1month aniversary..

Always said that i'd never change for others, i'd only change for myself. How true indeed. I wont change unless i really do see the need to. Today however, i woke up with other revelations. Never once have i slept in tears, wake up in tears, felt teary in the day and would be going back to sleep in tears. That sounds pathetic doesnt it?

Someone had to say some words before i went to bed, making mention of some personality of mine.. To be precise, its pertaining to me being a girl, and not behaving like one. No offence taken from the person, but it got me thinking quite abit. Felt a lil hurt, bout the comments, and felt worst... when i realized that no one would accept me like how "HE" did. The tap in my eye ducts came on once more, and just had to type a msg. SMSs for him are always typed, just not sent. this time.. i sent it.. but to someone else.. i had to sent it.. the recepient empathized.. Constantly askin me WHY do we not want to get back together... Here's why...

"RESPECT". It was a break up that i never wanted. I begged him not to leave me. Something i wont ever do.. Yet. we still did. I respect his decision, i respect his choice. I wont bug him, or msg him or ask that that we get back together. He knows how i feel for him, i know how i feel for him now. Still, i wont do anything to initiate that we get back together. know he doesnt want to anyway.. For the fact that.. i respect his choice. Maybe... in the far future... just maybe.. who knows what may happen. No one's like him. That i can say for sure. for now. dont even persuade me, or say things on my behalf. I'm blogging this, as i dont want half truth to be said to my "him"..

Whilst at work.. i got a lil hurt again after receiving some "news".. For a fleeting moment, i felt a self-less. A feeling of unconditional sacrifice. I just wanted the other person to feel happy. What i feel, doesnt matter no more. What im currently doing aint right, what i'm feeling aint right either. What matter's that other party feels good. WHY SEH!!!! thats so unlike me. Seldom the type that spare much thought for others. This time... i juz wish that others are doin better than me..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dont remind me how lonely i am.. William's right. "Everyone's a call away, no one's a kilometer away.." to make things worst, while i'm feeling like SHIT.. I've got to let go of this person whom i've always shared my sadness with these days. Doesnt matter that our views arent always the same on matters. You've been there for me. By letting u go.. i'm slowly closing up an opening to my wound... with a scapel in there!

Feels so hard to lose someone unwillingly, yet at the same time paying for your "mistakes'.. i remember the days where he'd pop by my place, buy me breakfast.. or juz sent me home despite being so tired! even renting DVDs and watching it over at his place.. goin 4 a movie, having fun! our arguments etc.. Man.. having flashbacks now..

Now that it's got me thinking, i dont recall a period of time where i cried so often. when we were together.. Our arguments were always for the better of our R/S.. and we never make the same mistake twice.. for that i'm proud! its been a month and a day.. HOLY SHIT!!! NOW I KNOW WHY!! WE BROKE UP ON THE 20TH AND TODAY'S THE 20TH again!!! GosHhh.. what side effects... Unknowing too.. i swear i didnt realize till now..

i've reached my treshhold. wonder when i'd just breakdown.. It takes so much control not to show.. since i cant speak to anyone or someone.. (p/s: i know there're ppl there.. i juz dont feel like telling my sob story!! who'd b interested in MY sobstory!! :S).. hence.. i'd juz blog.. maybe.. one day.. when i look back... i'd realize that.. life wasnt that bad at all..

Un-happy 1 month aniversary to us darling..
freGgg stoP crying val!!!! NOW!!!!!
i know... i've reached my saturation...

I've got the car on sat!! he's bookin out on sat.. always said that if i've got my driving license, i'd be able to get the car, and Fetch him frm camp!! then ppl wld b envious that his GF's fetching him back while the rest only have cabs or worst still.. BUS! Now...i'm free on that day... i've got the car that day.... all i'm lacking.. is Him....

Do u feel how i feel? we always had this thing of feeling how each other felt... now take a deep breath, close ur eyes.... try feeling how i'm feeling.... i'm in pain now...... because i feel ur pain..