so what am i doin here at 4am on a thurs morning when i'm supposed to be at NLB in the morning!?!?!?! arghh..

ok, this aint exactly a 100% sober post. for one, my tooth's hurting like mad.. i drank.. despite my "goal" of not drinking at all!!!... morover, i'm typing without my specs, a bad headache, and some alcohol in my blood..

Messy messy post. raHh..

So many things on my mind. so many things that i cant say! its still the same trust issue. There are so many people around you in life sometimes. who are the trustworthy ones and who arent!? i thought i've learnt this lesson a lonnnnnggggg looonnnngggg time back.. when unpleasent stuff happened to me back then. I thought i've learnt my lesson. unfortunately it only happened to me time and again time and again time and again. So why in the world do i still continue trusting people!?

the only person i can trust in this whole fuckin world is myself. and nw im having doubts in the judgement i make and the path i take. Fugg it... i so freggin wish that life wld simpler, easier, etc. UNFORTUNATELY, its impossible. Someone once said. we're social beings. we co-exist. Why the hell do i care!? self defence mechanism perhaps... but it's in my personality and blood, where i want to truly believe that every single person in this world is good by nature... i'm a theory X person. not a theory Y. those who study biz, mc gregor's theory x and y!?!? geddit? ok.. but have i gotten it wrong!? duHh

ANY O How!!! i feel seriously fugged up. i feel like speaking to someone. but there's no one. dont bloody say you'd be there for me. sorry, i dont feel comfortable telling u those stuff. dont say u feel for me, u arent me, u dont know what i'm goin through. dont say you're willng to understand or things like tha. i dont trust u. i dont need your listening ear if that's what u want to "provide" ... those words u hear will only lead to malicious lies, tall tales, etc.. anything that is used against me! thank you, but no thank you. U bloody mutha fuckas!!! take your lie and deciet and juz go deep down under...

I dont do such things to you. why must u do this to me!? is it my flawed personality. is it the way i portray myself!? my out look? dressing!? figure of speech!? then what!? what's ur problem u hypocritical son of a bitch(s)... be it intentional or UN-intentional. i so freggin swear.. you'd regret it. i've long given up the idea of me exerting revenge or something of the sort.. i'm unable to exact revenge on all you ass holes. but u noe wat.. ONE DAY.... revenge will be exerted not by me.. but by everyone else around you.

i truly cared.... i just wanted to be..... to be there!!..
i wanted to be a friend.... i reali want to change and be a good friend for once. like truly care for people genuinely and is this what i get?! juz fug off.. frm now on, i'd juz care bout me and myself... i use tO be able to care for someone else... but now.. i'm sorry. Its juz gona be me...

and the sad fact!? no one cares for me either.... the same ol thing... feel alone again. this time.... maybe it's BY CHOICE! dont think i'd want all the fake concerns. the stupid remarks made infront of me/behind me. attitude given by fucked up people. seriously. just take a mirror sometimes. before you comment, just LOOK in the mirror. Do you have what it takes to comment on ME!? who the FUCK are u!!!! are u even comparable to me!? if u think u're so damn fuckin good. then challenge me. OPENLY. anytime. i'm really game for it.

Vengence. Sweet. Too bad it aint gona be mine.... Retribution on the other hand.. would be YOURS... every single one of u.... shitheads..

maybe im paying fo my Mis deeds!? uh-uh.. dont think so... god's fair.. really fair... This trauma you've caused.... people a Looonnnggg time back, people in the past, people in the present people in the future. I hate you for causeing it.... Always i'd say i'd learn my lesson. tiem again.. i havent. I cant.... i still believe that there's some good... good in this world.. where people are philantrophic. and do not want any gain frm others. while i'm trying my best to be THAT sort of ppl.. i feel sucked dry... argh. fuG it.

Like i mentioned earlier, this is a non-sober post. and i'm juz blogging and blogging n typing whatever shit comes into my head. havent even read what ever i've typed. dont intend to do so. maybe i'd delete the post tmr!? maybe maybe.. :S:S

good nite son of a bitches!!!! may the bed bugs crawl into your asses n chew up urbrains. after that, crawl through your eyes and make sure ur blood comes gushing out! argh!! fug.... nvm.. i'd juz wish that all of u wld get tons of wisdom tooth!
everysingle one!!! 1 extraction a week! that'd b good!

damn it..... i'm high on scolding. one last thing..

when life's out of ctrl... Fug it..