Study Blues..

Just here for a very quick post.
Doubt im gona have the time or energy in the nxt few days to come.. ugh.. working from sunday alll the way straight till FRI and it's only TUES now! wait. its wed already

Working 9-6 frm Tues to Thurs.. Aint exactly work.. M Card training.. gota get up HELL early, and after which, ive gota drag myself to STUDY.

Everyone's so into studying now.. even william (glad he is)..
and James.. he's.... very much a perfectionist.. hence the endless need to study more, cover more, spent more time. =) which is good. cuz its a BIG source of motivation for me.

However, i must say that his mood/temprement's too difficult for me to handle..
He use to be the type of guy tt would put himself in other ppl's shoes.
Wonder where THAT guy's gone to. I dont wana compromise myself. neither do i wana keep myself constipated. Usually, if any one pisses me off, id just flare up, or at least let them noe y im unhappy. These days. Even if i do get a lil pissed with him, after awhile, id just let it ease off. Why? Cuz if he's pissed, i'd feel worst. Congrats. That's one deadly weakness of mine n now the whole world knows.

Wait.. see, im compromising myself again.
I just hope things would be back like before...
Back to the time where the spark was there. Where i didnt hear things like " I'm Tired or Busy vthat's why i..."

Everyone's tired and busy. its just how u manage time and handle "life". I want him to hear me speak, and not me hearing him speak all the time.. I want a boyfriend that can be a "listener" who's genuinely concerned bout my life and my work too!. Hais... if i speak i know he will listen... but he always gives me the feeling that he's pre occupied. with something in his mind, or his eyes wld dart arnd, or he wld just seem uninterested!!! =(

I remember the spark. I just dont see it now. I want it back... I want it to come back. I know it would.... i hope it would.... the thing is.. i dont know what i can do about it! i feel so helpless.. i dont wana sob to myself thinking why he doesnt reply my msgs or ignores me at times... ugh.. there are 101 IF ONLYS..... What's your biggest IF ONLY!?

I just dont feel as assured about this relationship as before. When James askes me not to read too deep into his meaning/words.... i reali wish that he does the reverse. READ INTO MY ACTIONS AND WORDS AND MEANING!...

Is this the End of a Start... or the Start of the End?


RIGHT.. so the post ended up relatively long too!! whiny huh!!! u guys aint gona hear me whine for anothe... **count fingers* 4 days??

As much as james is tired and busy. i wish he'd someday somehow see this.. and Remember the good times we had. and perhaps we'd be able 2 find out what went wrong.. and maybe renew whatever spark that has died down...

I wish its just the End of a start.... so this relationship can move on... and not get stagnant..... cuz stagnant water gets stale...

For now.... Just want him, us... or rather ALL of us... to get pass our exams first. everything else can be settled LATER on. i hope.