Psychological VS Physical

Im like terribly horribly upset.
Why? Cuz i made James upset too.
The worst argument yet. And already im feeling like shit.
Sorry, no background info. heh.

In short. Its a psychological vs physical warfare between MYSELF and MYSELF.
i couldnt sleep that nite,
i started getting bad tempered
i have BAD dreams
i start to scratch my head (i do that when im stressed)
i bite my fingernails (a bad habit frm young WHICH happens when im tensed)
i feel itchy all over (yes, a very scratcy person indeed)
i cry (which all other girls do)

In addition, other symptoms include:
Feeling nauseous when im in lift bus mrt.
Having a bad stomach when there's no shit ANYWHERE near the rectum
Brain NOT functioning when it should
Lack of active concentration
Took close to 30mins worth of Unscheduled break, which wld Buang my adherence
Feel really upset during wrk and almost tear everytime i end a call
Not bothering 2 smile or put up a strong front.
A big hole Ulcer on my upper lip right smack infront of my vamp tooth
Having a NEW toothbrush with toothpick for bristles, makin my mouth bleed like i have my period frm more hole than one! damn it!

So.. what can i say. i totally fugged myself up. AND its all purely IN THE HEAD!
Im in one shithole now and i wana get out.

Hate it when i lose control of myself.
Back then it was worst. i had this weird spasms of asmathic breathing when i get realli agitated. Damn it... when can i ever get FULL control of myself!??! guess that's just "GIRLS". we never really DO get full ctrl.

Irregardless of it all.. Im really sorry for what happened. I really was too harsh. Sorry.. Ive prolly said it a million n one times. and i STILL AM sorry. really wonder why ppl say sorry so mani times when it doesnt reali make a difference. heh.. but i still am sayin it.. Does not imply i dont mean it yea!

It made me "scared".. Now... i really am afraid of things i say things i do...
Never thought i had the upper hand
Then i felt perhaps we were level
U said were were at different stages of life...
Now i know u have the upper hand.
Im the one... "down" there.

I want wat i ought to get.

God, (priscy reminded me that there's always someone else out there) give me the courage to stand on my feet. for myself. on my own. for no one. with no one. keep my tears only for happy moments. Watch my tongue as it stabbed the hearts of many. thank you for making life bearable. and for things which i tend to take forgranted. May you keep those i love and those who love me safe and sound. May tomorrow be a better day for us all.

I havent prayed in god knows how long... but ive been in the prayers of many.. The hearts of those who care. To those special ONES who've been there 4 me. u noe who u are. many thanks..

and Barry if you're seein this,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!