Photoblog 2005

Hey!!! it's the 31st already. Goodbye 2005!!
As i was telling william, this time of the year.. (every year).. i'd be telling myself that next year would be a better year. but hey! wait!! i said that last year too!! hah.. This leads to the reflection of my soon to be past year.. Lets just say every day's a brand new day with new experiences, Every one you meet changes ur life in one way or another...

Here's val's 2005 in a nutshell...
(p/s: i hope i can finish this post)
Its non conclusive, and at the same time, restricted to my very very limited memory. hah.

My Photoblog 2005

PS: i've tried my very best to DIG and ARRANGE that horrible ton of pix that's residing in my C:/. Eyes are getting blurry already. Thanks to Picasa, time spent was cut dwn by half :P

I started my official/serious/down to earth/PERMANANT full time job at M1.. The people there are really fun loving, well, with particular reference to the ppl in my cluster. Took really good care of myself and my other batch mates when we just joined. The sups there appeared relatively stern in the begining.. but they're really nice ppl.. Cheok, Adrian, Vif, Jenn, and there was BM there to help always as well as carene... hmmm.. other ppl that i'm thankful to have?? Jerrid, sengchai and kevin for the 24/7 technical support, the YOUNGER crowd like vanassa mandy kenn meryl mya carene leonard.. making the whole place lifelier... Dzai, jaafar, Damien etc.. whom i do not talk to alot, but would be there to clarify any doubts before i get a earful frm jenn :P

In case u havent realized, I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! Im a Daddy's girl, Mummy's girl and a Bigg sis who has much less $$ than her lil bro. Mum and dad has been especially accomodating to my wrk schedule, making sure i'm safe at home before they sleep, and dad trusting me with his car! They've been relatively healthy in the past yr.. lets hope they'd b equally healthy and happy in the coming one..

Studying for exams can be funn too! esp with the right company.. We mugged really hard, well.. hard enough to scrape through that is!! =) our face ballooned up during this period of time, and used the maximum number of oil blotters possible. but guess what!? we even made time for the movies, phototaking, and Gossipy stuff.. My conclusion??? BUBBLE TEA'S PEARLS MAKE U FAT!!!

OH.. and i'm like so into those stuid board games! haha.. the dumber the better!! there's cranium, the animal game, monopoly, rumikub. etc!! settler's cafe's a must go!! had hoards of fun there with the girls as well as the jerks! GUYS! hah. sum guys just try to push their luck... freggggin bastards. hypocritical. bleaHhh... their immature just turns me off sumtimes. This taught me that.. MATURITY has got NOTHING to do with age.. gRrr

2005's also the year where i Met my evil twin KEY CHUA!!!!! she's like the noisiest girl i've ever known. if u ppl think val's noisy. key's valX10!!! hahaha.. But i LOVE HER TO BITS!!!!!!! she never fails to cheer me up, and she gives me calls to let me noe she cares. Man.. i'm glad i gotta know her tru priscy. Wished we mustered the courage to get to know each other 1 year back. hah. but its never too late rite!?

I feel pretty when i'm with them. it's like a bunch of pweeeeteee girls marching 2gether.. hahaha. Getting the attention of guys isnt an issue at all.. it's GETTING THE ATTENTION OF RIGHT GUYS!!! prisc always seem 2 get the guys larr. pissing me and key off.. guess that's becuz key n i juz lie on our beach mat, TANNING while priscy n carol Runs about! heh.. Now that key n val's attached, lucky prisc wld haf all the guys! bleah!

OoOoohhh and CLUBBING CLUBBING CLUBBING!!! i LOVE clubbing!!!! well. with the right group of ppl of cuz! namely HOTTie prisc!!! i wonder WHY, but.. i REALLY do NOT dance with guys.. direct friends yes. indirect friends? Fugg off.. dance floor? "Lay ur hands on me and u die!!" priscy and i even ahd to kiss, and act as tho we were lesbians to get guys away! hah.. mm what else? i love Lychee martinis and that's like the ONLY thing i drink these days.. no mor Downing of drink.. cuz i get really realli mad and wild! hah

Those crazy FUnn party days with my m1 peeps are prolly over. heh. We dont go out as a group anymore. Guess i'm prolly "out" of their group. why? cuz i'm attached? we cant get along? different "thinking"? behaviour?? nothing personal.. just that... mmm guess those days of hanging out together are over. they're my colleagues... Wish they could be friends too... Can we?

Now who DOESNT have regrets? we all do.. things we should have done, things we DIDNt do.. all the what ifs.. Well, no point looking back... but i cant hlp regretting. Friendship which wasnt kept, promises not fulfilled. Deciet, and everything else. I cant change the past... I can only REMEMBER and REMIND myself... that i will NOT let it happen in future.

More M1 peeps.. =)

WAKEBOARDING!!!!! something which i wish i can do more often.. lack the $$$$ larhhh damn it!

Heh..SEE i told u! we look pretty good rite!? :P If its anything that made my 2005 bearable, Brighter and Cheerful, it's becuz of Prisc and Key. Thanks dearSS

My Xmas eve at Panpac.. Totally diff frm last year! hahaha.. onli similarity would b prisc and drinking?? hahaha.. with newly made friends like kenneth, greg, edwin, etc..

2005 made me realize my Feline obsession has increased!! haha.. well, dogs, yes, but i'm more of a meow meow person as well! heh.. and GERBERRAS!! my fave flowers still,

As 2005 leave w/o a trail... ask urself.. have u truly lived!? mmm.. what else?? got my birkens, lost a BIG wisdom tooth, did a car show.. Became a photoslut... hah

Most importantly, the year 2005 sept 11th is the day i asked james to be with me! hah. Kinda gutsy for a girl huh!? well.. of cuz he likes me also larrr!! my skin nt like rhino's skin larr.. haha. Best of all, tis guy likes taking pix with me!! hehehhee.. frm the days which we went to skool to study together, our 1st date (cant rem subsequent ones).. to the wedding we went together, Xmas, The first time we got caught by CNPB in a raid. hahhaa.. Memories of 2005... Kinda short... but more to come for sure =)

Not as if there's very little pix of me.. but WHO CARES!!! MORE'S BETTER!! MY BLOG MAH!! wahahhaa. a lil narcisic now! hah... oh.. 1 more resolution for 2006. "Learn a different smile"! :P

Heard tis on the radio:

As u take a big step towards the coming year. Spent some time, turn back, and ask urself, have you truly lived?

I have.

happy new year everyone!

May the year ahead be a better one than the last!

i THINK i juz packed.

i think i just packed my room...

i THINK so lar...
well.. aparently, i trashed lots of stuff, packed my old books/notes and stashed it into the cupboard above, Did a hard reset on my PDA, entered my coming sem's school and work schedule, as well as cleared up some other stuff in my room..

SO TELL ME WHY IS IT STILL SO MESSY!?!?!?!?

Bro's right, my room's big.. just that i filled it up too quickly. and too well. hahaha

Went to JB for seafood with my family today. Love ocassional night-outs with them. Talking bout some ol times, jokes, and antics by by dad. =) Da-bao-ed HorfuN for james, as he was unable to join us for dinner. aWw.. too bad. nxt time yea!??

Im counting down... my days to sleep 12 hrs are limited.. =(
Schedule nxt sem's kinda packed. and Priscy n i have unresolved issues.. Regarding........ U shld know what lar babe.... =(

Nitez.. BED time... Bro's prolly gona drag me 2 buy a hp for him... THERE GOES MY STAFF PURHCASE.... solves the prob of finding a phone with high profit margin, finding a buyer, trade in for another phone, blah blah blah. Solve the prob. Not gona make ani $$ =) juz give the "offer" to my bro.. and Damn it! i still owe him $40 bucks!

To Lyd: YES!!! i aint working very hard animore!! no more OTs... leave me an SMS k? not sure if u changed ur number.. tts y ive gota go tru iris! haha.. reali hope to see u soon.

just wana cry..

im upset.

I just wana cry....

fine, i already am crying... it feels good to juz cry ur hearts out... guys may think it's a stupid move, but WRONG, ask any girl, and she'd tell u that more often than not... she doesnt know the reason why she's crying, and MOST importantly, she'd feel better after she cry!

Its scientifically proven that crying reduces stress/tension and what's nots. so BOoHOoHoo!!! thumbs down to those of u who dont belive in crying, and insistent on keeping ur back bone straight, and that crying's for babies.

there's no particular reason as to why im crying. juz feeling pekchek i guess... AND, other ppl's feelings rub off me as well... i felt pekchek, and after i realized james was pekchek with his own stuff.. i felt equalli bad...

Oh damn it.. show me some light, spark, a sign a whatever.. just make me happy, and make me STOP being so whiny. and FUCK! i hate it when ppl dont reply my msgs or answer my calls. To hell with everything lar.. Ive had enough.

When im upset, i act on impulse. i dont wana be impulsive... because i make mistakes when im impulsive. Fuck it lar... I do not want anything 2 affect me anymore. Have i made a mistake again tis time!?!?!?!??? have i set myself into a trap... where i cant get out of?? out of impulse?? i dont know and i dont care. all i know now is that i'm DAMN DAMN DAMMMMNNNNNNN unhappy!. someone... bring me a choc ice blended....... =(

yeah.. im emotional. That's juz me. Take it or leave it. and do i look like i care if this post is incoherrent? Read my lips. "I DONT".

Burnt Out

Now to tell u the truth, i fell totally burnt out. Feel as tho i've worked like a cow.. In addition to my weekly work schedule of 6pm-11m work daily except weds n sats. I worked an additional 1 hr on thurs till 12 mid nite, an additional 8am to 1pm on fri morning, 830am to 1230pm on sat morning. It's sunday now, just got back from work, on mon and tues morning frm 8am-1pm, i'd haf work again, followed by normal work in the evening frm 6pm to 11pm.

Now who am i kidding!? i really really am feeling very very tired. Know i applied for it, and it serves me right, n i haf 2 look 4ward 2 my nxt pay.. BUT, im starting 2 feel that there are things which $$ cant buy. i.e. TIME. SLEEP. and its depressing to know that skool term starts on 3rd Jan, and i will NOT have many chances to get 12 hrs of sleep. To make things so totally worst, priscy's bday present is not done yet, xmas presents not bought, not done. i'm so totally screwed. Tried cancelling my thurs n fri's OT. i SERIOUSLY wont b able to hold out any longer. Those who do know about shitty "people" i deal with at work, u shld understand. those who dont, just understand that it feels like shit. hah...

Havent washed a car in the longest time, and today i WASHED A CAR!!!! wont say it's very nicely done, but..... it rained once we left the car park. hah! What a work out tis weekend! Caught "The Promise" and i must say it's quite good =) went all the way 2 changi, in an attempt 2 catch sight of "big" stars, and "strong" wind.... all we got were a trail of bbq scent, hide n seek moon.. haha... OHhhh and i bought a jacket!!! or rather, James bought me a jacket. :P im in charge of wearing it! haha... THANKEWWWWWWWW... but i'm letting u off easy if it's a treat for gettin ur bonus! hah.. **kidin** hehe..

On the lighter note, here's some pix due 4 viewing.
Mum n myself, at crystal jade. MY TREAT.. for the first time! hah


KeyChua and myeslf in Mambo's fitting rm


Priscy n myself in attempt to tk a self portrait of the xmas tree.


A pic of a gift.. made for someone.. not too long ago... Doesnt take a genius 2 guess who it's 4 :P


So SooOoo screwed. I've gota complete priscy's present. xmas present. more work. etc etc etc. wait. have i already mentioned that!? gaWwwddd... i need a shower. and i need 2 head 2 bed SOON. =( wana watch teevee =(!!! i miss........... doin things i wana do. in short. i hate work! i just love $$...

Insecure Wed

Passed an Offday, Just like that.

Enrollment
Window shopping
Nightsafari Ben & Jerry
Pasar Malam shopping with mum
Dance Class
Supper with James

Hmm. seem like quite a handful.
Nevertheless, i clocked close to 110KM in mileage, spent bout $15 on parking/ERP.
I'm broke.. Pay's finally in. and how in the world am i gonna survive till the end of nxt mth!? There're so many presents to buy.. presents to make.. =(

Havent been left dumbfounded for the longest time.
He asked when was the first day we met. I cant remember.. He did.
Then he said, This is wat he calls SIGNIFICANT. like when we met, our 1 yr 2gether, etc. NOT 1 month. Then he mentioned, what the fuck is 1 mth etc..

Honestly honey, dont use that word on me. It never fails to make things unpleasent. Perception. What's impt to you, may not be important to me. What's important to me, may not be important to you. Period.

Feel as if i'm walking on tight ropes these days.
Dont wanna make him snap. If he snaps, i'd fall.
I feel small and little.
Insecure. No more elaborations needed.

Wish he didnt have such effect on me.
effects are present, cuz there are feelings involved.
Feeling Pissified now.
Guess some things are better left unsaid.
Past left undug..
Future left untold.

stared at the RRRROOOOUUUUNNDDDDD moon..
emitting an aura of serenity..
Making the "star-less" sky seem less empty..
I start to wonder. The sky's so high.. i'm just another unhappy person out there.
There're lots of other less fortunate ppl.
Cliche i know... But true nevertheless..

And when i turned to look at THIS...

i cant hlp but give an exasparated smirk once i recall what he said.
All anger of mine (if any) wld just subside,
Problems solved for the time being
Worries set aside
Confusion set straight,
Misunderstanding Understood,
I'd simply juz be left momentarily blinded by happiness and Pure Bliss.


He bought them back frm BKK. and said:

"The gerberras i bought you wld die, and you'd throw them away.. Got you tis plastic ones.. so that they'd never wilt.."

Swear was super gan dong at tt moment. and he didnt even bargain...

I shall just drift to slp with "the moment"..
Irregardless, of my insecurities, and how unhappy i made you.... I still love u.

The Blody Rich, Humble poor, and Half FUCKs

.Singaporeans.

The Bloody rich, Humble Poors, and Half Fucks

As u can tell, i'm only against he half fucks, Hence the ommission of all negative remarks towards the first 2 type of singaporeans. AND by the way, all comments are based on VaL Chng's limited 20 (and counting) yrs of biased, narrow minded knowledge, prejudiced perception of supid people , in summation with experiences met via unfortunate incidents in this very warped world. Cheerios.. READ ON...

Lets Just start with the Bloody Rich.

as it goes, they're BLAR-DEE rich, that they cant really be bothered much with nitty gritty details. These people are educated, have a sense of humor, AND best of all, know their matters.

TRAITS:

• They mostly keep their car keys IN their pockets and not ON the dining table
• Tips are left in Notes, and with the reciept book CLOSED.
• They dish compliments with an aura of class and manerism.
• They dress in casual slacks.
• Formal wear are Strictly for business.
• Non flashy cufflinks, nor montblanc pen coming out of their breast pocket
• Get their wife or secretary to buy stuff for them, since $$ is not much of an issue
• Dine where ever there's nice food, be it Foie Gras, Char Kueh Tiao, or Rotiprata.
• Have time to Rest and Relax.
• No need for a credit card.

Moving on to the Humbly Poor,

They're people who KNOW they are not that well off, but have enough to make ends meet. face the fact, how many truly poor ppl are there in sg? where they cant even afford to buy toilet paper? I may say i'm poor, but no, i CAN afford toilet paper.

TRAITS:

• They are polite for a start
• Aware of their financial standing
• BOTHER to give tips, be it coins, or whatever they can afford.
• Do not make purchases that are way out of their budget
• Pay their credit card bills on time if they DO have a credit card
• They say please and mean it, Thank you and sound sincere
• Use a "parker" pen (ok, i'm stereotyping) and keep it in their briefcase
• Drive a toyota and remember where their car is and NOT use the alarm
• Make "la kopi-ing" at the nearby Kopitiam seem like a cool place to hang out
• Bother to offer others a lift when driving around
• Let you know that pricing is expensive, admit that they do not have much $.
• Dress in their best Giordano top, Hang ten bottom look plesant

LASTLY, here comes the half fucks.

They're neither here, nor there, trying too hard to blend in, not making the cut, and worst of all, allowing everyone else to know they belong to the Half Fuck category. CONGRATS losers!

TRAITS:

• They leave their Toyota car key with BMW keychain on the dining table
• Leave tips in notes esp when they've got a dining partner.
• When not willing to tip, they claim the service is bad.
• Make a big HooHaH out of nothing
• Threatens to complain, be it to IDA, MOM, MP or even Devan Nair. (wait, do they even know he passed away?? God rest his soul)
• Dine at seemingly posh places, Claiming food is good (due to pricing), tho the chap chai peng auntie's apprentice's new found kah kia can cook better!
• Articulate words like my "appartment" (meaning the 5room flat his/her parents own), my "secretary" (the admin staff in his office), my "party" (the bottle of chivas he opened at dbl0), my "Holiday" (the weekend trip to eat seafood in msia), my "Spree" ($80 spending at Forever 21, with 30% discount, and loyalty rewards card, 10% shopping voucher, in addition to the 5% discount the manager gives after being a FAMILIAR customer aka. complain queen) many more..
• Aspire to buy Gucci, Prada, and whatever that Hilton lady and her best friend is wearing.
• Fashion statment means spotting that latest "Look" that was featured on FEMALE mag. WHICH was obviously meant for models. OR the winter season.
• Ensure that the 5th C of a diamond is NOT known to others, . i.e. Cut, Clarity, Carat, Color and the 5th being COST SAVING. bloody cheapos.
• A Bargain hunter wanting to look posh.
• Insists on a cocktail even on ladies night. Cummon, Vodka's free flow u noe!
• Insisting paris is Romance city, without even knowing if people DO kiss on the streets, and being HIGHLY conned by korean drama.
• Giving the "i own the world look" while seating in the car, trying to make a modified Subaru run like Ferarri, Nissan March look like Volkswagen beetle, and tinking their Toyota camry is a BMW equivalent.
• NEVER remembering where their car is, needing to sound that sickening alarm for as long as it takes to make everyone turn n stare. HeY! it's called ATTENTION
• Dreaming of dubai, not batting an eyelid to redang. My question to u "frequent Travellers" is that... , where's DUBAI!? ................... (go google it)!!!! it's in UAE. What does it stand for?? United Arab Emirates. hah! guessed as much. STUPID in caps.
• Buy make up and Not skin care ... (ok, i'm digressing)...

MY POINT IS

Dont make me dispise u furthur. go take ur high class dream, put it under your pillow, pray that Zhou Gong will grant ur wish, when he lose that round of chess to you. HELLO!!! wake up ur idea!!

haha.. enough of my random posting. Just some thoughts tt id wana take down, incase i never make it into the Bloody rich category, and happen to uncontrollably slip into the H-F circle.

Enrollment tmr.. DANCE class too! hah.. wonder how it'll turn out =( somebody CONTROL me and tell me NOT to buy dance apparel!!!!!! No idea why... but somehow i'm really lookin 4ward to tis weekend.. a weekend of seemingly promised fun, enjoyment, and company. A weekend of making up, making out and making sure. Let me NOT regret forsaking my $80 worth of OT pay.. =( I know i wont lar!! hahahaa..

Nitez... i Swear prisc's gona b late tmr. mark my words... she said to meet at 11 at clementi. i'd post tmr, letting THE WORLD know wat time she's gona reach. hahA..

Are you out there, it's me.. valerie

gosh. i'm so bloody bored. Wrong word. "SIAN" is a more appropriate.

I feel so so so damn sianz lar.
Someone, bring me to xu liu shan please.....
How about a nice date? just You and me? any takers??

Dear God,
Are you out there? it's me.. Valerie..
(tittle as adapted frm "are you there god, it's me margaret" frm Judy Blume)

Wake me up!
Make me snap out of this need to WANT more of my own life.
Make me feel contented with whatever i have..
whatever i own.. no matter how big or small.

Dont let me covet for the impossible,
Dont allow me to wish for things which i long to have,
or even Feelings which i long to feel.

Just let me Be contented,
and at the same time,
NOT neglect my own feelings,
Nor b too sensitive.

Let someone see what's lurking behind those fearful eyes.
The fear of losing myself once again..
Let someone feel what some others felt
Just let me be at my very best!

People learn, People grow, People change.
Dont make me a victim of circumstances....
Allow me to do what i want, say wat i want.

Who took away the courage to express?
Who's gona allow my freedom of words?
Who made me irk, and feel ill ease with myselF?
Who rebutted the verbal expression of my heart?
EVERYONE said it isnt them.. and they'd never do that.
Infact.. they already did.

Makes no sense???

It's part 2 of:
YOU THINK I GOT GA LAN OR NOT!!?!??! - sometimes, it's onli nice when it comes out of williams mouth. ONLY williams mouth. and maybe yanglun.

As continued frm ytd's post. hah.

a Life without ups and downs.

Is my life peaceful or what? These days, think it's no ups, no downs for me.

Good??
So val has always said tt she wants a stable life..
Can i change my mind??
I rather have an interesting one.
just to rid of my monotony..

How interesting can things get man.. i really wonder. Guess tis is life. When i look at guys, and realize tt most of them are starting to bald, it goes to show that time's flying really fast. How long ago was it tt our hair were just starting to thicken!?!? Now most of my male friends are starting 2 either have receding hairline (aka, the M-shape forehead) or the "di zhong hai" losely translated as .... (Nevermind). OK, it's called the bald patch.

with time passing me so quicky. Doubt i'd have time for an "interesting" lifestyle. i'm Gonna be boring ol val. Sian.

where's there excitement that comes with everything i do?
where's the enthusiasm?
where's the eagerness?
where's the comfort of just doing the stuff i do without seeming too childish?
Where's the ability to act like i dont care?
Where's the confidence to believe that i'm the best?
Where's the control i have in my emotions?

How should i behave so that i would SEEM that i'm not affected by other's perception?
How can i not be bothered by how others think?
How can i not be hurt by passing remarks unknowingly lashed out?
How can i stop being so sensitive?
How can i get the telepathy i once had?
How can i not feel negative?
How can i get the feeling that i am perfect?

Somethings just need to be induced.
Some promises, just need to be kept.
Some truth, just need to be told.
Some lessons i need to learn
some Other things i need to remember
Somethings... just cant be helped.
so Shld i let circumstances take over?

Show me the spark.. that was once there...
or is it my spunK that has died down??

I've goddit!!!
I'm just gona be me.
Take it or leave it.
(yeahh!! here comes the self confidence)
Enough of trying to be nice and good.
I am not.
Being yourself is always v impt.
If i'm not good enough.
So be it... However.... i know im the best. hahahhahaa
(Sorry.. it's a bad habit picked up)

NahHHHH juz feeling a lil... a lil monotonous.
Hence the ranting.

"EH hello! my bloG! u tink i got gah lan what u think!?!?"

OOps!

Post fury

Back from OT. It's either the people who call in the morning are nice by nature, Lady luck's smiling on me, or i'm less crude + Judgemental earlier in the day. It's 2.13 on my PC, and technically, i should have just gotten up, but NO, val just made 40bucks! enough for popcorns and movies for 2 on a weekend. So how about a date sometime soon??

Almost fell asleep while waiting for the bus, Fell asleep while IN the bus, Here i am at home, and i know i cant sleep. or i will NOT get up in time for work.

Walao eh.. i still do get jittery feelings these days. especially after i read certain msgs frm J. when he msged me askin me how i'm feeling and not to be upst abt last nite, and i almost teared again lar!! it's a mix between being gandong that he actually msg me and he's still concerned, and partly becuz i'm reminded of those feelings last nite. walao eh. Guess it's the lack of sleep. **useless val**

mmm... thanks william/yang for ur tags... and priscy + key for the sweet msgs + offers to go out with vaL.. =) no worries. I can manage. It's nothing much.. GIRLS! hah! mafan species.. when you cant do anything about THINGS, just Heck it.

At least these days i can voice my opinions. Still remember the not too distant past... where i had to keep views to myself. A single comment of mine will easily spark an argument, and the supposed pacifier would become pacified. So why in the world did i even make comments or voice my opinions back then!? hah. i could have saved lots of arguments. :P This time round. I shall just say whatever i feel. No point feeling constipated. Whatever reaction i get, so be it... I dont wish to have a constipated relationship with me feelling upset and not having anyone caring. Whatever the out come. so be it. I survived so many... i dont see why i cant survive another.

tsk.. having those lil heart aches now... they come in lil spasms. catching me at moments i dont realize. someone cure it please. =(

Now that i mentioned that do

the very last "happy 1 mth" of mine..

The very last "HAPPY 1 MONTH"

Now this is gona b a post of fury...

Once again i've been labled as a "little girl". FINE. I never thought i was "little" and i never once doubted my level of maturity. Today however. i realized, that. somethings that matter to me, need not matter to others.

Told greg that it was 1 mth since james n i are together. and he said "haiz.. little girl.". Nope. a comment from him wont do much harm. Its juz that James thinks this way too! It seems that this 1 month mean nothing 2 them at all!!! so what's their perception of "WHAT VAL EXPECTS?" they think val wants gifts/presents and everything nice??

**TEeeeHHhhH***
So wrong. All i wanted was the "thought".. i just wanted you to say "happy 1 month dear". Just that!!! or perhaps just say, lets go out 4 a nice meal, just you and me on sat. It need not even be lavish food. It just has to be Me and You! to put it simply. i just want you to remember. If you do remember, why not just SAY it out. SAY that you do remember. I reminded you.. i told you. i sorta made a hoo ha.

Yanglun, William, Nai, *any other guys* correct me if i'm wrong.. But.. these things dont matter to guys anymore does it.??? With the proclamation that TIME does not matter, and that im special everyday.. does it mean we will not celebrate the 1 year aniversary (if there even is one). So guys say that "every day's valentines day" So would you buy me flowers everyday? No. Then to hell with the saying that "everyday's valentines day".

To sum it all. Guys expectations (or so they say) and GIRL's perception of things are different. *fair enough*... I cant change the way god made those egogistic male and how they think. And i cant help but fall in love and feel attracted to those hot blooded creatures because i'm Hetrosexual. Guess i'd just have to LIVE with it.

I am NOT going to whine on the 9th of every month, saying that he did nt remember, and i feel like shit, and that i am deprived of feeling special just once a month. *even period come once a month and last bout 5 days!!!* so what's one day of the month!!!?!?!?!?!!??!! I am so not gona put myself down.Since im the "up and about" kind of person. AND Since i am in no position to control others or change how other's feel, i shall just jolly well NOT bother about them, and not change them... who am i to change the guy species anyway.

I shall change myself. The only person you have full control of is urself. From today onwards. the 9th of every month shall not mean anything. There will not be any "happy 2nd mth darling" or "happy X mth darling". NO MORE. I'm kidding myself if i say that i can forget it in a FLASH. But i shall try and by sheer will power, just heck everithin. On the 9th of every month. i'm sure priscy, key and many others wld remember. I'm sure james would too!! =) so would i. but it would just be another ordinary day.

I'm just saying that. it does not matter if he doesnt wish me or doesnt make me feel A little more special on that day. james is right. I mean something to him everyday. I respect your decision, and i see sense in ur words. Hence... No MORE month shit. oh.. does 1 year/2years count? does it?? tell me.. DOES IT!?!?! it does yeah... it prolly does. tts y ppl celebrate their birthday once a year and not once a month.. ok, i think i'm really silly. k lar k lar... i'm a little girl can? fine? a bloody kid!! FUck i'm 20, not 2000!!!

Forget it. I was so upset i cried after greg comments and after putting down the phone with james. I freggin cried till my water proof mascara came off! (time for a new one! *points at wish list)... The tears was becuz i felt hurt. that im considered "immature in my thinking" and that james doesnt bother about this DAY that matters to me (or so i think). After tears and feeling hurt. i Felt Pissed. told priscy bout it while hearing her speak of some BASTARD, after that i felt it was relatively comical. Just that we dont see eye to eye. that's all. Something small.. became something big.... because it meant SOMETHING to me!!!!!!!!!

the "SOMETHING big" now means nothing to me. Since i cant control u, i shall control myself. U always said to Tell u if there's anything on my mind. I did. afew days back. on the day itself, i did again. What's the point of telling anyway. hmph. Forget it. it's over. Dont mean anything 2 me now (or for the time being at least.. until something changes my mind..)

If i can keep that person i use to love so much OUT of my heart and NOT shed a tear for him ever since that fateful sunday.... Its definately due to sheer will power and nothing else. AND. i can do anything i set my mind to. If i say it's out.. it's out. Dont try me, dont test me. Call me childish, "little girl", irational or anything you want. From today onwards. the 9th will not mean a thing.

You're right. Everyday's a special day. in that case.. i'm just gona deprive myself of 12 "super special" days a year. and settle for 365 special days. Good bargain rite!?!?! heh.. that's provided you keep up with the pace and standare you set for yourself. Prisc told me never to expect. Look wat happens when i expect that being 2gether 4 1 mth DOES mean something 2 you?? look... it only landed me in tears. No val. dont expect.

OT at 8am. tmd... why the FCUK did my itchy fingers apply OT.. do i really need the $$$ damn it.

Updated wishlist!

Fiddled a little wif my wish list on the left. aka. Shopping list by SANTA VAL!

Realized that 60% were made possible/given by Mr. J.. :/ am i like over reliant!? Damn it. Cannot Cannot. Prisc will kill if i were to do so much as to take forgranted anything i have. I can always count on my babes to "Snap" me back to reality. She's brutally honest. and i really appreciate that. It keeps me standing FIRM.. or at least anchored during rough times.

GREEN COL ITEMS are my must gets, PURPLE's pending, and BLACK is gone case. haha..

Went KTV with Key n Priscy. As usual, Key's the KTV queen, prisc n i were supporting actresses. Just like AH*Mei and her sisters in thoes MTV... Key's AH MEI, priscy and i are the sisters!!! hahaa.. now we know who has the "powerful" voice. Didnt come accros as suprising tho!! heh..

Oh.. Another reason why i like being with them.. i can just cry, and girls being girls. we understand. They didnt give me the weird look when i cried after watching the MTV. WalAoo it was really damn sad!!! me being the sua ku, cried as it was my first time viewing it. They gave me a hug, and it didnt come accross as being weird/over emo. Bet if i was with guys/some other weird girls, they'd have given me the "LOOK" or.. i'd be hiding those "tears".. Ehh.. i'm really very EMO larr.. haha.

Had to be a pilot 2day and fly priscy/key's aeroplane. :( worked OT on my offday. I cant help it. i just need to make as much as i can while i still can! Dont ask why. There's NO particular reason. not xmas, vday, bday.. nothing. it's just the NEED to NOT feel broke, NOT feel dependent on others for $$, NOT be 100% taken care of. Think im well taken care of already tho.. =)

Sometimes i feel like a princess.. ok. NOW i do feel like a princess.. was queuing up for the stupid mango salad... and those stupid aunties had 2 cut my queue time n again. Being fed up, i msged J, and headed home. After work at Westcoast mac, he passed my "suprise" to me.. MANGO SALAD!! Now how sweet's that?? Vif asked how's my honeymoon.. =( the frown wasnt becuz it wasnt goin well... but becuz of the fact that it's a honeymoon.. well come to tink of it, i never HAD a honey moon wif eric.. This time round. i'm not sure if it IS counted as one.. For one, i dont wish it WAS a honeymoon.. i want things stay the way it is.. or get better!! not him.. but me including..

1 more day to our 1 mth 2gether. he asked me not to "count"... hmm fair enough. BUT I"M A GIRL MAH!!! all girls sure would count! those who say you dont, go spank ur ass, face the wall and WAKE UP UR IDEA!!! haha. tts not the worst idea. He didnt make mention of anything at all, as tho he didnt remember. ok, fair enough he DOES remember. but.. not even a meal 2gether? mmm.. nothing special's ok. but .. not even meeting up??? and best of all, he's goin to his friend's birthday. and he use to like this girl ALOT.. **green eyed monster comin up** so what if she's attached now.. im still green eyed! Cant help it. dont wana hlp it either. im feeling wat i'm feeling, so juz heck lar. he likes me being myself... all girls turn a lil green at times. dont they!? but i'm "controlled" lar.. hahaha.. not the unreasonable bitch.. Just the timid gf.. who wants to act as if she doesnt mind infront of her bf. Trying. But i'm green cuz feelings are involved. if theres no feelings, then i wont even bother! at least i know he wont see my posts till the weekend...

WAKE UP UR IDEA VAL. . so it's true tt ur friends find tt he's reali sweet/nice and gona do something.. Like prisc said once again.. Dont expect, Dont compare.

Xmas/Bday shopping tmr. Gosh i'm gona b so broke!!! :(

show me the $$$$

Thinking my xmas shopping list, and starting to worry
Looking at my Bank balance, and starting 2 panic
Wondering wat i should get for myself, and getting disheartened. =(

Someone said he'd get me a birkens.. but he would never have the chance to..
So many things i want, Not many things i need. heh..

Dad always said to buy with ur brain.. not your heart. He said that since i was.. hmm 3? 4? Now that i'm a freggin 20 turning 21, i've still yet to learnt the lesson.

How often do we really buy things we need, and not what we LIKE? (girls i mean, congrat, guys are known to be more rational)..

with 101 things in mind.. i doubt even my OT pay would make up for 1/4 of it. =(
I just want to be able to buy the things i want to buy, and not worrying about having enough $$ for my nxt meal.. or meals in the month to come.

Tink my auction fetish is back.. How bout a GAP mahogany rhinestone hobo?


Sponsors.. anyone?? heh..
available at yahoo auctions.sg
=(

AND THERE ARE SO MANY MORE SUPERB STUFF!!!

other than the lack of $$ i'm CONTENTED with life as of now. heh..

may i find 1Million SGD in my room tmr, and not be arrested for graft or anything of the sort. :P hehehe..

"HELLO!!! WAKE UP UR IDEA!!"

Quick update

Guilty as charged. Havent been bloggin for... 6 days?? And i'm too lazy to refresh this dead memory of mine.

Let's work backwards.
Just came back from doin OT. 2nites in a row, i'd work frm 6pm to 11pm, break for 30mins, and i'd work frm 1130pm to 530am(yesterday) or 430am(today).. Its really different working at night. not that stressed. Just very............ hmm lets just say it's different working at night. totally different "style" relatively laid back i'd say. Mr J was supposed to buy me supper, but told him not to bother.. (val's on diet lar).. He said he's goin jogging, and in actual fact, he bought my fave Crystal jade Xiao Long Bao, and herbal tea!!! Gave me sucha sweet suprise! hehee... recieved his call for "help" as it's realllllyy confusing in IBP at night. Hmmm having him as my bf.. it's like "tio 4d".. Really HENG!!!

On sat James got his new car, and he chauffered us to and fro East Coast. Picked the girls up, sent priscy back (and took vodka frm her place). And in the meanwhile he had a wedding dinner...on sunday, chauffered me to work, and wanted to fetch me back. WalaOooo... i felt damn guilty. he was rushing for his dinner, and Honestly. i want a boyfriend. not an "ahmad"... Really touched by his actions.. Really Really Really.... i feel so taken care off. My pals feel taken care of too! Rrrriggghhttt!?!?! ;)

Anything prior to sat, i'd need to refer to my PDA. Seriously what's wrong with me.. my memory seems to be failing.. Or do i not bother remembering? perhaps it's not that significant. That's why i dont quite remember. irregardless, i'm an extreme procrastinator. Hence i'm not gona put up the photos of whatsoever event or even write into details. I cant. Gona take ages. Check out Priscy/Key/William/Yanglun/Chris's blog for pix and everything else. Val needs sleep.

Oh. Next here's ONE VERY of the few pissifying things u can do to me, to make me UTTERLY PISSED!. After a nice long relaxing shower. i was back in my room, stripped naked, slathered cranberry body butter from body shop all over my body, applied face cream, my hair all out of my face and indulging in the sensuality of it all. MY MUM HAD TO KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND ASK ME TO GO OUT AS SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME!!!.. walao ehhh.. so i had to dress, talk, come back in and strip again. like WTF... DO NOT disturb me when i'm not dressed and wana be left alone. Damn it.. it's 5.30 am lar!

Ohh.. last night. after working OT. i was such a klutz and was searching frantically for my corp card.. hence i "unloaded" my bag, only to leave my make up pouch in the cab. Onlyrealized it was gone when i had to make up for work. PANIC. I had no pins, no rubberband, no sunblock, no NOTHING. I left for work, with only moisturizer and a hairband on my body. Suprisingly, it felt good!!! My face did not "churn out as much oil" as it usually does, cleansing was done extremely easy, i did not look EXTREMELY bad (or so i think). It'll be a resolution to be less reliant on make up, and just let my skin BREATHE. Thank god the pouch was returned by the kind taxi uncle, whom i'm so gonna write a complimentary letter for.

Appart frm my over reliance on make up (and the very fact that i put those i always use in the pouch), here's why i panicked.

1. Clinique Foundation + Case= $70
2. MAC Concealer= $35
3. Fancl Eyeliner=$30
4. Bodyshop brow pencil=$15
5. Vanilla Mint Chapstick="priceless" frm the states
6. Blusher= $25
7. Blush Brush= $ 28
8. Clinique Super Cityblock= $50
9. Fancl Mascara= $45
10. Fancl Eyelash Curler$25
11. Box of pins and Rubber bands= my only supply $3

Approximately $320!!!!!!! Rough estimate, and based on BRAND NEW replacement cost. so glad i got my stuff back. gave the uncle $10. PheWww... =)

Bedtime. For once in a very long time... I think my life is great!! i love my girlies, and i love james.. who loves me just as much. No major worries. Thank you God. Really grateful.

So much betta now.

Afew moments later,

Prisc came online. She said she felt that there was this "CALLING" that someone needed her online. Thanks dear. That's me. Thanks for coming online. Miss key didnt reply my msn. so she's proly slpin.

She mentioned tt i'm EMO and PARANOID, which is true to a certain extend. YES.. i am. i was.. ok. i still am.


PriScY says:
trust me.. it's james we're talking abt... not OTHER guys.

**claps** jame's bottle of peach vodka has done well. Reali scored unlimited points wif priscy. :P

Haha. prisc is right lar. u ARE aSleep.. its me. confusing myself with my confusing thoughts. i shld juz take things at surface value. Guess a part of me just wants J to be happy happy happy happy always. not be bogged by work stress n all. Best of all, i juz want the BOTH of us 2 b happy!... =) yes. i know we will.

~~~Lalala!!~~
thanks 4 cheerin me up priscy... hmm greg attempted too. but ended up vomiting blood... guess it's a Male-female thing. where we juz wont see eye to eye on all issues. hah. and thankeW keY for "tucking me in" to bed... (virtually)... haha. askin me 2 wash up.. slp . :) MuaKz... WILLIAM!!!!! wish u were online earlier.. :( thanks aniwae.. knew i could rant to u if ever i want to!! :)

Still think im an ugly duck.. one tt goes KWAKKKKKK KWWWAAAKKK...
not even a duckling. duckling grew up 2 b a swan. i'm a grown duck.
so.. KWWWaaaKKK!!!
will u still love this fat duck? :(

Tears at last.

dont complain about me not blogging k?... here i am, BLOGGING NOW!

and i'm in tears, looking really bad, blowing my nose out, wif mascarra comming off. It seems like it isnt that water proof after all!

it started off with me being in a bad mood, and stupid me, had to juz msg james to tell him im in a bad mood. after which, asked why, and i obviously dont know why!!!! if i know i would tell.. but val doesnt! how 2 telL!?!?! so his last msg went "ayah, u dont wish to say den nvm. i go slp ler. nitez" after that, i msged him called him... NO REPLY!!!!!!!

walaOoo i'm like left hanging there now lar! and i think i'm seriously so depressed! at least reply me to say he's ok.. etc. FINE, he msged me 2 say he's gona slp already.. so he's prolly slping. but still..... i dont feel at ease!

Feeling PMSsy.... PMS was never an excuse i gave myself. NEVER. guess now i really have to credit it ALLL to pms. i feel so volatile... i havent cried in ages. aaaagggeeesss. it was quite hard to get the tears rolling, but YES, now that its started, it cant stop.

AND I"M HUNGRY!!! i'm hungry n i'm upset, i'm tired, n i'm so lazy to shower!. what can be worst!? i cannot take hunger. i simply cant. once i'm hungry i'd be in a bad mood. and i can eat less, but i cant dont eat. :( i'm so upset now.... i'm so hungry, n i feel like eating supper... but i cant. cuz i'm trying to lose weight!

GosHhh all this nonsensical ranting.. swear i'm gona faint if i read them again. but hell no!!! i'm juz gona continue. Doubt james even reads it in the first place. im having a sore throat already... my throat's feeling all sore. =( think i'm being too demanding as a gf. im sorry. if im bad. dump me.

OH WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING!!! i dont want him to do that!!! fine.. i'm suffering a lil frm inferiority complex.. so what... i dont think im good enough loR.... and so happens i've got a bf who doesnt express that well. HENCe my stupid brain running in all directions.

So why the hell do i care how others view me!? not OTHERs. it's my bf. i care for his opinion. hence my current trauma. i tink.. im really getting too concerned bout his words.sometimes i read too much into his meaning. he juz said he was gona slp! he's not ignoring u val!!! WAKE UP!!!

Priscy... Key.. where are u!!?? :( val just feels upset. no reason. really really no particular reason.... trust me when i say that.... James, wont u just get up, msg me.. and let me smile to bed tonight!?

I'M HUNGRY!!!!! i'd juz keep crying till i feel betta... emotionally at least.. useless me. Yes i know. so what. will u still love me for me? Its really true that i dont know wats goin through ur mind at times james. :(

my SUPRISE delivery!

Before Mr. J left, he asked for a favor, he said that his dad bought him and his mum an early Xmas gift, but there wasnt anyone arnd to collect it. Hence he asked if it was possible tt the entertainment set was sent to my house first, and he'd collect it when his back. I said Of cuz!!

When i asked for a reciept, he conveniently forgot, as it's with his mum, and he's always busy. Well, he mentioned that it was fine, as he gave my contact number, etc to the delivery person already. Being the ever sensitive val, i thought he would be sending me a gift or something when he asked for my address. I guess not.. sigh. He's a busy man.. plus he's busy with his impending trip, and humongous workload.. =(

He Jested and mentioned that maybe the deliv person wld sent a "gift" and when i LIT up and asked what it was.......... he said... "a microphone"... ('_'). Here's a tip from val, Never expect something from a guy... the lesser u expect, the lesser disappointment you'd get. I wasnt that dismayed actually, Since he's gona b away, n it's gona b the LONGEST time tt i aint gona c him. But there isnt any "ocassion".. so why the need for anything special? **Secretly wishing tt something wld happen tho**

So val just told prisc bout the roller coaster emotions she's got, n even the clever prisc Didnt think there wld be any "suprise" goin on, since val feels tt he isnt very romantic apparently. What a poker faced guy!!

**TING TONG** i napped on the sofa, was afraid i'd miss the delivery. It's all worth it =)


MY FAVE GERBERRAS!!!!!!!!!

3 red, 3 orange, 3 pink! along with a card that goes like tis:

WalaOOooo val's heart melted lar!!! Mushy? hair standing? U'RE JUST JEALOUS!!! NEH NEH NI POo pOO!!

Rang him up immediately!!!! It's the biggggggest bouquet of gerberras i've recieved!!! ThanK you Dear!!!!!!!!!!! =) **Beams** u sure do know how to make my day despite being away! Hmmm.. ok, i'm upgrading u to semi-romantic!!!!!! hehehhee.. Know u like the "gift" i got u too!! too bad i didnt have time to take pix of it!

Here are some thoughts for today:
"There isnt any "DAY" for special stuff, not the time of the year, nor the day of a month, everyday would b a special day, if u've got a special someone in ur heart. So why wait!? Quick do something sweeeet for that special someone now.. Be it a suprise for ur loved one, or just spending time with ur mates"

10 things i like

on my way to HV, and prisc is stuck at the apple center. As expected. In the meanwhile, guess i'd just blog, n keep myself entertained.

Here's 10 things I like about prisc:
1. she looks great! No matter what she wears. Great dress sense!
2. She mixes arnd with my friends / bf's friends v well!
3. We can bitch abt anything and have serious talks at the same time
4. We can stay in the toilet for the longest time, making ourselves pretty.
5. She listens to me whine
6. She understands what i'm saying most of the time, w/o me sayin it out.
7. We entertain each other, making each other hyped up abt food, outtings n god knows what. Haha
8. Our taste in guys are totally different, so there's no way we're gona FIGHT for the same guy
9. She's my sexy dancing clubbing partner!!
10. I can be oh so VALERIE when i'm with her :)

10 Things i like about key
1. She's LOUDER than i am
2. She makes "dramatic-val" seem mediocre
3. She's an inspiration. i wana b as skinny damn it!
4. She's always online, to provide a listening "ear"
5. She's *almost* the same size as me so she can lend me her pants!
6. She's always giving me advise, making me feel a lil chirpier!
7. She's my evil twin, when i dont know wat's wrong sometimes, i can count on her 2 give the best answers.
8. She's so Pretty!!
9. A photoslut like myself
10. She's the my kind of girl... =)

10 things i like about James
1. He always knows what to do, and has a clear head
2. He's got a stable job, and knows what he wants in future
3. He makes it a point to give in to me whenever we have our disagreements.
4. He walks me home everyday after work
5. He Messages me on his own will before he sleeps every nite.. *now how mani guy does tt w/o being asked by his gf!?*
6. It seems like seeing val is more impt than sleep!! and he IS wiling to forsake a little sleep! *what a change frm other guys* really am touched.
7. He's never late for impt stuff like work (only). every thing else, SURE LATE!. At least i wont need to worry
8. He can take care of himself best of all, he takes care of me too!!
9. I feel safe and cozy when i'm with him.. Be it just holding hands, or giving him a hugg. Makes me wana stay by his side.
10. Just the both of us, doing nothing, and i'd feel all contented already. =)
11. He remembers his promises made, things he agreed to do, and even THings i said!
12. He wants me to make things explicit, and he'd just do it!
13. My friends like him.
14. He remembers my fave flowers, food, and little things etc
15. He's fiercely loyal to his friends
16. He stays near by!! *now that's a plus point*
17. He dresses well. Think he looks really good in office wear. =)
18. VERY orderly *just the opposite of val*.. very "accountant"-style. haha
19. Not sure if he's the romantic kind of guy, wish he was.. but he gave me suprises!!! like the Yanzi CD!!
20. Very thoughtful guy indeed.
21. Not very expressive, Lots of probing needed, DONT even know wat he really likes and really wants, but he's definately making life easy for me by liking me the way i am.
22. Good memory.
23. EugH!!! he smokes lar!!! damn.. ok, i like it when he says tt he'd cut down. Hearing it makes me happy, because i really do want him 2 cut down. i hate it when my bf smokes. but u know what!? deep inside i know it'll b impossible for him 2 quit. Damn it. i know he wont, yet i feel happy when he say tt he wld. am i stupid or stupid or wat? I'd love any guy who'd give up smoking for me!! then again, it's impossible to give up smoking... sigh... no guy/girl wld b able to do it. DARLING I REALLY WISH YOU WLD SMOKE LESS OR NONE AT ALL!!! let tis b my chrismas, birthday, new year wish... then again, wishes seldom come true.... Now that he's going to BKK, i'm sure he'd smoke like nobody's buisness. So who am i to even bother/control him!? i've learnt my lesson through eric/jesse. I've learnt that i cant control/stop anione frm smoking, no matter how much i wish.. tis time round... i just thought that things were gona b different. there still was a glimmer of hope that things are gonna b different.... they're different in personality character etc. Guess it's the same when it comes to smoking. =( i wish.... i wish..... i wish.. Forget it lar! if he's happy doing it.. guess i can live with it.


Oops, did i say 10? guess i exceeded by quite abit!
In short, a James a day, keeps the troubles away!!
I'd miss him when he's away... sigh..

Shall leave the honors of posting pix/stories bout settlers cafe to PRISCY! val's tired. long day tmr.

funny ah neh..

Was surfing pass ron's blog and here's what i found

asdf

FUNNY SHIT

asdf

I swear it's funny. No doubt a racist and vulgar... haha.. Do check it out if u're free! Oh, follow the translation if u can. =)

asdf

My new sitting arrangement totally sucks!! i do not like it there. i wana go back to where i was right infront of adrian, at the corner.. where i feel most at home.. =( My new seat is so far away from everywhere. And its totally empty. argH. i betta find new stuff to spruce it up! i so do not like it there!!

asdf

Got a whole stack of DVDs / VCDs frm mr J, and TMD!!! the TV's in Black n White after i hook my new dvd on to it. oh damn it. He lend me the whole stack of shows, in attempt to keep me busy, and not SSTTTRRRAAAYYY while he's off to thailand. hahaha.. good attempt. First, lets fix the TV!!! grRr

asdf

Feels good knowing that i'm OFF tomorrow!! whEee!! gona head to settler's cafe with priscy dear, chris, J, Greg, ++ Kinda miss prisc, havent seen her in a long while.. and Key's chatter!!! i only "hear" her through msn.. sigh. cant wait for 29th, where i can finally bask in the sun once more! =) new bikini pls!!

asdf

Feel like goin to thailand, or taiwan.. Food's great there. If ever i go for a trip, i'd make sure i fast for 30 days first. Or else i'm NEVER gona lose that weight =( i so wana lose weight.. but i'm so easily hungry at the same time ..

asdf

VAL WANTS TO EAT THE WAN TON MEE FRM 651!!!!

asdf

it's bed time.. and its really cold n breezy tonite. somehow wish i wasnt snuggling alone in bed.. =) yaWnz..

Wake up QUITTER!

My weekend felt weirdly Fulfilling. Had Boonlay Nasi lemak for dinner, and headed to Jurong point for Harry Potter at 0040hrs. Thats bout it. Yet, it felt really really really satisfying. No doubt dinner + movie companion consists of a weird mix of Greg Myself and James, it still felt very very nice. =) WERID I KNOW.. val hates Jurong point. it's a market place to her.. a place where i head for lunch, get last min stuff etc. Guess its just a feeling of spending a WEEKEND with someone you love. a weeknight. After a tiresome/bothersome week of work, a weekend where both parties are feeling lighthearted and carefree, just getting to gether.. vaL feels contented. =)

Not in the best of moods now. No idea what's wrong man, Failed 2 quizes badly at work today, and got fugged up calls. Sometimes, i've got no idea why the hell am i even working, i can just get $$ frm my parents like what my bro's doing now. to hell with work, i'm a STUDENT, i'm STUDYING.... i dont need to pay for my bills, expenses, clothes, my parents will jolly well take care of em.. Feel like juz throwing the letter at times. It sucks having stupid ppl stepping on ur tail, doing stupid things like quizzes which i hate so very much. i hate quizzes, tests, exams, spot checks, anything quantifying. My abilities arent quantifiable. Guess its just a realistic way of measurement, and i failed it. damn. Here's what they taught me.. "It may be your 100001th call, but it's the customer's 1st." I make sure i've got that in mind b4 i answer any call. Professionalism u call that? job ethics i suppose. im taking your $$, i jolly well do my job and make sure i meet ur expectations.

I WISH

1. I had rich parents who'd buy me cars houses and everything i want
2. I had a rich husband who'd continue buying me cars houses and everything i want
3. I wish i had children who'd dote on me and buy me EVERYTHIHG i want
4. damn it. Forget the top 3, i just want to earn enough to buy myself anything and everything i want! on top of that. i wana make sure i can get my PARENTS the things they want, make my husband happy, and children contented.

Sorry. I have none of such abilities. For now, im just so sick and tired of work, that i wish to throw the letter. Damn it. speak of low morale and lack of motivation.. argh. Val's no longer a quitter. if it were the old me, i'd have left long ago. guess i cant leave now. i've got Responsibilities.. a responsibility to myself. I need this job. Damn val. whack urself and stop ur bloody ideas bout quitting n all. How the hell are u gonna even FEED yourself. To hell with independence. I shld just be every other stupid bimb. mix arnd with more trashy FE-male whom william can introduce me to, and just be...... trashy! LEECH on guys.. look towards $$$ fast cars and all.

So why in the world is val not LEECHING!?!?! why in the world does she prefer takin the MRT and Bus in comparison to a cab!? she wasnt brought up this way. she's conditioned to behave this way. Show me the $$ show me the $$ show me the $$!!! SLAP ME QUICK! make me snap out of this quit mode!

Results are out on the 7th... Jame's leavin on the 23rd, pay's in on the 26th.. blah blah blah. i'm sick of this boring life.... but that's life! hah. WAKE UP VAL!

val's FReggin messy!

Congrats to the 100TH successful post on this blog, appart from those few ocassions where blogger crashed on me, my bloggin experience has been an extremely memorable one =). Till date i've got erm.. 11178 counts on my stats, and i've been bloggin since.... 24th aug 2005! OK, so much for comemerating my 100th post! heh.

Its not an un known fact. And i really hate to admit it.. I'M FREGGIN MESSY!!!!!!! i'm only neat when i want to be, and i'd mess up my whole room, and pack it only when i've got the mood. It just feels great to throw every thing all about, anywhere i want to! i call this ORGANIZED MESS, because somehow or other, i DO know where my stuff are.. when mum packs my stuff.. that's it. you'd hear me SCREAMING.. "MUM!!!!!!!!!!!! wheres my XXXXXXX...!!!!?!?!?!?".. I finally admit the fact that i'm messy because of a few obvious facts i realized today:

1. Emails at work are in a mess, and unsorted
2. Wires are all over the table. Laptop Charger, HP charger, PDA charger, PDA cable, HP cable, External drive, External drive batt charger, Mouse, Earphones.. YOU NAME IT!
3. Clothes are left unsorted in my cupboard
4. Ear-Rings are left un-HUNG after wearing
5. Make up are left DISORGANIZED
6. Last sem's notes Un trashed
7. CDs unsorted
8. Even my FILES in my PDA are messy
9. Worst still, pictures in my Laptop are in a greater mess
10. Im starting to faint when i look the keyboard area of my table. Filled with god knows wat lar!

Damn it.. Damn damn DAMN IT! feeling more n more pissed off as i look at this sty of mine. i swear i'd pack it b4 the year ends.. *grinz* (note the long lead time) haha..

Resolution of the year. to be a NEATER PERSON!!! and not just stash my junk anywhere avail.. sigh. thank god my room's not that big. or it'll still be filled with my mess! Give val some credit lar ok? she can be really neat when she wants to. Unlike william who's a neat freak, i tink i'm not neat by nature! haha. really pity those who're gona have the chance to STAY with me. namely PRISC! :P.. operation NEAT VAL in progress!

Its a sat at long last. Finally a day where i can spent with J, without worries of having to go back early as he's got work the nxt dae.. Despite meeting up almost everyday, it's juz a short while! I do look 4ward to the weekends. ok, so sats are gona be DEDICATED to mr. J!!! :D even if ive gota go out wif friends, he's taggin along on sat niteS! wahaha.. well, my sat DAYS are to my girlies if they're ON for tanning! hehe.. I'd never forsake my babes.

Good nite everione, and have a goOd sat. it's my OFF DAY!!! ok 38 hilda and 38 ST... u guys gota work! wahahhahaa.. know u're checking tis out.. and ST wants me 2 proclaim tt both him and Hilda are 38s!!! haha

a drunk val is a truthful val

a druNkard vaL is a truthful val!!!! wHHhheeee!!!!!


a lil high, a lil tipsy, and very very grateful for whatever i've got now...

To Key: u'd always be the bez listening ear i've got. like priscy said, double trouble. we're quite a double, and everyone's gona be in trouble.

To priscy: Thanks for everything babe... u're always a joy to be with. the both of u have my deep dark secrets. and i've got urs too!!! spill any and we'd all be doomed!

To Mr J: i hope u know how i feel. Hope u like my lil gift... My lil gestures... I admit, i aint the best, neither am i the most understanding..... and more often than not, i'm paranoid, and i make u worry. blah blah blah blah yada yada yada!!! Think my tipsy sms to u earlier on says it all...... is it too quick, is it too soon!?!?!?!? for now.... i just know u're the only one i wana be with. Fugg my past. Its over. Screw it.... I think i love u james... Pls love me with all ur heart ok? dont break it like how eric did. Dont... Pls dont. i cant take another heart break. god damn it... ERIC!!! argHHhahhahahahadamn it damn it damn it. fuckin pissed... damn it...

never the less... at least i've got my babes, and i've got Mr J...

WHhehhehehehehe val's a happy girl for now. alcohol makes me happy... clubbing makes me feel sexy. all i want and need now is James to make me feel loved.

Good nite everyone. val's kinda tipsy.. kinda high, and she aint gona read wat she blog!
muaKKszzz!!! NITES!!!!!! LOVE Y'aLL!!!!

Prisc, Key: go find ur happiness..... :)

Unhappy val

val's unhappy.

She's unhappily unhappy, cuz she was unhappy with sumone, and said unhappy remarks, and someone else became unappy. therefore she is now unhappy that the person who initially made her unhappy is now unhappy.

Geddit? No? nevermind. Just read the words in italics or BOLD.

Feel lousy now. Not only did i not manage to take leave for my bro's bday, i didnt even get to wish him Happy birthday face to face. I wanted to get him a present, but realize that i'm too broke to do so. Guess i'd just have to wait till nxt mth. Felt so upset when i saw that the cake was still in the fridge. No one cut it yet. :( a heart wrenching kind of unhappiness.. Its the "xin Suan" kind of feeling..

"Sorry Des. Happy Birthday. Jie Jie Loves u.. and she just wants u to know how proud of u she is..... Proud that u're becoming the guy u are, clever, fun loving, fit, smart, handsome, cute, righteous, walking in the light of god, and being just the guy u are. U may never read this, but.. i'd be by ur side no matter what, cuz u're the only bro i've got"

today, it felt that my heart STILL could ache. Well, not a terrible pain, but a pang of anxiety..
my heart's kinda immuned to the pain that can be inflicted. When i begged eric to stay, to come back. That was heart wrenching. Never wld it happen again. I thought i wont feel a thing any more. So its true that he's gone, and i'd never be able to have similar happiness and sensations etc.. But val's moved on. She's got someone else. There wont be another person who doesnt think im fat and allows me to eat ALL I WANT. there wont be another person who's like eric. But u know what? no 2 person's exactly the same. the truth is...... Val has a pride too. Pride is Your downfall eric, its YOU shoving me aside, and not taking me back. My downfall on the other hand, wld be to believe you'd even come back. I know i've got someone else, someone whom i'm willing to work hard with... work towards a future which i thought was impossible. So hold my hands J, and lets walk. Walk walk walk, and walk. away from the past. No doubt its bitter, But trust me, if it was placed infront of me again, i'd stilll hold on to ur hands, and i'd not even flinch.

When i felt that anxiety for Mr. J. I knew things were gona b different frm now on. and Damn it. J keeps askin me 2 go back to eric if i think he's the right personfor me. Hell no. I pay for my mistake and eric pays for his! Since eric decided to move on before me, its only right that i move on as well. why stay in the same spot.. I'm happy with J that's final. I'm happy that he's happy, and i know feelings for him wld definately grow.

For one, he has got traits which i really admire. I may not feel totally at ease when i'm with him now, and i may even feel conscious, paranoid, insercure and god knows what, but, Hey! there's no bench mark for comparison.. Hell, we're only together for a short period of time. Its 2 entirly different relationships. He may not know how to express himself well, and his words sting a lil at times, but i guess.... i've been too sensitive, and even subconsciously comparing the 2 guys. Im sorry i did. Well, the fact is... I'm lookin 4ward. toward s the future. Aint gona get hung up on the past.

Mr. J, Thank You for saying sorry, giving in. being afraid that i'm angry etc... These are things that really touch my heart. These are things, which others may not have done... "a plant needs air water fertilizers and god knows what to grow..." "a relationship needs time, effort, concern, understanding, love, love, love, love, and lots of love." I'm sorry i upset u J. Just FYI, val's anxious about hw u're feeling. She cant help feeling anxious.... and she cant slp!!!! i think i reali was alil harsh... SORRY!!!!! *pulls ears*


Badminton day tmr!!! with prisc. val's gona make sure she perspires....


Key: thanks for hearing val out... hush hush.. i know my secrets r safe with u girls.. **huGgzz** love y'all!!! n thanks 4 ur advise "when u just get together, u just want ur partner to see the best of u"... Guess that was why i was upset with J, and J got upset.. If only J sees this.... He use to read my blog... not animore i guess.. Then again. he's bz wat!!! hmph! :)

post exam activities

At long last my back dated pictures are up. Sometimes i really wonder. Why do i even bother to take up time blogging, instead of using my precious time to do more productive things. Guess it's more or less a norm to blog general feelings, loved pictures, and strong views of mine. The feeling of clicking on to those archived items and jolting memories of the past is worth a million dollars!

Blogging is a way of re-arranging personal thoughts. Its a form of classification, re-arrangement, sorting, filtering, prioritization, elimination, and completion. Whatever u wana call it, but its all of the above to me. Like now, when i'm feeling all dull and listless, there's an outlet for my views... sigh...

Went to the beach on sat with Key and prisc


James gave me a lift from home, and after lunch, a lift INTO sentosa.. *thanks!*
Sun wasnt to key's expectation. that girl wants to turn turn BBBLLLAAACCKK.. well, it was just right for me, Mild tanning.. toO much would result in myself peeling from shoulders back to belly like before!

Really shaggggg that day, why? because val spent the night in clementi police station. I swear its more entertaining/interesting/pissifying than how i'm describing it in my blog, but in short. i fuggin hate the POLICE in general! purely based on personal experience. Dont know any police personally. Even if i do, i doubt i'd like them. oh bloody shit. they suck!

So there we were at mdm wong.. i reached at about 1140, had onli a couple of drinks, afew short rounds of dancing, and the CNB ppl were there. The clever val told james, "hey, they're there! lets go join them".. the police asked if we were together. we "cleverly" replied yes. They took our ICs, Led us out, and i thought they'd be escorting us OUT to GO HOME. Before we know it, they asked us to get Up a van, and there i was at clementi police station. not bad, we got a lift back tot he west.

We were supposed to get urine samples taken, and as requested, we need 3 bottles of pee. VALERIE JUST WENT TO THE TOILET, and it took hell long for the 3 bottles to be squeezed. For those who dont know (september 7th post), i really really do NOT have a "pee-as-demand" system in my body. The more i need the pee, the less i can pee. To make matters worst, I went to the toilet just before they raided the place.

Oh, can mention that i DO NOT squat and pee?? neither do i like someone watching me pee. A female so to speak!!! In short, i pulled my skirt up and my Gs down a total of 5X that night. 4X when i was ATTEMPTING to get the pee out (only successful on my LAST attempt. only managed a few drops the first 3X), and the 5th and last time i was exposed, was when i was at the lock up room, and all the water i drank HAD to come out. See what i mean, when i dont need it, it JUST have to come..

The female officer insisted that i squat, face her, and PEE with her looking at me. How bad can it get. :( The guys were worst off. An as* of an officer denied one guy of releasing his pee. and mr S*AN NG CH** P*NG of Clementi police station was hell rude. HELLLLL RUDEEEE i say. shall save my curses and swears. To make matters worst, i'm supposed to report back 2 weeks from now. what the hell man...

On the very same day, val busted $170 at kai, and $10 on neoprints with prisc, only to press the WRONG option, to end up with 36 SMALL shots! haha. Oh, and here's one way to really maximize the $$ spent. Take 36 small shots, get all 9 Pictures, use a good digi cam, and snap the print out!! hahahaa... that's what we did!!

Spent lots of time writing, scribbling, erasing, figuring out those jap words, etc.. Was FUNNN tho!! =) The last time i took a neo pic/card... was with eric. The realized the pic we took never left my wallet. Only realized when it dropped out of my wallet today. It was totally forgotten and left untouched. The fact that it dropped out, meant that it's supposed to leave. It chose to drop out. So i'd let it. I LOVE TO TAKE THESE PIX. ok, so what if only those kids and ah lians take it!? they produce quality pix, produce flawless complexion, make smiles brilliant, leaves memories, and they FIT INTO WALLETS! hmph. i'm so taking more of it, when i the right person comes along! hahz!

Exams are over. At long last. After the 2nd one, it felt as tho it was all over. Now we'd just have to wait till 7th December, and keep our fingers Crossed.

Wow. i've got hell lot of activities lined up. i'm a busy busy girl. BBQ, KTV, Tanning, Shopping, Settlers Cafe, Wakeboarding, etc. Now all i lack is the $$

Time to post those Pictures i've been owing. Aint exactly lookin forward to reviewing those pix, editing, and hosting them. For the very fact that i know they look bad. Well, every girl LOVE her own pix to be fantabulous, who doesnt!? sigh. My pix are somewhat disgusting. I'd pick the Not so Disgusting ones. Wont want to tarnish my own, or betta still, Someone elses "reputation" :P

Sorta fixed the pix so i wont DRAIN all u peeps with my never ending pix.
PRESENTING, my STUDY KAKI. Priscilla! Its true that i cant study without her. its true that she's the reason i'm even got tis far for both my studies and "recovery". and it's ALSO true i made her fat by feeding and feeding and feeding her. ;) There u go. Priscy, Not looking her peak (or so she claims). but still lookin great!



L-R: Dozing off /// Enjoying her "percy pig" frm marks and Spencer /// Cheating on me by SMS-ing As usual /// getting herself upset thanks to some idiotic bastard whom i wish to murder /// acting teary /// being coy, since she got herself a date for the nite, while val has to head home!

Spent most of my time studyin at NP atrium, as well as west coast mac. Then again, WCP was used for more activities other than studies.. Check out the Bunch that's constantly there!



L-R: ooOpss. is that a bulge i see somewehre!? hahaha. /// David shoOting himself. imean. he should at times! *grinz* /// David and Greg, Greg has this weird theory on how ppl shld not reply too quickly on MSN or the opposite gender wld think he's got no one to talk to. Hmm. Cool. But. how true!? haha /// Al Fresco!! there use to be only 2 signs of NO SMOKING, after those guys invaded the place, there seem to be MORE printed signs of NO SMOKING. Does any one even bother these days? /// AIRCONDITIONED side of mac. Loved only by James and Myself. Its really condusive. Grinz.


Like i mentioned, we do have our share of FUN, at the "pao pao cha" in NP library, Watching movies just after our 2nd paper, being photo sluts... bitching, indulging in endless stories. etc. Pictures say a thousand words.. :)


Other Misc pix...




L-R: James n myself after Lunch, on the way to school.. sigh.. /// muggin hard b4 OE paper /// *MeoWmeoW* =) /// An evening view of NP /// WINDOW shopping at Toss, havent been shoppin there for the longest time. sorry francis /// vaL with the irritating Chicken Little /// James and Val on a date /// william and yang lunching and conning some girlie /// Francis + VaL /// Mr. Andy Oh + vaL. Man.. he looks run down. Bet those students are bullyin him! :(

Lastly, Here's Valerie.. the fattie. oh Damn it. i wana lose weight. i shall not just SAY (according 2 prisc). i shall DO IT!!! i'm so NOT having supper.... =(

Post exam, Pre-blog entry

I havent MIA-ed.

Attempted blogging and editing all the pix. it take DONKEY YEARS I SWEAR!!!
nevertheless. they'd be UP soon. yaWnz.

give up. val's off to bed. Tiring editing and cutting etc. yaWnz.

Dbl0 on wed and it's gona b MdmWong on Fri. Gosh..
But it was great on Wed.

Met up with Kenneth, James and Greg for dinner with prisc, and Priscy n i headed OFF. just the 2 of us. but i was good tt nite! i swear!!! rite prisc? hehehehe. Then we saw vanassa, kenn, leonard, meryl, mya, Damien, shiryn, simin. FwoaHh..

Feel like i've got so much to blogg. Not enough time. I need sleeeeeeepp..

In short, i'm really happy these days. Thanks to eric who closed the door shut. i felt free to go. I didnt shed another tear. and i reallly did move on. I'm happy with the life i've got now. Happy doin the things i do, Being with the people i'm with.

I've gotten to realize that there ARE better people, and people who dont make me worry so much. For that i am glad. In short. val's feelin content, and Happy!

Oh.. gotten a wedding invitation.. =) hehhee..

Weekends are HERE!!!! i'm so lookin 4ward to spending it the way i've planned... Rite Prisc, key, BM, James? hehe...


Nitez all, val's concussed.