Moving out on my own

Why I want to move out on my own:

1. i can get home anytime i want after supper or work
2. anyone can stay over anytime (great idea!)
3. i can wear anything at home. (i'd leave things up to your imagination) P/S: mum, can you stop commenting on what i SHOULD wear or MUst wear, i mean its my hse too! shallnt go into details.
4. i can mess up the room
5. buy more stuff without anyone saying i've got enough
6. sleep at 7am without bursting my bladder by stayin in my room and afraid tt they'd realize i havent slept
7. i'd get to revamp my own room the way i want it (KING SIZE BED)
8. i'd have the freedom to do "anything" i want at home
9. i can get a dog!!
10. NO MORE NAGGING!!! =)

Why i'm still staying with my parents and not moving out on my own:

1. I'm not financially independent. Expenses wise, yes, lodging? school fees? uH-uh
2. I refuse to wake up in the middle of the nite to bring in clothings if it rains
3. Mum cooks great food, n she's the best (and only) mummy!
4. Dad has a car, n i'm very fond of him.
5. My bro's becomin more mature, n i love seein him change from a little boy, to the great guy he is now
6. No one's gona bug me to keep my room Tidy
7. No one's gona joke n sincerely care for me
8. I'd wake up in the middle of a nite a lonely person
9. I spent the last 20 years with them, and im emotionally attached to them
10. They're my family and i love them!

Spent most of the day with prisc in the library. What a life. it's my OFF DAY!!!! argh. nevertheless, kinda satisfied with the outcome of it all. Dinner with my parents, Thai food, love it. (BANGKOK HERE I COME!) went shopping at cold storage, and i'm back HOME. Stuck with my unfinished DVD serial. ok... lets see. 4 more dvds to go. = bout.. 10-12 more episodes? gona have a weekly de-stress program man. or i'd crash n burn.

here r some thoughts for today after speakin to some ppl..

i've only got one life, and this time, it's prolly the last time i'm gona
study full time. The next time i'm studyin, it'll be when i'm having a full time
job. Situation presents a challenge, a chance for me to take charge of something
i'm interested in, and give it my best shot. WHY waste it!? At least. i know i
aint alone. Great thanks to those who helped out in bad times, giving me virtual
hugs n kisses, helping me get to bed, telling me things which aint good to
hear... etc. or simply, just by being there for me. you know u're deeply
appreciated in more ways than one.

I'm growing up... but Is it a way i want to?

How others view me, is simply a mirror, in which i see my own reflection. Thanks for showing it to me.. I'm not sure if i like what i'm seeing.

project

i'm feeling

SHIOKK!!!

What could be betta than having a gggrrreAT meal with great company at Crystal Jade after work, AND goin home only to shower, surf the net and head to bed, knowing i can wake up at 1pm. Heavenly. Sweet.

It was christina's last day of work yesterday. Wait. lemme rephrase. She's changing to the morning shift. so basically, we'd see zilch of her. No one's gona haf supper with me anymore. Maybe then i'd quit supper all together. =)



u know what, i dont wana be taken for granted. Getting kinda pissed with project and its mates and editing and substandard work and the RESPONSIBLITY LEVEL of theirs. If anyone of u r reading it, YES, i am gonna be pissed very soon. Not yet, but SOON.

Felt you've done your part well enough, n you've got a clear conscience. Then i aint speaking about you. Because if u think you've done your best. I'm fine with it. Is there a slight tinge of guilt? rephrase, An apparent sense of GUILT due to lack of responsibility? yes? Then its you i'm talkin about.

P/S: this applies to EVERY OTHER BLOODY IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

i hate doin editorial work. But i chose to do it. Why? i dont want others to screw my work. It's MY grades. Just FYI if you dont realize, its YOUR grades too. I dont expect it to be Perfectly done, or in super good english, or with 1000 words for each part. ALL i expect. i repeat, ALL I EXPECT is for it to be given to me ON time, n with a certain degree of content. I need RESPONSIBILITY from all you (presumably) adults! If u say u'd give me by today, make sure its done by TODAY. if u cant, u jolly well tell me the day before that it cant be done. You do what you say, because you are responsible for your choices, and LIABLE for your words.

I'm trying very hard this semester. For once, i want to do well in school. Its prolly the last time i'm gonna study. Im pouring my heart n soul into the things i do. I havent felt so strongly about "life" for a long time. I like my work, i like the things i'm studying and doing, i like the relationships i have. I LOVE LIFE NOW. I spent every waking hour of mine either doin school related things, working, (excluding blogging) even compromising the little time i have with eric. I aint a great person at projects. i aint a super duper good worker. not the perfect girlfriend either. What matters, is that i'm trying, n i've got a no doubt about that

to the fuckers (or fuckers to be) that take me for granted. Screw you. Wana continue leading a life of no responsibility, thinking your own world is "oh-so-hard" and you're so busy, getting no life this and that shit. Think AGAIN. If you do have time to watch TV progs at home in real time, SHuddit. You dont qualify to even breath a word of unhappiness. The TV junkie, channel 55 freak, is now reduced to a 1.5 hr show, EACH WEEK, on tape.

i apologize if i'm a lil vulgar or rude.. or concieted. But i made no mention of names. I aint implying. I mentioned, if u've got a clear conscience bout things, you know i aint speaking about you! I didnt mention names.. you placed yourself in there. Dont go round sayin what a bitch i am. Then again. Go ahead. Dont mind being one anyway. Percieve all you want, your life's a lie anyway.

btw in life,
some may hate me,
for starters,
i dont like you very much either.
I dont quite give a fart about you. =)

Somehow it makes me feel so much better knowing that the feeling is somewhat mutual.
Ever thought that the problem lies with yourself and not me?
If the problem lies with me, then its MY problem.
What if its yours?
go clear you fcuked up head.
Once again. no names mentioned.
If u're sensitive n oh so "emo-emo" now.
i cant help you.
God bless.

time to head meet prisc for the PROjECT! :(

The Curse

Quite often, good things simply just dont last.

I thought I had the last laugh.

Seems like the last has yet to come.

Since time and situation wiped away this scornful sneer of mine,

So I shall await that day,

since this sinister smile dont suffice.

Some deserve better, Some deserve worst.

If you think you've got the best,

think twice.

Cuz you've been cursed.

I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!... or am i?

Bet you must be thinking i'm evil.

-*i hear some one muttering, making mention of my evil intentions..*-

i wont tell the whole story.. as it's a real grandmotherly one.

in short.. maybe i'm not a nice person to trifle with after all...

Thought i was? Maybe i still am..

Try me. I dare you!!

sorry peeps. still feeling a little "attitud-ish" over some happenings. nevertheless... had a great time "playing" some stuff with eric today... hehehe.... uH-uh.. dont think dirty. i'd wait for him to sent me the pix before i upload them. tsk. brings me so much joy at the sight of it. such wonderous thrill i say. =)

good nite

un-feministic me

Done the nitty gritty "every-girl-must-do-before-bed" procedures n decided that i should turn on my bimbotic laptop for a session of blogging before bed. As to why why laptop's bimbotic, it isnt a reflection of its owner, but rather, a wrong choice made. It looks good, feels good, light weight, sleak, basic functions, and without the capability to play games. Aquired weird skill of typing while lying down in bed, it involves *let me count* 4 pillows of different sizes, a bolster, and and a particular protruding part of the body. If u were thinking boobs,**naH** i dont think its that protruding. But if u happen to think that way, thx for the un-common compliment.

Blog whats on my mind, and maybe i'd keep the sleepless nights away. No offence to anyone who inspired me to blog about this, and i'm not particularly offended, infact i'm grateful that its made known to me, so that i do have the opportunity to give it some thought. These are just my thoughts, scribbles, rants etc. anything you wish to call it. Basically something within my sphere of thought and BeYOND other people's realm of control

Someone told me that i look somewhat Feminine at first. Then, the impression of me changed to that of being tom-boyish. So am i feminine or am i tomboyish actually? Another school of thought would be the originally bimbotic me, followed by the intellectual me, with deep thoughts and never ending arguments. Whats with the disparity?

What am i to you? What's your impression of me? Not like I can do about it, but contrast to the usual statement of "i dont give a damn" (which usually IS a lie), i DO care. I cant do anything to change your opinion, but I care about what is being said and infact, i make it a point to change whatever i feel would make me a better person

Here's my humble piece:

Feminism is a perception by guys and girls alike. A form of genteel
submisiveness, emiting an aura of womanly characteristics, in which part
component includes speech, actions, and decisions.

So, what exactly is womanly? WHO defines feminism? Is someone feminine
when she wears a skirt, dress sexily, bring tissue paper, carries make up, speak
softly, walk properly, talks correctly? Who said so? So apparently i aint
feminine (enough). Or is it my character that isnt since i look like one and
dont behave like one. So the female population is not allowed to have a tough
independent side, and the male population shouldnt have a caring fatherly
facade. Only the male are allowed to use the"Book of Vulgarities" while
girls should study the "Book of Virtues". Am i right to say so?

Know that NOT everione thinks this way. Infact, those who think this way wont even
outlandishly say they do.

Loud, outspoken, frank, with lots of opinion
and being daring are the tom-boyish side of me. the "i am what i am, and u
cannot change me since i dont give a flying fuck" doesnt apply here. Because i
do want to appear as a girl, or rather a girlish girl. Better still. An
Intellectual girlish girl. How does that sound? A dream come true? I wish i were
that.

Like every other true blue non bisexual GIRLie-girl. I want to be percieved
as one, so i try behaving like one. Maybe at the end of the day, i can only look
like one, and not REALLY be one.
With regards to the WHO questions mentioned
earlier, its the Social-Norms that defines female. How female should be like,
how they should act, how they should be behaving, what they should do, what they
should say etc. (Note the SHOULD.) No thanks to the society, its believe that
all girls SHOULD follow a set of norms, I on the other hand, am going to do
something i've always wanted to...

I'm Challenging the Societal Norms

AND

Guy's perception of a "normal" female

I'm not going to be what people initially think i am, i REFUSE
to be classified in a manner way beneath my status as a perfectly normal female.
Screw the dumb who cant pronounce the official currency of Germany befor Euro $
was introduce (Deutsche Mark). Screw those who prefer Prada to Prata, To hell to
those who look good and dont do work. You girls spoil the market for for other
better female i say. Contaminate guy's impression, and Create lousy
expectations.

*no harm done since im attached* I'm NOT gonna pretend I'm a
blue-blooded FEMALE. Henceforth, val's just gonna be someone who
dresses depending on the ocassion, speak according to the situation, behave like
how she wants to and DO whatever she thinks it's right to. AND have every right
to curse in public, make a din, command, scold etc AS SHE DEEM FIT. Maybe its
the "new-age-girl" thing. No idea. I dont think that's new. Its only NEW to
me.. I know there are afew who behaves this way. So why exactly aren't
they considered tom-boyish and yet i am? Sad fact. so in conclusion:

Everything you see, is part of me.

No one can change it, because that's who i choose to be.

How you percieve, it still would exisit...

Because i choose, only to be truthful to ME

Love and Regards to all who survied reading till here,

THE vaL

i'm tired.. sorry if it aint coherent.. time for bed...tomorrow's another long day

be Right back

Gosh. my post is gone! DAMN!

I've got quite alot of stuff 2 settle for now... Soo.. more updates bout 1929 soon... for now.. id fix the pix.. n get it up!

thx for dropping by!!!

n do leave a tag! ;)

Heartless side of Singapore

Next, lemme rant about some HUMAN whom i really dispise. Was eating porridge at Outram, and as usual, there are always ppl selling tissue paper. I'd usually buy, since i'm the kind of girl who do not have tissue stashed in my bag.

So there was this person, he's "physically challenged" (a nicer way of sayin he's retarded). He's hunched, and has trouble walking, looks at ppl from under his arms since he's hunching so badly. Yet, he's walking around, selling tissue, trying to make ends meet. Before i even saw him, eric took out 2 bucks, and told me 2 get 2 packets. I couldnt help taking note of him.. and the tables he approached.......

WHAT THE HELL ARE U HEARTLESS PEOPLE THINKING!?

There we've got this pathetic looking guy, askin if u wanna buy tissue, and u IGNORE him. HELLO!? the least u could do was wave, and say that u dont one so he can get moving, instead of standing there, pondering, and wishing u bought a packet from him. Was it my over active imagination, or did i see a glint of tear in his eye?

I'm rather sensitive as most of u might already know.. At that point of time, i felt like trotting over, and giving them a piece of my mind. Even their 3 year old toddler had the decency to wave a "i dont want it" sign. It wasnt just 1 table. it was at least 3. Felt a heart wrenching sense of unhappiness. Would i be like them when i'm slightly richer?

Aunties, Uncles, u people watch those un-entertaining, fake, and predictable celebrities perform in the "god-knows-how-many-times-a-year"-charity show. Still, as if brainwashed by them, u people take up ur phone, dial the 1900-112-6868, or 6888, or 8888. Wishing u won a car or condo!? Cummon. keep wishing! Trying to buy a conscience? Save a lot in heaven? keep on dialing, u just might get a golden tap installed in ur home as part benefit of an honorary member. YET, just a dollar or 2 for a pack of tissue!? and u ignore the person. How nice, bet u'd get a landed property in Hades!

*** im stereo typing. so dont get offended by my entry***

Weirdly evil thoughts crept into my mind..

1. ONE DAY, when u're in need, NO ONE will give u $$$.. or TISSUE PAPER for that matter
2. Shit in a public toilet, Realize that there aint no toilet paper, n WISHED u bought a pack of TISSUE PAPER
3. Get those ugly food stains on ur face, and have no TISSUE PAPER to WIPE them
4. Suffer from the stench of bird shit on ur face and have NO TISSUE to wipe
5. DREAM of yourself as the person, scare the shits out of urself, and have NO TISSUE PAPER

wahaha!!!!

come on peeps.. do yourself a favor.. do society a favor.. Give to the needy.. It dont cost much to help within your means. When we're all healthy n wealthy, we take forgranted. We dont see the sad side of nature. Help when you still can... cuz u'd never know when u'd need help...

FISHTANK + BM ad

As promised, here's a pic of my WorkPlace!!!
Colleagues who r reading this, appreciate the nice art work that u never had the time to.



Cute fishes aye!? with those pouty lips. see the apple!? it's some sorta health campaign thing. OH SHIT!, i left it there again! forgot to eat it, forgot 2 bring it home. Sneak some lil snippets of pix out nxt time. :) sHhhhh... nothing confidential aniway! :)

oh, here's another ADVERTISEMENT on behalf of a nice guy. I've put it up willingly n not a Knife point. For one simple reason. Those who really wanted 2 watch Inital D, WOULD already have watched it. but he......... aparently hasnt got such opportunity. HENCE:

WANTED

someone to watch INITIAL D with!

Anyone will do

preferably female

Free at night

No strings attached

One-off date

Willing to pay for pop-corn, n drink.

Preferably in the west

Profile: Chinese, Male, Straight (i think), single (i suppose), rides a scooter, tall, MHR helmet, no specs, Good pay, Good prospects, Mr. Nice guy, heart of a 3yr old, behavior of a 21 yr old (no disclosure of age) EMAIL with the code: "BM"..(his initials, wish his vehicle had a W behind it) know i wont get much response unless i post a pic of him.. HmmmmMmmMm..... cant lay my hands on a good looking one.. *if u get wat i mean* aahahaa.. juz jesting!

Gonna start my dissapearing act. wld re-appear on SUN.. shHhh... dont go telling eric. More pix up when i'm back... as requested by some very visual ppl who aparently dont quite appreciate reading n prefer checking babes out.

Dear Prisc

PUBLIC WARNING

This is a public warning for Madame Khoo Yin Cheng.

Those who know who she is, good, cuz u'd understand my plight, sympathize with me, and scold her if u wish.

Those who dont know who she is... go investigate. i'm tarnishing her image here. Somewhat like a PUBLIC hate mail, or anonymous tag, this is a DISCRIMINATON BLOG!

WHERE ARE U!!!! YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!!! -*screams*

i'm all alone in school beside the koi pond.

haha.. just an announcement to prevent the guys frm going after her.. Since she's constantly late. :P

she's NOT available (yet)... Want a booking? go through her agent. **me** drop me a mail, a tag, anything. miss Khoo is up for grabs. gime a a sec.. get a pic of her.SHE"S HERE!!!! great.. dying to see this post. Neh-ni-NeH-ni-POOoo-PuuUu!!! :D

Ps: post is in pink cuz she requests it. :)

SpOoksville

its the MaMbo JumBo FestivaL!!

as declared by me.

the bug just bit, n now the music cant stop beats cant stop thumping. heh..

gotta admit that i'm quite a music junkie. frm retro, RnB, to punk, mandarin, even.. jazz. and infact, i'm lookin for Ono Lisa's compilations. Drop me a mail if any one has it. better still. do this poor soul here a favor, n get her an illegal copy. she cant pay the fine/bail, but she'd be eternally grateful!

i aint stinging on the ten over bucks, i just dont have the time to head over to HMV. Speaking of time, i do need more than 24 hrs a day. (like every other singaporean).... to make up for all the fun n entertainment, tis sat, i'm taking my day OFF. dont call me, dont msg me, dont even come looking for me. i've vanished into thin air..

Got a nice pic of my work place, to bad i went for supper n couldnt catch miss meryl online. shite. Get it up soon. Nice looking fishhhhhhesssss.. u'd understand when u see it.

Went for supper with my colleagues. Drove to upper bukit timah for sam's fave "yang zhou chao fan" and the classical ICE CREAM SODA. Anyone recall that drink?? What's your fave soft drink? Dont say u dont drink it or dont like it. Every one loves soft drinks.. cummon... Dont lie.. is it... Where's ur childhood man..

After supper, i missed the turning back to PIE tuas, hence went towards PIE changi. (dumb ass).. doesnt help when the "pregnant-but-not-invalid"(thats what she says) mumma feels sleepy in the car.. Exited towards eng neo... n it was one horrific experience..

The road was long n winding.. prior to that, we felt a little chilly, hence we switched off the aircon, but didnt wind dwn the windows.. Upon reaching that passage, there were no trafic. Not a single one i swear!! It felt exceptionally quiet.. the air felt still. The road felt just different. know its prolly the tar n gravel. but... i'm very very very sensitive to such "things". Blame it on my wild imagination/sensitivity. I sped through, without lookin at the mirrors, or turning to look at chris beside me. Chris suddenly commented something like "i ask u smth... dont be too sensitive ahhh.." i shut her up immediately by sayin "NO NO NO NO NO!!!! shuddup shudduP!!!" Yes. I admit. I am a scardey cat.

At tis juncture if u're askin what's the fuss about!? and what's the "THING" im refering to, u're either god damn brave, BlooDy F dumb, acting like u're the devil himself, not knowing me well enough, OR OR OR or trying real hard to be funny. For starters, it aint.

MIRRORS let u see things you SHOULDNT. As for WHY i didnt turn to look at her, (now tis sounds really dumb, comin frm someone who's last horror show was "The Ring")................................... i was afraid her face wld look different. Dont ask why or how. was just afraid it would.

To proove how timid a person i am... heres wat happened when i was on the phone some time back...
there was tis *tick tick.. tick tick* sound on the phone...... the other person just told me stuff, n implied that some things MIGHT be around my area... I wasted no time in popping myself on the bed, n enclosed myself in the warm safe comfort of my comforter...the "THINGS" dont lift the blankets of little girls to scare them do they!?.......... Rightt.... i'm no longer little. thx for reminding. *grinz*

Havent blogged bout tis.. but i did have some recent encounters. I was around the bukit batok area, and i swear it feels Dirty. (for the strong hearted who still still havent got a clue as to what "things" i'm refering to here's another clue). i dont meant dirty literally.

The whole area frm "xiao gui lin" to the exit towards PIE jurong. it creePs me out. If u're bad at roads around Jurong area. dont attempt to try bukit batok... I've heard frm friend's dad who's a taxi driver, that ppl get "lost" around there... u attempt turning n turning n turning n turning.. n u're SURE u saw this sign tt leads to this other area.. but yet, u still end up at square. Some ppl r plain bad at roads. But no harm avoiding that area at nite.. dont say i didnt warn u..

oHhhh what i saw while i was in bukit batok some time back!!! yes, was gonna enter a slip road some distance away, n i saw someone there. about to cross. The place's kinda deserted, cars n all yes, but no one(few) walkin around.. saw this person (or so i think) near the zebra crossing. Didnt occur to me as anything strange, so i juz kept quiet. She didnt slow down as we approached the crossing, neither did she stop. Befor i opened my mouth n ask, i turned. And i saw......................................................... Nothing. i wish i saw something.. correction. someONE i mean. i'm so sure i saw someone there.. REALLY!!!!!!!.. i kept my trap shut real tight, all the way clamped up till i reached home. n called her. Her dad's a taxi driver... tts y i know... :S

Did i mention that chris says "something" happened b4 around the eng neo area!?

i'm hopping into bed. NOW! dont anytttthhhhinggg dare follow me, tug my sheets, play peek-a-boo, or creep in n sleep by my side. I kick consciously. No questions asked.

Good morning to y'all... 1 more day to go.. :)

Threading

Attempted blogging last night. Unfortunately, i ended up chatting online, doin other stuff etc, and my entry turned out looking "junkified". Quite an eventful day i'd say. Weird exchange of feelings with some friends(right prisc?). Glad i'm back to normal. Glad i aint affected by anithing now. Got my brows done at LLLLOOONNNGGG last. Long wait for Nancy, but it was worth it.

Some ppl do ask, why do u pay $15 for threading, when u can get it done at $5 elsewhere!? I usually reply with a shrug, sayin i'd try the $5bucks threading next time. Apparently, next time never came. I'd rather pay $15bucks, for someone familiar, to do something she's good at. At least i know how the out come wld be like. At least i know she's meticulous. Service wise, She'd be positioned top box. Entering the parlour's just like entering some "FE-male" ground, where nails, face, beauty talk reigns.

For those who havent noticed, take a PeEk on the LEFT!
it's a WISH LIST!!!! yaYyY!! In contrary to how others feel that a wish list is a LIST where female splurGe all their $$, i feel that it's more of a saving mechanism for me. I list down what i want, whenever i do have the strong "urge" to buy something. After a day or 2, if i dont think the $$ to be spent is justifiable, i'd just strike it off!! Hence, saving on unwanted buys! greattt idea aint it?!? haha

Just got the GREEN bag i've bought online. ehh.. it looks the same. but it seems like its onli 60% of the size! Hahaha... I'd get used to it. it looks good nevertheless.

Laterz...

Just came back from supper with christina. More about her next time. In brief, she's a mum with 2 kids.. (4yrs and the other swiming in her tummy) and..... she's only 25? 26? gosh.. her appetite! she outeats guys. even ME!!! on a good day that is. My regular supper kaki. Loadsa similarities between us. Our sec skool, some common friends we know, etc.. get a pic of her. SOON. Really touched me with the ginseng tea she made. 2nd mum. wow. minus the nagging that is.

Dolin's bday, Dad's leaving for china, M1gathering, school, work, project. Overwhelming. getting the hang of it all.. but Yet to start the project propper. At least we've got all the dates up. Glad i've got familiar friends with me in school. or else it's gona b such a chore. With an endless amount of uncertainties. I guess still prefer things which are planned.

Sat's NLB day!!! havent been there since it's opened. Gona explore it with prisc. after tt. it's projs after projs after proJs. BoRrrrring.. cant wait for the 23rd. That's like the ONE n ONLY thing that i'm so lookin forward to now!

Warning... WARNING... system OVERLOAD

.. i repeat. SYSTEM OOOHHHver load

Well, that's pretty much how i'm feelin now. Just got back from movie n food. hell long since i've stepped into town n walk frm one end to the other. Just kinda sad that i didnt manage to get spoils frm the GSS. Mango was a total disaster. Nice pieces just didnt carry ani more sizes..

Signed up for this n that at SIM.. this SPSS shit, that "oh-so-impt" workshop, $5 each. not substantial.. but they sure do know how to make bucks huh.

Didnt attend the grad. No point. Aint as if i got some award. does Silver CCA award couNt!? Nevertheless.. i'd rather not stand in the queue.. n *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Goal for today:

1. WRAP THOSE BLOODY TEXT BOOKS!! before the doggie ears come out.
2. File the notes
3. Pack desk
4. Read text (if eyes permit) which i highly doubt.
5. SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!!!!!

morning classes tmr.. sigh.

happy-go-unLucky me.

with regards to fannie's question,

Where's the HAPPY-GO-LUCKY valerie!??

vaL's still happy. just not so lucky animore.

however, i've learnt that (1) every bad day has its end. (2)u never know when a bad streak's gonna strike.

Yesterday prooved to be good day. Good's an understatement infact. For one, i finally settled the group member issue. (i think). Had this guy join us for proj. Glad i actually asked him about it. god knows what wld happen if we end up with someone else(s)... Like what prisc said, she prefers the looks of him. Nevertheless, hope things work out for all projects.

Prisc told me that i can be kinda tense at times and i shld learn how to relax. Guess most of the time, u're unaware of how u're actually behaving until someone tells u how u're actually like. Thx babe. really appreciate it. She's prolly the one who'd b clear-est the tensed up perky me.. Now that i know where my short coming lies, i'd try retifying it... so.. SPA ANYONE!?!? MANICURE? PEDICURE!? haha.. kiddin.. that form of expensive relaxation obviously does NOT work for penniless ppl like me.

Oh.. nxt good thing about yesterday.... **drum rolls** CALLS WERE ALRIGHT!! finally gone out on my own. answered calls without anyone by my side listening to ever smoke bomb i throw, every fart i make. Few fatal errors, not informing certain stuff this and that. Overall, i'd give it 3.5/5 stars. Lotsa room for improvement. At least i know that things DOES get better. My confidence was at an all time low. glad it's on the rise now... Today will be a better day!

FANTASTIC 4! HERE I COME!!!
gona haf "xu liu shan" a delicious mango dessert, a dinner treat and a movie treat! yumyuM! that really is my ideal offday! yeaHhH!

Not everyday has a lousy tmr

the Groovy yellow chick would have to go for now. It seems too small all of a sudden.. dont seem to be able to read my own posts clearly. So, just a basic design for now.. until i find a new better one that is.

Your Ideal Hairstyle: All One Length, Side Part

What Hairstyle Is Right For You? Take This Quiz :-)

Doesn't it seem a little like my current hairstyle? no? nevermind. Speaking of hair, im tempted to snip it all off!!! Maybe long hair really aint my cup of tea.. It's getting all dry and damaged at the ends. Mum says to go for a treatment.. hmm.. i wanted to tell mum... "You paying for it!?!?!?!" hahaa.. she said she'd pay for school books. I havent seen any $$ as of yet. so.. i guess it'll be out of my own pocket.. baHhh.. wat a nuisance.

Everyday.. or Most days, i think persuade myself.. and try to do some DIY brainwashing..

NOT:
everyday's a bad day
everyday do i feel like quitting whatever i'm doing
everyday do i lose faith in my capabilities
everyday do i feel used n ditched aside
Everyday has a lousy Tomorrow..

Aparently i do feel like everyday's a bad day. Everything just doesnt turn out right. Some self inflicted, some caused by external reasons and human factor. Nevertheless, TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY! If im saying this to myself for afew consecutive nights, something's seriously wrong. However, i still am surviving, so it should be goin in the right direction.

I like my last sentense.. "not everyday has a lousy tomorrow".. SO! Gambatte vaL! [i even wrote it out n stuck it on my wall! so it seems that visual motivations dont work that well for me!]

Bought myself a bag online.. NICE!?!? kinda like it!


hmm last piece tho. hope i manage to get it. Or i'd b real sad... :(
i would never be able to afford retail therapy this month or in the months to come, but a little splurge at time's gonna make me MUCH happier. so it's Definately worth it. dont ya think so!?

Buying stuff online deem to be kinda risky. dont even know if it'll turn out nice or what's the exact sizing, or how it'll go with clothes..
Or shld i get it in black col?? nevermind.. I think lime green's nice!

How bout this!? a vintage envelope clutch! CooL huh!!! aint my style tho.. not practical. hahaa.. hmm doubt i'd get to use it aniway...
hence... i aint getting it...
not unless someone sponsors me! heh.. nope. aint hinting. i WONT be getting it. ;)


oK, wld post more "findings" if i've got any... bedtime. gotta crawl out of bed looking like a panda tmr..

dog shit day.

So apparently, all 4 of them has already watched fantastic 4. 6 of us were supposed 2 catch it 2gether. due to this this this.. n that that that. yeah.. they've watched it. asfor the both of us, it was supposed to be tomorrow. something cropped up. sigh. double sigh. triple sigh. sighs wont change anything, but it does make me feel betta!

Work was a bitch 2day. and i seriously think ive stepped on dog shit or something of the sort! hahaa.. Infact, i've juz decided that i'm too pissed off with 2 of my pals. For some reason which i decline to mention, i think i cant take their joke, or their way of handling things etc. Thx, but no thx. I'm gonna be "xiao qi" this time. I'm not there to take your attitude or anything of the sort. If something that has been said to me didnt get through to me, it might be my fault that the communication didnt come through. but it's also YOUR fault that u didnt ensure communication was clear enough. Fine. I'd leave it as such. I dont wish to be asked out. I'm NOT free. i'm BUSY. and even if i aint...... just let me chill or something of the sort. both of u, enjoy.

Went to hv with my colleagues. Hell lot of fun crap shit suanning.. :S scandal, jokes, chit chat etc. more to come. that's for sure!

Tmr would be my stay home day!!! gona get "some" work done. and accompany mum! miss her.. bet she misses me too! hehe...

well, Fantastic 4 can definately come nxt day.. say... wed!? it's a deal!! u're treating me to movies and dinner/lunch. i insist! hehe... it isnt an option now.. too bad for u! hahahaha... :)

Enjoying the Projs

Life's kinda in a mad mess now. But i'm enjoying it. I enjoy the satisfaction in being able to generate my own ideas and making sure it materializes into a solid project. I like knowing i'm in the right direction (or so i think). I think i am enjoying the research/reading/analyzing of the project that i'm about to embark on. In fact. i think it's kinda minor as compared to the group projs. However. i'm feeling the burning passion to do it WELL

My colleague said "when you think u might do well in something, u'd try harder when doing it. When you see the results after you put in effort, the next one would have double the effort!"
i'm in phase 1 now. I'm trying hard, because i think i JUST MIGHT do well if i try hard enough. so... enought of blogging for now. dead beat after work, but still... Life goes on, and so does work.

wana take a look at the books?? head to Priscy's blog .. gosh. i sure am 1 hardworking girl for now!.. not to mention one TIRED one too! hah..

Fuckin Dulan

if i were to use 2 words to describe my current feelings. it would be DaMn BLooDy FucKin DuLAN!. right. maybe 4 words. You can be pissed at the whole world, and get over it, cuz u can scream n sout at the person. maybe stab the person, burn an estate, or destroy the world.

i'm pissed off with

MYSELF

right. Lets see. so it's a $30 summon last week, $30 summon the day before, and.. $20 summon 2day. What a way to start the day. Ggggreeeattt.. well, to apease myself, i came to the justification that it's just $50 note, and "keep the change auntie Fatimah"

Next up. NO handouts at lectures. Better still. wanna stimulate creative thinking? I'm perfectly fine with it. and there he goes, Mr. Peter Burrows, rattling on and on about certain paradigms, and i swear the only paradigm i know is "Planet Paradigm".. the NTUC club!. (Para-dim, Para-dime).. any way u wanna pronounce it. Not many understood, not many catched wat he was saying, and it really came as a shock. And so, about 150 people minus the 20 odd who decided not to turn up for lessons broke up into groups of 5-6.

Discussions. Honestly, i do NOT like it when people dont contribute. Better still, in addition to not contributing much, they chat. About something that isnt pertaining to the discussion, OR the lecture. No offence to anyone. I know everyone talks bout their own little little stuff during lectures. some people even talk the whole way. I'm too am guilty of it at times. But i still strongly believe that there's a time and place for everything. Talking, fine. During Discussions however, if not much contributions given, and everyone else is thinking, speak less about personal stuff, think more, and u benefit only yourselve. Sigh. i'm blogging this not because i'm against anyone in particular. It also partially serves as a gentle reminder to everyone reading this, and myself so to speak. Towards the last discussion. Everyone was drained, n only in the mood of gettin out of there (that includes myself)

4 hours of listening 2 calls, straight. Its against any logic, but listening to others answering calls, is even more tiring that answering calls on my own. Killer. Clever me, skipped dinner, cuz i wasnt hungry. by 9, i was ready to kill a cow, and gobble it down. Bones and all.

Went for supper, filled my stomach, headed over to ziyu's place to get the pants that eric bought for me :)... on my way home, i got to know that he's losing badly.. kinda badly, and obviously wasnt in the best of moods. Similarly, i started to slowly slowy slowwwly creep into my own world of depressing darkness w/o any light at the end of the tunnel. (was the exit sealed or what!?!!!) Great... Bad self response to a bad metaphor. Kinda lost my way on my way back. Ziyu said turn right. BUT IT'S TURN LEFT!!!. so went frm bukit batok, 2 hill view, and finally back home. sigh

Bought parking coupons which i've ran out of, 1 booklet of overnight, 1 booklet of $1. Parked, tore the coupon. and FUCK! tore JUNE instead of JULY. mistook it for the DAY instead of MONTH. its ok. curse n swear. calmed myself, and started tearing the remaining 5. and DOUBLE FUCK, tore every 1/2 hour! its supposed to last an hour damn it! Stupidity. tiredness. carelessness. suehness. i know.

When i got home. Mum got up, asked why i got back so late. Well, told the truth!! Supper, got stuff from my friend. She went on... and i said i Lost my Way home at bukit batok. sigh... she said "POOR THING..." yea.. poor thing indeed. Thankfully, i went into the showers in time, w/o her continuing her scrutiny, and incessant ranting about why i shouldnt reach home that late. THANKFULLY she didnt see the tears that were so close to falling.

Now u see, the worst person to be mad at is yourself. Cuz u wont stop blaming yourself for whatever that's happened, you cant scold anyone when u're angry, u cant complain to anyone since it's YOURSELF u're pissed at, and worst of all. You only fear that tmr wld be just the same as today........

Dumb ass me. Excuse me. while i go wallow in self pity, wait for eric's msg that doesnt seem to come, and type those messy notes copied to day, which i myself cant comprehend.

"Fuck off vaL. u loser!"

4th july. Stressipendent day

while i'm waiting for my hair to dry i'd juz blog. since there's no one online at tis un-earthly hour. P/S: i'm god damn tired. and i do mean the tears oozing, body aching, pimple popping, body heat rising, ulcer swelling tired. (get the drift?)

Lets just say tt i fell asleep at bout 5am, got up at 830am. And my day started as early as such. 4th july. independence day. great. the day where i feel most vulnerable. and ever weary. 1. School 2. Work. Why must both coincide so precisely!? to the point where i've got no breathing space/sms time!!! and im literally brain dead. Alright. i AM exaggarating a little. But do hear me out. or rather, lemme rant it all, cuz its not every 4th of July that i feel so constricted. Independence day!? my pretty ass! To me, its the start of hectic/frantic mind boggling work/study lifestyle. Aint sayin tt i cant take it. Just say tt it's gona b tough. euGh.

School
met up with ivan for lunch, and time passed damn slowly at al ameen.. got a $30 summon! sigh. havent got the strength 2 curse n swear anymore. Its due to my carelessness anyway. Lesson learnt, point noted. After the bad stuff, here comes the stress...

Out of 4 mandatory texts, 2 are sold out! like WTH!? Isnt it the 1st day of school!?!?!Nevertheless, Next up was a lecture full of girls, weird looking guys, and stress. Projs are REALLY gonna b due in 5 weeks. Lots of books and references needed, not enough books in the lib 2 go around, aint got enough proJ members for 1 subject. Not like there's much to worry about, but there's no room for slacking, since handouts are basically gonna b quite blank, and i've got the gr8 big task of figuring out what's goin on, n what's important. sigh. Guess i've been out of touch for too long a period of time. Time 2 start the engine!!!

Work
First day of live calls, scared the shits out of me! If u didnt see any butterflies around these days, they're prolly all in my stomache! scaared the shits out of myself. But it went fine nevertheless. Thanx to the patient senior that was helping out at the side. Some ppl aint that lucky to get a patient one.. pheW... Wonder how i did. Not up 2 expectation definately. but at least there's someone by my side. so it isnt that bad... on thursday, i'd b ON MY OWN. *panic*

k, i obviously am NOT in the mood 2 spruce things up and make things seem as tiring and stressful as it really is. feel dead.

It's just the first day, and it's because i aint used to it!!!! its always the begining that's tough, and it'll only get better! i Know it will. Be it school or work. It definately wiLL work out. and i'd do just fine. if i aint got Faith in myself, who wld!? GAMBATTE VAL! right... seems like i'm forcing the inner ME to agree tt it'll work out... but who cares! as long as it really does get better. hah..

im off to bed!

Lyd left..

Home at long last. Celebrated eric's mom n bro's bdae last night, with me hlping out in the creation of some dishes. My "Major" contribution, goes to scrubbing the dirty mud crabs, putting eggs on the noodles, cutting fruits, wiping table, basically being the extra "leg" in the kitchen. ahem. its a great improvement!!!!!!! glad to know i'm getting along fine with all of them even w/o eric in the hse.

Juz got back frm changi airport.. Poor eric had to ride frm the EAST of sg to the WEST of sg back to town.. pheW.. really appreciate it tho.. lydia left for melb.. for good?? i guess for now.. Kinda happy that she's there at last. At least i know she'd be happier with her bf by her side. There'd b someone intimate enough to share the joy laughter pain and all else that goes along in the relationship.

Today's officially my last day of freedom. Tmr's independence day.. the irony of it all would be ME losing all of it on 4th JULY! There'd b lessons 4days a week, and tmr's the 1st day of another phase of training. LIVE CALLS. its really freaking me out.

To top things up, my eyes are heavy, i'm sleepy, my shoulders are aching, i've got the toughest of all tests which ive GOT TO do well tonight, i havent start studying, and i've lost the will power to stay awake. someone.. HELP!?

boring post. i know. I'd post a better, neater, nicer, more interesting one tonight. That's if i've got that extra ounce of energy. till then!

SIM Group proj

Poly taught the importance of good group members. With good group members (just afew of them) projs would be a breeze. Doing work would be FUN and Scoring good proj grades would be secondary. As proven in 3rd yr of poly...

Cant belive i'm actually gathering group members BEFORE school starts. It was initially just myself prisc n lyly.. Upon knowing tt lyly has already FORMED her own group, prisc n i panicked... no way i'd wanna end up with 3 or 4 slackers who give shit work and believe in working individually for a group proj.

Kiasu side of me's forming.. i desperately need to form a group ASAP! esp when projs are due just 5 weeks after skool starts. That spells bad news doesnt it. if i'm gonna have an easy time in SIM, i've gotta cut down on the amt of work i do on behalf of others. Loss time, opportunity cost. call it anything. No free-riders tis time. I insist. Because i aint got spare time to donate.. sigh..

hope all works well.