the very last "happy 1 mth" of mine..

The very last "HAPPY 1 MONTH"

Now this is gona b a post of fury...

Once again i've been labled as a "little girl". FINE. I never thought i was "little" and i never once doubted my level of maturity. Today however. i realized, that. somethings that matter to me, need not matter to others.

Told greg that it was 1 mth since james n i are together. and he said "haiz.. little girl.". Nope. a comment from him wont do much harm. Its juz that James thinks this way too! It seems that this 1 month mean nothing 2 them at all!!! so what's their perception of "WHAT VAL EXPECTS?" they think val wants gifts/presents and everything nice??

**TEeeeHHhhH***
So wrong. All i wanted was the "thought".. i just wanted you to say "happy 1 month dear". Just that!!! or perhaps just say, lets go out 4 a nice meal, just you and me on sat. It need not even be lavish food. It just has to be Me and You! to put it simply. i just want you to remember. If you do remember, why not just SAY it out. SAY that you do remember. I reminded you.. i told you. i sorta made a hoo ha.

Yanglun, William, Nai, *any other guys* correct me if i'm wrong.. But.. these things dont matter to guys anymore does it.??? With the proclamation that TIME does not matter, and that im special everyday.. does it mean we will not celebrate the 1 year aniversary (if there even is one). So guys say that "every day's valentines day" So would you buy me flowers everyday? No. Then to hell with the saying that "everyday's valentines day".

To sum it all. Guys expectations (or so they say) and GIRL's perception of things are different. *fair enough*... I cant change the way god made those egogistic male and how they think. And i cant help but fall in love and feel attracted to those hot blooded creatures because i'm Hetrosexual. Guess i'd just have to LIVE with it.

I am NOT going to whine on the 9th of every month, saying that he did nt remember, and i feel like shit, and that i am deprived of feeling special just once a month. *even period come once a month and last bout 5 days!!!* so what's one day of the month!!!?!?!?!?!!??!! I am so not gona put myself down.Since im the "up and about" kind of person. AND Since i am in no position to control others or change how other's feel, i shall just jolly well NOT bother about them, and not change them... who am i to change the guy species anyway.

I shall change myself. The only person you have full control of is urself. From today onwards. the 9th of every month shall not mean anything. There will not be any "happy 2nd mth darling" or "happy X mth darling". NO MORE. I'm kidding myself if i say that i can forget it in a FLASH. But i shall try and by sheer will power, just heck everithin. On the 9th of every month. i'm sure priscy, key and many others wld remember. I'm sure james would too!! =) so would i. but it would just be another ordinary day.

I'm just saying that. it does not matter if he doesnt wish me or doesnt make me feel A little more special on that day. james is right. I mean something to him everyday. I respect your decision, and i see sense in ur words. Hence... No MORE month shit. oh.. does 1 year/2years count? does it?? tell me.. DOES IT!?!?! it does yeah... it prolly does. tts y ppl celebrate their birthday once a year and not once a month.. ok, i think i'm really silly. k lar k lar... i'm a little girl can? fine? a bloody kid!! FUck i'm 20, not 2000!!!

Forget it. I was so upset i cried after greg comments and after putting down the phone with james. I freggin cried till my water proof mascara came off! (time for a new one! *points at wish list)... The tears was becuz i felt hurt. that im considered "immature in my thinking" and that james doesnt bother about this DAY that matters to me (or so i think). After tears and feeling hurt. i Felt Pissed. told priscy bout it while hearing her speak of some BASTARD, after that i felt it was relatively comical. Just that we dont see eye to eye. that's all. Something small.. became something big.... because it meant SOMETHING to me!!!!!!!!!

the "SOMETHING big" now means nothing to me. Since i cant control u, i shall control myself. U always said to Tell u if there's anything on my mind. I did. afew days back. on the day itself, i did again. What's the point of telling anyway. hmph. Forget it. it's over. Dont mean anything 2 me now (or for the time being at least.. until something changes my mind..)

If i can keep that person i use to love so much OUT of my heart and NOT shed a tear for him ever since that fateful sunday.... Its definately due to sheer will power and nothing else. AND. i can do anything i set my mind to. If i say it's out.. it's out. Dont try me, dont test me. Call me childish, "little girl", irational or anything you want. From today onwards. the 9th will not mean a thing.

You're right. Everyday's a special day. in that case.. i'm just gona deprive myself of 12 "super special" days a year. and settle for 365 special days. Good bargain rite!?!?! heh.. that's provided you keep up with the pace and standare you set for yourself. Prisc told me never to expect. Look wat happens when i expect that being 2gether 4 1 mth DOES mean something 2 you?? look... it only landed me in tears. No val. dont expect.

OT at 8am. tmd... why the FCUK did my itchy fingers apply OT.. do i really need the $$$ damn it.