to work on tuesday. Work... Hmm.. Will i even remember the proper procedures and all!?!? Would have a hell lot of catching up to do. Hope i wont get any complain emails etc.
Removing my stiches on monday. *wince* Just hope i'd b lookin alright by wed. Goin for QUIDAM!!! on that day. Been drifting in and out of a bad headache, Fever, numbness, pain.. sigh. Definately a torturous 5 days. No way am i gonna Remove the next tooth. Thinking of the $$$ i've lost sigh. Close to $250 over these few days? Not worth it AT ALL. man..
For those who dont already know, i do LOVE reading, and YES i DO READ. Infact, i read a bookS more than once. These few days at home, i've been reading a book by Jude Deveraux. "Legend". Ladies, DO NOT MISS IT!! I shall not give a bad summary of the book, but i can assure u that it'll be a great read!. Unfortunately for the dickspecies. it is a romantic novel. (or better known as TRASHY novel.) 404 pages of trash!? that's quite abit. I teared even tho its the 2nd time reading the book. As usual, i felt like i've left my own world of fantasy, and i'm back into this horrible world of horrible people, projects, and exams.
With regards to horrible people, i shall leave it for other times. Not now. Feeling angelic and in a cheerful mood, so all cuss words, and fuggly things cant come out =)
Firstly, eric booked out. Not that we actually met up or anything of the sort. But glad to know that we're still friends. We've always been. Just.. now we're in better contact!? Yes. He's crazy and i'm nuts. Let's just leave things to fate. Shallnt' we? That's life. aint it!?
My BAH BAO face have became a Siew Mai. Still hurts nevertheless. Cant speak with ease, cant eat in pleasure. YET, i've not lost any weight. made up for all the food with endless soup, soft food, etc. Sigh. Now who says Wisdom Tooth = losing weight!? not for me at least.
havent been to work for close to a week. Last time i worked was a on tuesday. Wonder if i'd be able to get back to work on tuesday. Work... Hmm.. Will i even remember the proper procedures and all!?!? Would have a hell lot of catching up to do. Hope i wont get any complain emails etc.
Removing my stiches on monday. *wince* Just hope i'd b lookin alright by wed. Goin for QUIDAM!!! on that day. Been drifting in and out of a bad headache, Fever, numbness, pain.. sigh. Definately a torturous 5 days. No way am i gonna Remove the next tooth. Thinking of the $$$ i've lost sigh. Close to $250 over these few days? Not worth it AT ALL. man..
For those who dont already know, i do LOVE reading, and YES i DO READ. Infact, i read a bookS more than once. These few days at home, i've been reading a book by Jude Deveraux. "Legend". Ladies, DO NOT MISS IT!! I shall not give a bad summary of the book, but i can assure u that it'll be a great read!. Unfortunately for the dickspecies. it is a romantic novel. (or better known as TRASHY novel.) 404 pages of trash!? that's quite abit. I teared even tho its the 2nd time reading the book. As usual, i felt like i've left my own world of fantasy, and i'm back into this horrible world of horrible people, projects, and exams.
With regards to horrible people, i shall leave it for other times. Not now. Feeling angelic and in a cheerful mood, so all cuss words, and fuggly things cant come out =)
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Had my Wisdom tooth extracted. Was an interesting process. Went for a check afew weeks back, nevertheless had to RE CONFIRM the price. What if she charged $500++ tis time!? heh. So it was settled at $200+. Made it clear that i only have $250 at hand, lest she charged extorbitant rates.
Next she poked and fiddled with my tooth (damn i hate it), gave me painkillers, anti biotics, and anti-swell tabs even before the process started. Next, she took out a LONGGGG injector and Jabbed me with it. 4 Pokes in total. Was never terrified of jabs, but it seems like penetration of needle was incredibly deep. Next came Xray, with the doc putting a reflector(is that what u call it) in my mouth. Not too bad, im starting to slur and not feel a thing on my right..
"OH! your root is curved!"... uh-oh. bad news. does it mean it's gona be painful!? She isnt gona increase the price.. is she!?
"Do u feel anything!?" she probed as she poked all she wanted. "er... abit!?" that earned me 3 more jabs! well, better the jab than feeling someone cut the insides of u up. right!?
And so it started. Helpless val at the mercy of the doc and her nurse. Nurse holding on to a suction tube to suck out whatever blood that may overflow. Doc holding on to he scapel and drill. (ok, i know the tool names i've given are really superficial, no idea what it REALLY is called, the function's there anyway.. :S)..
Doc wore a mask, something like... people wear when they're doin welding?? i Stared hard, and realized.. HolY shiT!!! i can see the reflection!!!!! i juz needed to stare straight ahead, and i'd be able to see the insides of my mouth, and what she's doing to it. I had the option to close my eyes. But the nurse was goin "relax.. relax"... i aint gona squeeze my eyes shut and let her know i'm afraid tho i dont feel anything. The only time squeeze my eyes shut with tears in em, is when i'm havin a facial cuz it hurts like hell! hah..
So she Cut my gums, Drilled god knows what (prolly my bone), and cut some more. Next she pulled. Couldnt feel a thing the whole time but the process of witnessing it all was petrifying. When the tooth couldnt come out, the nurse held on to my jaw, and she PULLED somemore!. tough tooth of mine. some curvey roots, so it got me more sliced up furthur. ALAS!!! it came out! it was a whole tooth!!!
By then, i was already tasting blood. no. was gagging blood, the sucker *i mean suction* didnt quite help tis time. She sewed me up. amazing. Always thought they used needles?? heh. was somewhat like a fishing hook, Workmanship's not too bad i hope!?!? baHh.. no one can see them aniway.. She took quite sometime stitching me up, and i was really tired after that. the anxiety and all..
Chewed on gauze, Paid up, Got 5 Days of MC, grabbed my med, and drove home. Changed gauze frequently cuz its filled with saliva and blood. The blood sorta thinned after 4 hours, but there was still bleeding even after 16 hours!!! As of now, it's 36 hours after my extraction, and any sudden movement, or food that gets there would induce another bleeding session. SigHh.. Someone asked, 'are u feeling faint because of the lack of blood'??? "NaHh.. unlikely, i swallow them anyway" duhhhh.. hahahaha..
Developed a fever, bad headache and sorethroat shortly after. Well, Now the fever's on and off, headache persists and sorethroat is soothed by H20. 18 hours after the extraction, my face swelled to an all time high!!!... WHY!!!?!?!?!?!?! no way am i leaving my house this time..
Some pix at the bottom. For the weak hearted (e.g. prisc) stop when i give the warning yea!? haha..
Times as such, i really do wish that there was someone to hold on to, give me assuring hugs, making porridge for me, tellin me its ok, and that i dont look that hedious. Eric would have. Would. that's the word.. Speakin of which.. i msged him, askin if he needed a lift frm camp. argH. how dumb of me. well, it was quite a blessing that he didnt agree. or i'd b in a dilemna. should i just meet him risk letting him see my hedious look, just forget the whole thing!? at the point of msging, i didnt consider that tho.. it was 5am.. Useless me even called him. argh. didnt regret it nevertheless. Its been a long time since i've heard his voice. Really long... really really really long..
=enough of depressing stuff= i've got enough complains already.
DISCLAIMER: The pix are not entirely guresome, but it contains some blood. definately not for the weak hearted. Approx 4 pix only, so Stop scrolling if u dont intend to see pix.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
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.
Reddish thing's GUM!! euGhhh.. i know..
Blood, Gum, tooth... *Feelin kinda wooZy*
Hmm like my fingers! see the "Curve" roots!?
Blood, More blood
and finally... to reward those who've daaaaringly looked at these bloody shots, here's something extra..
ME!
Check out the swell!!! sighhh
Next she poked and fiddled with my tooth (damn i hate it), gave me painkillers, anti biotics, and anti-swell tabs even before the process started. Next, she took out a LONGGGG injector and Jabbed me with it. 4 Pokes in total. Was never terrified of jabs, but it seems like penetration of needle was incredibly deep. Next came Xray, with the doc putting a reflector(is that what u call it) in my mouth. Not too bad, im starting to slur and not feel a thing on my right..
"OH! your root is curved!"... uh-oh. bad news. does it mean it's gona be painful!? She isnt gona increase the price.. is she!?
"Do u feel anything!?" she probed as she poked all she wanted. "er... abit!?" that earned me 3 more jabs! well, better the jab than feeling someone cut the insides of u up. right!?
And so it started. Helpless val at the mercy of the doc and her nurse. Nurse holding on to a suction tube to suck out whatever blood that may overflow. Doc holding on to he scapel and drill. (ok, i know the tool names i've given are really superficial, no idea what it REALLY is called, the function's there anyway.. :S)..
Doc wore a mask, something like... people wear when they're doin welding?? i Stared hard, and realized.. HolY shiT!!! i can see the reflection!!!!! i juz needed to stare straight ahead, and i'd be able to see the insides of my mouth, and what she's doing to it. I had the option to close my eyes. But the nurse was goin "relax.. relax"... i aint gona squeeze my eyes shut and let her know i'm afraid tho i dont feel anything. The only time squeeze my eyes shut with tears in em, is when i'm havin a facial cuz it hurts like hell! hah..
So she Cut my gums, Drilled god knows what (prolly my bone), and cut some more. Next she pulled. Couldnt feel a thing the whole time but the process of witnessing it all was petrifying. When the tooth couldnt come out, the nurse held on to my jaw, and she PULLED somemore!. tough tooth of mine. some curvey roots, so it got me more sliced up furthur. ALAS!!! it came out! it was a whole tooth!!!
By then, i was already tasting blood. no. was gagging blood, the sucker *i mean suction* didnt quite help tis time. She sewed me up. amazing. Always thought they used needles?? heh. was somewhat like a fishing hook, Workmanship's not too bad i hope!?!? baHh.. no one can see them aniway.. She took quite sometime stitching me up, and i was really tired after that. the anxiety and all..
Chewed on gauze, Paid up, Got 5 Days of MC, grabbed my med, and drove home. Changed gauze frequently cuz its filled with saliva and blood. The blood sorta thinned after 4 hours, but there was still bleeding even after 16 hours!!! As of now, it's 36 hours after my extraction, and any sudden movement, or food that gets there would induce another bleeding session. SigHh.. Someone asked, 'are u feeling faint because of the lack of blood'??? "NaHh.. unlikely, i swallow them anyway" duhhhh.. hahahaha..
Developed a fever, bad headache and sorethroat shortly after. Well, Now the fever's on and off, headache persists and sorethroat is soothed by H20. 18 hours after the extraction, my face swelled to an all time high!!!... WHY!!!?!?!?!?!?! no way am i leaving my house this time..
Some pix at the bottom. For the weak hearted (e.g. prisc) stop when i give the warning yea!? haha..
Times as such, i really do wish that there was someone to hold on to, give me assuring hugs, making porridge for me, tellin me its ok, and that i dont look that hedious. Eric would have. Would. that's the word.. Speakin of which.. i msged him, askin if he needed a lift frm camp. argH. how dumb of me. well, it was quite a blessing that he didnt agree. or i'd b in a dilemna. should i just meet him risk letting him see my hedious look, just forget the whole thing!? at the point of msging, i didnt consider that tho.. it was 5am.. Useless me even called him. argh. didnt regret it nevertheless. Its been a long time since i've heard his voice. Really long... really really really long..
=enough of depressing stuff= i've got enough complains already.
DISCLAIMER: The pix are not entirely guresome, but it contains some blood. definately not for the weak hearted. Approx 4 pix only, so Stop scrolling if u dont intend to see pix.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Reddish thing's GUM!! euGhhh.. i know..Blood, Gum, tooth... *Feelin kinda wooZy*
Hmm like my fingers! see the "Curve" roots!? Blood, More bloodand finally... to reward those who've daaaaringly looked at these bloody shots, here's something extra..
ME!
Check out the swell!!! sighhh
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