Dont let go...

I dont fear being touched..
{Hug me}
I fear being let go..

Seems like the hits on my blog has reached an all time high. Guess.. Dont usually write toO personal stuff on my blog. Now, perhaps it has opened up a lil.. a lil more into the personal realm.

Feel as if im now living in the "lala"-world of my own. Where sitting down and staring into space is a bliss. Time passes in a twinkling of an eye. Sleeping is scary, because i never know what i'd dream of.

Its pointless to get started with projects, i've got no "inspiration" of any form. Somehow... i doubt i'd pull through. Telling ppl i'd be fine, i'm fine, i'm ok, it's alright.... i Do have certain reservations, as to how FINE i'd really be.

Bed time... Gonna snuggle in bed.. wishing everything's fine... Wishing.. and wishing...

Post bkk

One last kiss

One last touch

One last tender moment between us

One last dance

To our first song

While pretending there's nothing wrong

Let's stay here for a while and

Cherish every moment we're in denial

We both knowIt's better if we just let it go

-- One Last (taufik Batisah)

Not as if i'm a great fan of his, but this song's apt. It's been playing in my head for the longest of time. So if anyone has the mp3, please sent it 2 me.

I'm back frm Bangkok, and by now, it's quite evident that i aint in the best of moods. To cut things short, Eric's my ex-boyfriend. Breaking up's never easy. It wasnt last time, neither is it now. No doubt he brought it up, i was the cause of it. If i'm hurting, it hurts him much worst. I asked if we might be together in future, he answered "the future's dark, thats why we've gotta find out.." Knowing US however, i doubt we'd get back together.

There's this pain in knowing that someone who's been there for you is gone. Its an undescribable feeling of anguish, where life seems bleak, and everything else reminds me of him. no, Us. The tiniest of things.. everyday life. When he was around, i failed to cherish him. Now that he's gone, i'd always miss him. "Love Conqures all". Some believe in that... I'm a living evidence, showing that two party may love each other, and yet not stay together.

I asked for one last hug, as an ex girlfriend. At that moment. I knew it truly is over.

When we touched down in the evening, Eric switched on his hp, and found out his dad passed away in the afternoon. He was devastated. =period=. i need not mention more. i wish i could be by his side. Guess its better that i do not. i want to.. But he doesnt want me to. For now, he'd be in the hands of some other friend. I'd just sit here, wishing for the best, worrying about everything. I've always thought that when u're down, you'd want the person closest to your heart to be with you. I've forgotten the fact that i'm now the ex-girlfriend. Rather than create more worries, it's wiser that i step aside. To the sidewalk, where every other normal friend would stand. Hope he doesnt read my blog for the time being. It'll only give him more stress and pressure. Should i even go to the wake? It'll be painful if he sees me... what should i do?

Life goes on, School + Work. However, i've got no mood for either. Just going about doing things i ought to be doing, with memories flashing by, tears ocassionally seeping down my cheeks. Someone said to cry a little for myself, a little for eric's dad, and laugh a little too, cuz there are people who care. Indeed there are. For that i'm thankful.

I'm hurting. Its an emotional lost im feeling. a hole in the heart if thats what u wana call it...

Dont even wish to think about the trip, but on a lighter note, here's a brief summation.

1 pants

3 necklace

3 belt

4 bags

5 shorts

6 footwear

13 Clutch bag/lil pouches

13 Tees

16 Tank tops

16 Nail Polish

34 Ear Rings

woW. That's excluding food, and lil gifts for people. Oddly, packing these spoils dont seem to make me feel any better. It onli made me remember.... that fateful trip.

Changi airport

Well, AS USUAL, i'm surfin the net at the airport, while my the smoking community gets their puff in the smoking room.

haven't slept the whole nite. Really cold. and i didnt dare i didnt dare to toss n turn. was worried tt iris mite wake up.. AND, there wasnt much space to turn either.. heehee..

Feel FILTHY rich. i've got 10,000 (bhat)!!!!!!!!!!! hehhee... wow.. Hmm let's see what i'm set to do when im there basically its shopping n eating. here's the breakdown:

1. Tom Yum Soup
2. Khao Niao Ma Muang (mango with glutinous rice)
3. Mango salad
4. Papaya salad
5. Manicure
6. Pedicure
7. Bag
8. ..........etc..

Ok, eric's hurryin me... the rest went to get the fags, while i'm blogging.. ciaoz peeps. i'd be back in NO TIME!! literally. *sigh*

ByEee

Pre thai..

Before i Leave for Thailand...

I'm at iris's place.. preparing to head to bed and YET i'm still blogging. Why? Felt the need to leave a presence before i leave. Feeling a lil sombre now. Not exactly high spirited. Because i'm Broke? maybe... Oh, Another person said i look "rounder". Man. I've got say.. $6 bucks to my name? Someone mentioned tt i'd get my pay on 23rd.. Boy was i happy.. Greatttt..... only to find out, that the $$'s only coming in on the 26th~. *counts fingers*

Watched the Dim Sum Dollies last nite! Definately a great treat! Sure was funny. the Puking 1/2 fish 1/2 cat.. the bollywood scene, rock band, etc. Memorable for sure. No doubt it was back row seats, the sound system definately made up for it. couldnt really see the facial features, but does it matter? it was more of a MUSICAL! Selena's fat thighs made mine seem like chopsticks. Wish i never saw emma yong's tho. Imagine watching it alone? No one to laugh with, no one to share the joke, the grin, etc.. Hence i'm glad ive got the chance to watch it with someone enjoyable! Well priscy, there're always other plays to watch! u know i'm always game for one!! next show anyone??



Nonsensical ramblings. Hmm. I've felt the need to blog about seemingly "cheeem" and intellectual stuff, which just MIGHT act as a mirror, reflecting my intellegence n self worth. However, with its restrictive nature. i Guess not. i mean.. i Better not.

No doubt the whole world says a blog's "personal", and its in a paradigm of its own. I dont think so. Nope, i aint trying to be Different again. i just happen to be. Isnt everything "Charlotte's" BIG WORLD WIDE WEB public? Maybe if u hide behind a peusodeum, no one wld "recognize" you, but they sure do "recognize" the info! Hence, how can a blog be anything PRIVATE? Well, you can Write all you want, and people can say all they want.

Speaking of which. i Remember some fucked up council members i once worked with. *note the fucked up*.. honestly, as of now, i dont quite care if they see this.. *neh neh ni booBoo!*. oh, i was saying.. they were F-ed up in their own way. There was one incident, where i was once an innocent blogger, i blogged about things which i felt were utterly harmless. those monkeys made monkeys out of themselves! one told the other, n another told the other n the other other other.. Right... How very gossipy. Sigh. Through that lesson however, i've learnt. The blog's not SO private after all.

Even the famous xiaxue.blogspot.com has been speaking less of controversial issues. Well being slammed by the public is one thing, who's the public?? they're merely strangers who happen to know you. Being criticized, questioned, doubted by ppl close to you's terrible. You start thinking if u should even blog what you feel and think. Why? because of its implications. How can there never be implications??? Its impossible. There's always articles like "what if your boss reads your blog." and honestly, there's not one boss who wld say "Great blog you've got! Your writings are really insightful!"... well, maybe if that fake blog's all bout patting the ass of ur boss.. *ooOhh. patting of ass.. hmm that reminds me of something. heh.. its another story for another time.

Right, more about the DUMB me. i cleverly left my jacket n specs at home. right. smart. so smart. how am i ever gona see once i tk off my contacts... great job val..!! its 3, afew more hrs to waking up.. Finally seeing eric in.... 4 hrs? hehee.. i'm dreding the flight.. but looking foreward to the shopping. =) iris's still in the toilet! gonna KO soon. do drop me msgs/tag/mail/bubbletalk, etc. i'd be back in no time. WOULD definatly try 2 tk more pix. but i suck in most lar. so... dont have too much hope on tt.

Goodnite to you...

** A GREAT BIG SORRY**

To prisc, lyly, joanne, zeyu, dolin...

So sorry tt didnt get up... sigh. =( it really was on silent. i didnt turn it on after the play. =( sigh.. make it up 2 u guys soon..

GotThem

CONGRATS PRISC!!!

for those who dont already know, PRISC GOT 2ND FOR THE RMIT PAGEANT!!! heh. thank good, i didnt waste my $18 bucks to enter Gothem.

Did just a couple of drinks, and i headed off as i was driving, and simply HAD to eat super. humongous craving. The rest's history. had an enjoyable and memorable night. Dont ask why. i wont divulge. That's for ME to know, and for YOU [not] to find out.

Heading for lessons soon, i'm GOD DAMN tired, and i've got the DIM SUM DOLLIES to watch 2nite. cant wait!! been wanting 2 watch for some tim =)

More updates when i'm back ya. time to head to the bank, t/f $$, and get my ass to CLASS. sigh

incense make me puKe..

it's a SUN day, and the sun is indeed shining brightly. Just got bk frm the temple at kebangan. Grandma's residing there.

Seriously, i've got no idea why we go to the temple just to take a look at those urns, tablets, and do nothing, leave for lunch. I understand the traditional R-E-S-P-E-C-T which chinese have, no offence, but going there, putting food, incense, that's it?

When my parents pass away, they wont be placed in a temple, where i visit them on "special" ocassions, putting food, keeping the food, etc. They'd be in my heart always.. on ocassions like their bday/aniversary, i'd prolly go through the old pics, thinking of times we spent together, or doing things we use to do. I suppose that's much more meaningful than a superficial act of gathering there, n thats it. To make things worst, i've never held a joss stick. Guess its because mum's christian. And i was supposed to be one.

Picture GaLore!

Horse:Dog:Cat:Lion:Sheep:Duck:Pig:Elephant:Cow

Remember i mentioned tt eric and i went to the arcade, had a helluva time catching those lil toys!?!? HERE THEY ARE!! Adorable arent they! hehehe... Super kiddish of me i know, but YES, they looK sOoo adorable.

Guess those who havent seen eric r kinda curious bout how he looks? heh... i've got a few req for his PIC, but NO!!!! i shall keep y'all in suspense. or rather, i cant find a super good lookin pic of him. He looks betta in person, so Date him if u wana take a peeK!.. however, i've got a pic of his beloved....................................................Bike

Yes Yes, that's ME pretending 2 ride his bike..Addidas jacket suits the bike coL huh.. I'd never attempt to ride it, rem the day where i crashed eric's 1st bike. Not crashed lar. just... fell to the side, broke the mirror etc?? heh.. ok. *pulls ears* i'm NOT riding another bike on my own. =(

Got my new TOY yesterday. Really needed it. For those who dont already know how hairy i am, dont try to find out. I'm concealing my "hairness" as much as possible. Cost a bomb, but it sure is worth it.. Been eyeing it for sometime. Kept contemplating geting a cheaper one, but guess when BODily stuff r concerned, i'd rather pay a lil more.. To be honest, it doesnt feel very "satin-ish" leh.. sigh. maybe its just me. hehee.. here u go.. my newest TOY:

Laterz peeps.. time for some serious bummin before i head to work.. ;)

Have a great sunday!!

ktv nite

it's time to BLOG before i head out again.

heh. honestly, MAYBE, just MAYBE, parents need some form of conditioning. I mean, rem those days where we had to get bk home by 7 for dinner?? mmm, be back b4 10, then it was 12, then ocassionally 1am, Once in a blue moon 3? then it became the very FREQUENT 5am?? heh.. allseem so familiar... tsk.. then, the "geh kiang" me had to be a nice girlie, n get bk home earli very often... so now my mum's showin me THE FACE... (note the col)

aniway. they just asked bout work, $$$ etc. sigh. tryin 2 sound out how much $$ i've got left! heh.. clever me... didnt divulge much..

Heading dwn to KTV with Vanassa n mandy.. =) 3 girls only!? i'm starting 2 wonder how long we'd last too! hahahaa.. gosh. i'm hungry again.

More when i'm back!! =)

i'm CURED

VaL's a BIMBO.. With No ass.

as ive said, it aint my ass, it's my jeans tts lose.

*state of self denial*

I've gotta type really gently.. or i'd ruin my spoiL of the month!
was high time i did some nail therapy again. been quite awhile since i've had time for that. ;) Went to Jurong point with an intention of gettin lunch n returning those lib books, but indulgence got the better of me, got a pedicure... and a manicure. tsk! too bad i dont have a cam, or i'd snap a few pretty pix. Toes are GREENish GOLD! Realized tt its of the same col that i wana get my Birkenstock in.. madrid-Bronze.

Ok, this sat, i WILL GET MY BIRKENS! must! Didnt wana get my usual french done, so had silver tips and a pink base. sad to say, the pink is TOO pinkish sigh. Not very VAL.

Nevertheless, since i dont have the time to switch nail cols every now n then, this is better then nothing. aint super satisfied as there are bubbles already! due to the intense heat for speed drying. then the silver on 1 finger actually ruNs!!(or is it becuz of the cheese fries i ate?).. ok ok, any guy readin this, u're lost by now. i know. If u arent? good for u.. hehe..

Twas a Mustafarie day last night. VANASSA and MANDY (gosh.. i always mix them up unintentionally), BM, Yuna, Hilda, ST and myself. had a nice time, but wld haf liked 2 spent MORE time there. the place's Fkin big.. Ok.. more mOre MORE.. i'm enjoyin my self..

Had a row with Eric ytd on my way dwn to clementi. tsk...... shalln't say more.. kinda touchy. For those who listened, u know who u are.. I thank u frm the bottom of my heart for the care you've shown in ur own way... i understood the "sense" u made, n i know what to do.. I'm a big kiddo now.. Still a kiddo tho.. :D The rest who simply made my day... I appreciate it very much too!! :)

and Darling, U know i never wanted it to happen.

Now, i dont wish to talk about it,
because i juz want it to get better,

not dwell on it.

shalln't say more..

because u know what i really mean, what im implying etc.

Right?

OK, only you'd know somehow..

Others prolly dont.

You definately will

*winKz*

Happy National Day!

Happy National Day to all!!

CuMMon, let's be a lil patriotic yea?

got my first and only "Happy National Day" sms last nite aft the stroke of 12. Well, am i lacking in friends who circulate sms-es. or Does no one give a Sh*t to such days now!? Honestly, i prefer national days back then, were we could queue for tickets, camp outside, have fun! now? its just the S.A.M machine. n its done. look what IT has done to us.. tsk!

Felt that i've got "no-life" since i'd b stayin home on an eve of a public hol, happily complained to hilda online once i got home frm work, and we headed back to the workplace, looked for van, and went for SUPPEr together with van, and roy, ST and another friend came along later. haha.. happening! Where to? NUS PPPratta!! been a long time since i've been there. N the food takes just as long.

New found fave: Pineapple prata! its got *duh*pineapples, cheese, some onion (by mistake i suppose) and maple syrup on top. *SeDap!* Next was round 2 at WestCoast park. I still cant believe i walked all the way there.. its kinda far. Infact, as i'm bloggin the morning after, my legs are aching a lil. Due to walkin? er.. maybe the little fun we had at the playground.. heh..

The place's a lil rundwn as compared to back then. Recalled tt not too long ago 4 yrs back? 5? it was the JSS vball girl's fave haunt. those were the days.. Had a smashin good time back then. When i see some irritating sec skool kids, i tend to look back n wonder "HEY! was i REALLY like tt too!? sucha Pest!" hahaha.. now i know

And so Now's project time, waitin 4 priscy 2 pop over to my place as the lib's closed for the day.. and get this damn proj done. (i swear mr chan lai huat.. u really are an ass.. makin a fOOL of us all.. if we cant use that framework, WHY PUT IT EVERWHERE!? workshop, notes, etc... damn.. THANKS to u, im redoing my proj on a national day!)

FYI, it's due tmr. shit. what if we cant finish it!?!? *bites nails* i've got wrk at 6... oh man... Might be Heading dwn to Mustafas tonite to source for a TV as well. Know nuts bout tvs. Just know its time for the one sitting in the living room to retire. its constantly hinting us by taking longgger n longgggggger to load. Now who's heard of a TV-loading-time!?!?!? Exactly my point. NEW TV, HERE i COME! Thx to Yuna the tv-expert who doesnt mind goin dwn with me, and BM who "wanted" to come, but couldnt. Hmm.. animore MuStaFarians? :P

My Brother

My bro's sick.. For a couple of days already. Let's hope he gets well soon. 39.Smthing degrees. sigh. Know it sux to have fever, esp fever that runs so high. Perhaps it really burns up my brains!? sigh. why cant it burn up my fats instead! haha

nevertheless, i'm really kinda worried for that boy. One moment he's fine, the nxt moment, he's all feverish again. Just last nite, he was up and alive, hlping me exterminate THAT cocroach lurking in my room.. "Hwoa-TaHh-Hai-YaH!" SmACK. n its dead. haha.. *drama* Feels good to have a brother by my side. Always.

When he was stil in my mum's tummy, i wish i had a little sister! wont it be fun to have a lil sista? aparently, what popped out was this cute lil baby (BOY) .. really enjoyed holding him in my arms ocassionally. feeding him from the bottle.. :) felt great to know i had a sibling. someone who shares the same parents, and supposed to have certain characteristic/features of mine.

As he grew up, lets just say he became a brat. The maids always doted on him more than they cared for me! hmpH! perhaps its because i always told on them.. haha..

"mummy mummy! auntie helen bring guy home!!"

"Daddy!! auntie zeny talk on phone 21 times for 3 mins." Shows my RECORDS

When my bro was in kindergarden, he fell at the play grnd, and cut his forehead, after that, he vomited the whole night. i swear i was worried sick.. thought i might just lose this lil bratty brother of mine, thankgoodness. it was just food poisoning.. Didnt like him back then. No idea where the anxiety came from. Guess its just the fact that he's my brother.

He's always the one with $$, Sweets, everything. his sister me, either spent the $$ or ate the sweets. Hence resulting in me borrowing/getting it frm him. Ocassionally even conning $$ frm him! hahaa.. he's well aware, but he never really pestered, or harped on it. Just for notes, till tis very day, he'd still say i OWE him $$$ no matter how much i return him.. tsk.. sigh. never offend a kid i say..

I vividly remember the days where we'd race dwn the stairs.. all 12 storys.. :) Stupid jokes in dads car lame stories and riddles, he never got sick of what i said. He'd always feel entertained, and in turn entertain me! More about him Next time.. He's one interesting kiddo.l. and i really wish to see him grow up and become he man he's gona be..

Swear he's one smart ass. he DOES NOT STUDY!!! cross my heart! yet he scored god damned well in Olevs, got to ACJC, and OCASSIONALLY does his hmwork these days.. Hmm did i mention that he's gettin all fit n buffy!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's well!!!! :) thx to TLC FRoommmmmmm.... My mum! haha.. oH, the award he got for his "outstanding o lev results" (big deal ms XX frm boonlay sec, must u emphasize that when u ring us up!?) he gave the CD voucher to me! =) beams.... when he saw that, he immediately told mum "Give jie jie!" sweet... have tis fuzzy feeling everytime i think of it..

Now that i'm writing these stuff, there seem 2 be many more happy memories i've shared with him.. No doubt he's a special person in my life. If there's anyone i dote on in this world the most (before i've got kids) it'll be my brother. In life, nothing's permanent, but the blood ties we have, can never be erased..

quizz

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are

wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.

Hot		75%
Exciting		75%
Violent		50%
Soft		44%
Sweet		44%
Wet		38%
Shy		13%
Awkward		6%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

righhtt.. i'm HOT/... hahaha

hmm.. got tis frm friend's friend's friend's blog...

Appreciate what you have at the moment..

hmm quite a couple of days since i've blogged huh.. shall skip what came in between. Interesting few days.. but. i cant quite remember things in details as everyone knows.

Nevertheless its a SATURDAY!!! and i'm gonna be a good girl, stay home, and do work! honestly, i think school aint a breeze. Lessons r getting kinda monotonous, i find myself counting the mins to break, lookin at the clock, waiting for classes to end.. only to either end up with more projects, or head to work. BaHhh..

work, yes work! got really pissed of ytd. i'm afraid of the cold n was sitting right under the vent. Imagine the heat. i practically took off my warmest windbreaker. was fuming. dumb people. like fkin dumb. One example was spending 15mins explaining to this person why 24mths of 8Oct'03, is 7Oct'05, and not september. What a waste of time. My final count was. "ok lor, u take a calender, slowly count one mth by 1mth.!" realize i was kinda rude. but gosh... dumbness-ultimatum!

just found a friend recently. well.. its purely "stumbled" upon.. but guess we get along well, and we're good for each other, as we keep each other entertained, and cheered up. aint that good? Tho there r plenty of novelties in this world.. maybe, just maybe noveltey does last, and changes into something more permanent? say.. a permanent novelty? haha.. guess not. otherwise. it wont be called a novelty. Then again, maybe it aint a novelty! just pure fun, enjoyment, and support... ;) well.. as a parting note...

Learn to appreciate what u have at the moment, and dont look too far ahead..

ATTENTION PLS!

ATTENTION!!

Sexy Buns u cant MISS!! A fly wld go Right smack into the crack.

Personal FAVE! She's hot, doncha think!? ahem. Thats the body i wana attain! hmph. someone take those tempting dessert n supper away please!?

But she's got this CFM look. Ok, M21. Those who dont already know what the CFM look stands for. u prolly shouldnt find out.

DYING FOR MORE!?!?!

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HERE U GO!!

This'll put u guys to shame!! haha..

Right, BET i've gotten All your attention. So, here's the point, i've got a couple of surveys tt need to be done URGENTLY!, so do kindly render your *ahem* expertise ya?

Gosh.. now i cant get my eyes off that site with bbbbeaUUuutiful woman. tsk. wld buying prettier bras make me sexier!?

My first complimentary letter

Got up late as usual, because it was raining. YES VAL BLAME THE RAIN!!! so i dragged myself out of bed at 1230, showered, and attempted to start work!! sigh. how can i ever do that.. I shld have known betta that i cant start work without eating first!! Right. Read 1 whole chapter of the "wrong stuff", and realized only after i consulted prisc. Smart val VERY SMART!

Since everyone's sayin i shld eat more fruits and veg, i decided to go HEALTHY today! I took out the blender, Dumped an apple in (i cut it up of cuz), ICE (lots of em), Mango Juice with nata de coco, 1 yakult (new less calorie version), and i BLENDED IT!!. Thought it wasnt as sweet, so i added a little brown sugar. Ended up with what? 3 big glasses!? Holy Shit.. It tastes GREAT!!! *yea right. what can i say after dumping that gruesome lookin thing down my throat!? 3-4 big glasses so to speak. I gave up after the 3rd one. It looked yellow, with red specks (becuz i didnt shave the skin, no, i wasnt lazy, i couldnt find the shaver. Is it called a shaver!?)

Next was work, Got a Complimentary LETTER!! =) BEAMS! yes, i do remember the person who wrote it. Feels nice to have a letter! But guess as a part time staff, it doesnt make much of a difference. Does it? Hmm.. So will my pay be $20/hr!? haha. Dream on. Yea.. i'm practical! Lets just say that.. i never expected someone wld be so "free" to even write a letter or remember my name over the phone. Complains, maybe. compliments.. i never thought it wld. Lets just hope this wont be the last of it! :) GamBatte vaL! Starting to feel attached to work, and the workplace as a whole. Feels nice having people around me whom i can consult with regards to queries... It makes work a whole lot nicer.

I know.. my blog's lackin of pix these days.. wait wait wait.. soOOnn.. got some in mind already. just cant be materialized YET.

THURS! GEYLANG FROG PORRIDGE!!!. Ate it at china twn with eric tt day.. n it didnt tast thta bad after all! *grinz.. Thurs wld b the day where i taste the so called BEST in SG!. Then again. i hope the supper's still on.. will it hilda? BM!? ST!? er.. who else.. VANessa!? :)

Back to booKs.

Will the sunshine come!?

~~DELETED POST~~

May sleep take over me as soon as it can.. Because i cant bear another moment of this night. I want the daylight to take over. When the sun shines... so will i...

had my post taken away. why!? i didnt feel the need to have it. Eye hurts. Bingo! Tears... Will u cheer me up!? It isnt hard to cheer me up.. come on.. just try!?

Ok.. i keep typing, and deleting, typing n deleting. it simply isnt coherent.
i'm sorry. i'd try again tomorrow.

for now.................... u'd just need to know i'm upset. Thx to everything.

Moving out on my own

Why I want to move out on my own:

1. i can get home anytime i want after supper or work
2. anyone can stay over anytime (great idea!)
3. i can wear anything at home. (i'd leave things up to your imagination) P/S: mum, can you stop commenting on what i SHOULD wear or MUst wear, i mean its my hse too! shallnt go into details.
4. i can mess up the room
5. buy more stuff without anyone saying i've got enough
6. sleep at 7am without bursting my bladder by stayin in my room and afraid tt they'd realize i havent slept
7. i'd get to revamp my own room the way i want it (KING SIZE BED)
8. i'd have the freedom to do "anything" i want at home
9. i can get a dog!!
10. NO MORE NAGGING!!! =)

Why i'm still staying with my parents and not moving out on my own:

1. I'm not financially independent. Expenses wise, yes, lodging? school fees? uH-uh
2. I refuse to wake up in the middle of the nite to bring in clothings if it rains
3. Mum cooks great food, n she's the best (and only) mummy!
4. Dad has a car, n i'm very fond of him.
5. My bro's becomin more mature, n i love seein him change from a little boy, to the great guy he is now
6. No one's gona bug me to keep my room Tidy
7. No one's gona joke n sincerely care for me
8. I'd wake up in the middle of a nite a lonely person
9. I spent the last 20 years with them, and im emotionally attached to them
10. They're my family and i love them!

Spent most of the day with prisc in the library. What a life. it's my OFF DAY!!!! argh. nevertheless, kinda satisfied with the outcome of it all. Dinner with my parents, Thai food, love it. (BANGKOK HERE I COME!) went shopping at cold storage, and i'm back HOME. Stuck with my unfinished DVD serial. ok... lets see. 4 more dvds to go. = bout.. 10-12 more episodes? gona have a weekly de-stress program man. or i'd crash n burn.

here r some thoughts for today after speakin to some ppl..

i've only got one life, and this time, it's prolly the last time i'm gona
study full time. The next time i'm studyin, it'll be when i'm having a full time
job. Situation presents a challenge, a chance for me to take charge of something
i'm interested in, and give it my best shot. WHY waste it!? At least. i know i
aint alone. Great thanks to those who helped out in bad times, giving me virtual
hugs n kisses, helping me get to bed, telling me things which aint good to
hear... etc. or simply, just by being there for me. you know u're deeply
appreciated in more ways than one.

I'm growing up... but Is it a way i want to?

How others view me, is simply a mirror, in which i see my own reflection. Thanks for showing it to me.. I'm not sure if i like what i'm seeing.

project

i'm feeling

SHIOKK!!!

What could be betta than having a gggrrreAT meal with great company at Crystal Jade after work, AND goin home only to shower, surf the net and head to bed, knowing i can wake up at 1pm. Heavenly. Sweet.

It was christina's last day of work yesterday. Wait. lemme rephrase. She's changing to the morning shift. so basically, we'd see zilch of her. No one's gona haf supper with me anymore. Maybe then i'd quit supper all together. =)



u know what, i dont wana be taken for granted. Getting kinda pissed with project and its mates and editing and substandard work and the RESPONSIBLITY LEVEL of theirs. If anyone of u r reading it, YES, i am gonna be pissed very soon. Not yet, but SOON.

Felt you've done your part well enough, n you've got a clear conscience. Then i aint speaking about you. Because if u think you've done your best. I'm fine with it. Is there a slight tinge of guilt? rephrase, An apparent sense of GUILT due to lack of responsibility? yes? Then its you i'm talkin about.

P/S: this applies to EVERY OTHER BLOODY IRRESPONSIBLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

i hate doin editorial work. But i chose to do it. Why? i dont want others to screw my work. It's MY grades. Just FYI if you dont realize, its YOUR grades too. I dont expect it to be Perfectly done, or in super good english, or with 1000 words for each part. ALL i expect. i repeat, ALL I EXPECT is for it to be given to me ON time, n with a certain degree of content. I need RESPONSIBILITY from all you (presumably) adults! If u say u'd give me by today, make sure its done by TODAY. if u cant, u jolly well tell me the day before that it cant be done. You do what you say, because you are responsible for your choices, and LIABLE for your words.

I'm trying very hard this semester. For once, i want to do well in school. Its prolly the last time i'm gonna study. Im pouring my heart n soul into the things i do. I havent felt so strongly about "life" for a long time. I like my work, i like the things i'm studying and doing, i like the relationships i have. I LOVE LIFE NOW. I spent every waking hour of mine either doin school related things, working, (excluding blogging) even compromising the little time i have with eric. I aint a great person at projects. i aint a super duper good worker. not the perfect girlfriend either. What matters, is that i'm trying, n i've got a no doubt about that

to the fuckers (or fuckers to be) that take me for granted. Screw you. Wana continue leading a life of no responsibility, thinking your own world is "oh-so-hard" and you're so busy, getting no life this and that shit. Think AGAIN. If you do have time to watch TV progs at home in real time, SHuddit. You dont qualify to even breath a word of unhappiness. The TV junkie, channel 55 freak, is now reduced to a 1.5 hr show, EACH WEEK, on tape.

i apologize if i'm a lil vulgar or rude.. or concieted. But i made no mention of names. I aint implying. I mentioned, if u've got a clear conscience bout things, you know i aint speaking about you! I didnt mention names.. you placed yourself in there. Dont go round sayin what a bitch i am. Then again. Go ahead. Dont mind being one anyway. Percieve all you want, your life's a lie anyway.

btw in life,
some may hate me,
for starters,
i dont like you very much either.
I dont quite give a fart about you. =)

Somehow it makes me feel so much better knowing that the feeling is somewhat mutual.
Ever thought that the problem lies with yourself and not me?
If the problem lies with me, then its MY problem.
What if its yours?
go clear you fcuked up head.
Once again. no names mentioned.
If u're sensitive n oh so "emo-emo" now.
i cant help you.
God bless.

time to head meet prisc for the PROjECT! :(

The Curse

Quite often, good things simply just dont last.

I thought I had the last laugh.

Seems like the last has yet to come.

Since time and situation wiped away this scornful sneer of mine,

So I shall await that day,

since this sinister smile dont suffice.

Some deserve better, Some deserve worst.

If you think you've got the best,

think twice.

Cuz you've been cursed.

I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!... or am i?

Bet you must be thinking i'm evil.

-*i hear some one muttering, making mention of my evil intentions..*-

i wont tell the whole story.. as it's a real grandmotherly one.

in short.. maybe i'm not a nice person to trifle with after all...

Thought i was? Maybe i still am..

Try me. I dare you!!

sorry peeps. still feeling a little "attitud-ish" over some happenings. nevertheless... had a great time "playing" some stuff with eric today... hehehe.... uH-uh.. dont think dirty. i'd wait for him to sent me the pix before i upload them. tsk. brings me so much joy at the sight of it. such wonderous thrill i say. =)

good nite

un-feministic me

Done the nitty gritty "every-girl-must-do-before-bed" procedures n decided that i should turn on my bimbotic laptop for a session of blogging before bed. As to why why laptop's bimbotic, it isnt a reflection of its owner, but rather, a wrong choice made. It looks good, feels good, light weight, sleak, basic functions, and without the capability to play games. Aquired weird skill of typing while lying down in bed, it involves *let me count* 4 pillows of different sizes, a bolster, and and a particular protruding part of the body. If u were thinking boobs,**naH** i dont think its that protruding. But if u happen to think that way, thx for the un-common compliment.

Blog whats on my mind, and maybe i'd keep the sleepless nights away. No offence to anyone who inspired me to blog about this, and i'm not particularly offended, infact i'm grateful that its made known to me, so that i do have the opportunity to give it some thought. These are just my thoughts, scribbles, rants etc. anything you wish to call it. Basically something within my sphere of thought and BeYOND other people's realm of control

Someone told me that i look somewhat Feminine at first. Then, the impression of me changed to that of being tom-boyish. So am i feminine or am i tomboyish actually? Another school of thought would be the originally bimbotic me, followed by the intellectual me, with deep thoughts and never ending arguments. Whats with the disparity?

What am i to you? What's your impression of me? Not like I can do about it, but contrast to the usual statement of "i dont give a damn" (which usually IS a lie), i DO care. I cant do anything to change your opinion, but I care about what is being said and infact, i make it a point to change whatever i feel would make me a better person

Here's my humble piece:

Feminism is a perception by guys and girls alike. A form of genteel
submisiveness, emiting an aura of womanly characteristics, in which part
component includes speech, actions, and decisions.

So, what exactly is womanly? WHO defines feminism? Is someone feminine
when she wears a skirt, dress sexily, bring tissue paper, carries make up, speak
softly, walk properly, talks correctly? Who said so? So apparently i aint
feminine (enough). Or is it my character that isnt since i look like one and
dont behave like one. So the female population is not allowed to have a tough
independent side, and the male population shouldnt have a caring fatherly
facade. Only the male are allowed to use the"Book of Vulgarities" while
girls should study the "Book of Virtues". Am i right to say so?

Know that NOT everione thinks this way. Infact, those who think this way wont even
outlandishly say they do.

Loud, outspoken, frank, with lots of opinion
and being daring are the tom-boyish side of me. the "i am what i am, and u
cannot change me since i dont give a flying fuck" doesnt apply here. Because i
do want to appear as a girl, or rather a girlish girl. Better still. An
Intellectual girlish girl. How does that sound? A dream come true? I wish i were
that.

Like every other true blue non bisexual GIRLie-girl. I want to be percieved
as one, so i try behaving like one. Maybe at the end of the day, i can only look
like one, and not REALLY be one.
With regards to the WHO questions mentioned
earlier, its the Social-Norms that defines female. How female should be like,
how they should act, how they should be behaving, what they should do, what they
should say etc. (Note the SHOULD.) No thanks to the society, its believe that
all girls SHOULD follow a set of norms, I on the other hand, am going to do
something i've always wanted to...

I'm Challenging the Societal Norms

AND

Guy's perception of a "normal" female

I'm not going to be what people initially think i am, i REFUSE
to be classified in a manner way beneath my status as a perfectly normal female.
Screw the dumb who cant pronounce the official currency of Germany befor Euro $
was introduce (Deutsche Mark). Screw those who prefer Prada to Prata, To hell to
those who look good and dont do work. You girls spoil the market for for other
better female i say. Contaminate guy's impression, and Create lousy
expectations.

*no harm done since im attached* I'm NOT gonna pretend I'm a
blue-blooded FEMALE. Henceforth, val's just gonna be someone who
dresses depending on the ocassion, speak according to the situation, behave like
how she wants to and DO whatever she thinks it's right to. AND have every right
to curse in public, make a din, command, scold etc AS SHE DEEM FIT. Maybe its
the "new-age-girl" thing. No idea. I dont think that's new. Its only NEW to
me.. I know there are afew who behaves this way. So why exactly aren't
they considered tom-boyish and yet i am? Sad fact. so in conclusion:

Everything you see, is part of me.

No one can change it, because that's who i choose to be.

How you percieve, it still would exisit...

Because i choose, only to be truthful to ME

Love and Regards to all who survied reading till here,

THE vaL

i'm tired.. sorry if it aint coherent.. time for bed...tomorrow's another long day

be Right back

Gosh. my post is gone! DAMN!

I've got quite alot of stuff 2 settle for now... Soo.. more updates bout 1929 soon... for now.. id fix the pix.. n get it up!

thx for dropping by!!!

n do leave a tag! ;)

Heartless side of Singapore

Next, lemme rant about some HUMAN whom i really dispise. Was eating porridge at Outram, and as usual, there are always ppl selling tissue paper. I'd usually buy, since i'm the kind of girl who do not have tissue stashed in my bag.

So there was this person, he's "physically challenged" (a nicer way of sayin he's retarded). He's hunched, and has trouble walking, looks at ppl from under his arms since he's hunching so badly. Yet, he's walking around, selling tissue, trying to make ends meet. Before i even saw him, eric took out 2 bucks, and told me 2 get 2 packets. I couldnt help taking note of him.. and the tables he approached.......

WHAT THE HELL ARE U HEARTLESS PEOPLE THINKING!?

There we've got this pathetic looking guy, askin if u wanna buy tissue, and u IGNORE him. HELLO!? the least u could do was wave, and say that u dont one so he can get moving, instead of standing there, pondering, and wishing u bought a packet from him. Was it my over active imagination, or did i see a glint of tear in his eye?

I'm rather sensitive as most of u might already know.. At that point of time, i felt like trotting over, and giving them a piece of my mind. Even their 3 year old toddler had the decency to wave a "i dont want it" sign. It wasnt just 1 table. it was at least 3. Felt a heart wrenching sense of unhappiness. Would i be like them when i'm slightly richer?

Aunties, Uncles, u people watch those un-entertaining, fake, and predictable celebrities perform in the "god-knows-how-many-times-a-year"-charity show. Still, as if brainwashed by them, u people take up ur phone, dial the 1900-112-6868, or 6888, or 8888. Wishing u won a car or condo!? Cummon. keep wishing! Trying to buy a conscience? Save a lot in heaven? keep on dialing, u just might get a golden tap installed in ur home as part benefit of an honorary member. YET, just a dollar or 2 for a pack of tissue!? and u ignore the person. How nice, bet u'd get a landed property in Hades!

*** im stereo typing. so dont get offended by my entry***

Weirdly evil thoughts crept into my mind..

1. ONE DAY, when u're in need, NO ONE will give u $$$.. or TISSUE PAPER for that matter
2. Shit in a public toilet, Realize that there aint no toilet paper, n WISHED u bought a pack of TISSUE PAPER
3. Get those ugly food stains on ur face, and have no TISSUE PAPER to WIPE them
4. Suffer from the stench of bird shit on ur face and have NO TISSUE to wipe
5. DREAM of yourself as the person, scare the shits out of urself, and have NO TISSUE PAPER

wahaha!!!!

come on peeps.. do yourself a favor.. do society a favor.. Give to the needy.. It dont cost much to help within your means. When we're all healthy n wealthy, we take forgranted. We dont see the sad side of nature. Help when you still can... cuz u'd never know when u'd need help...

FISHTANK + BM ad

As promised, here's a pic of my WorkPlace!!!
Colleagues who r reading this, appreciate the nice art work that u never had the time to.



Cute fishes aye!? with those pouty lips. see the apple!? it's some sorta health campaign thing. OH SHIT!, i left it there again! forgot to eat it, forgot 2 bring it home. Sneak some lil snippets of pix out nxt time. :) sHhhhh... nothing confidential aniway! :)

oh, here's another ADVERTISEMENT on behalf of a nice guy. I've put it up willingly n not a Knife point. For one simple reason. Those who really wanted 2 watch Inital D, WOULD already have watched it. but he......... aparently hasnt got such opportunity. HENCE:

WANTED

someone to watch INITIAL D with!

Anyone will do

preferably female

Free at night

No strings attached

One-off date

Willing to pay for pop-corn, n drink.

Preferably in the west

Profile: Chinese, Male, Straight (i think), single (i suppose), rides a scooter, tall, MHR helmet, no specs, Good pay, Good prospects, Mr. Nice guy, heart of a 3yr old, behavior of a 21 yr old (no disclosure of age) EMAIL with the code: "BM"..(his initials, wish his vehicle had a W behind it) know i wont get much response unless i post a pic of him.. HmmmmMmmMm..... cant lay my hands on a good looking one.. *if u get wat i mean* aahahaa.. juz jesting!

Gonna start my dissapearing act. wld re-appear on SUN.. shHhh... dont go telling eric. More pix up when i'm back... as requested by some very visual ppl who aparently dont quite appreciate reading n prefer checking babes out.

Dear Prisc

PUBLIC WARNING

This is a public warning for Madame Khoo Yin Cheng.

Those who know who she is, good, cuz u'd understand my plight, sympathize with me, and scold her if u wish.

Those who dont know who she is... go investigate. i'm tarnishing her image here. Somewhat like a PUBLIC hate mail, or anonymous tag, this is a DISCRIMINATON BLOG!

WHERE ARE U!!!! YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!!! -*screams*

i'm all alone in school beside the koi pond.

haha.. just an announcement to prevent the guys frm going after her.. Since she's constantly late. :P

she's NOT available (yet)... Want a booking? go through her agent. **me** drop me a mail, a tag, anything. miss Khoo is up for grabs. gime a a sec.. get a pic of her.SHE"S HERE!!!! great.. dying to see this post. Neh-ni-NeH-ni-POOoo-PuuUu!!! :D

Ps: post is in pink cuz she requests it. :)

SpOoksville

its the MaMbo JumBo FestivaL!!

as declared by me.

the bug just bit, n now the music cant stop beats cant stop thumping. heh..

gotta admit that i'm quite a music junkie. frm retro, RnB, to punk, mandarin, even.. jazz. and infact, i'm lookin for Ono Lisa's compilations. Drop me a mail if any one has it. better still. do this poor soul here a favor, n get her an illegal copy. she cant pay the fine/bail, but she'd be eternally grateful!

i aint stinging on the ten over bucks, i just dont have the time to head over to HMV. Speaking of time, i do need more than 24 hrs a day. (like every other singaporean).... to make up for all the fun n entertainment, tis sat, i'm taking my day OFF. dont call me, dont msg me, dont even come looking for me. i've vanished into thin air..

Got a nice pic of my work place, to bad i went for supper n couldnt catch miss meryl online. shite. Get it up soon. Nice looking fishhhhhhesssss.. u'd understand when u see it.

Went for supper with my colleagues. Drove to upper bukit timah for sam's fave "yang zhou chao fan" and the classical ICE CREAM SODA. Anyone recall that drink?? What's your fave soft drink? Dont say u dont drink it or dont like it. Every one loves soft drinks.. cummon... Dont lie.. is it... Where's ur childhood man..

After supper, i missed the turning back to PIE tuas, hence went towards PIE changi. (dumb ass).. doesnt help when the "pregnant-but-not-invalid"(thats what she says) mumma feels sleepy in the car.. Exited towards eng neo... n it was one horrific experience..

The road was long n winding.. prior to that, we felt a little chilly, hence we switched off the aircon, but didnt wind dwn the windows.. Upon reaching that passage, there were no trafic. Not a single one i swear!! It felt exceptionally quiet.. the air felt still. The road felt just different. know its prolly the tar n gravel. but... i'm very very very sensitive to such "things". Blame it on my wild imagination/sensitivity. I sped through, without lookin at the mirrors, or turning to look at chris beside me. Chris suddenly commented something like "i ask u smth... dont be too sensitive ahhh.." i shut her up immediately by sayin "NO NO NO NO NO!!!! shuddup shudduP!!!" Yes. I admit. I am a scardey cat.

At tis juncture if u're askin what's the fuss about!? and what's the "THING" im refering to, u're either god damn brave, BlooDy F dumb, acting like u're the devil himself, not knowing me well enough, OR OR OR or trying real hard to be funny. For starters, it aint.

MIRRORS let u see things you SHOULDNT. As for WHY i didnt turn to look at her, (now tis sounds really dumb, comin frm someone who's last horror show was "The Ring")................................... i was afraid her face wld look different. Dont ask why or how. was just afraid it would.

To proove how timid a person i am... heres wat happened when i was on the phone some time back...
there was tis *tick tick.. tick tick* sound on the phone...... the other person just told me stuff, n implied that some things MIGHT be around my area... I wasted no time in popping myself on the bed, n enclosed myself in the warm safe comfort of my comforter...the "THINGS" dont lift the blankets of little girls to scare them do they!?.......... Rightt.... i'm no longer little. thx for reminding. *grinz*

Havent blogged bout tis.. but i did have some recent encounters. I was around the bukit batok area, and i swear it feels Dirty. (for the strong hearted who still still havent got a clue as to what "things" i'm refering to here's another clue). i dont meant dirty literally.

The whole area frm "xiao gui lin" to the exit towards PIE jurong. it creePs me out. If u're bad at roads around Jurong area. dont attempt to try bukit batok... I've heard frm friend's dad who's a taxi driver, that ppl get "lost" around there... u attempt turning n turning n turning n turning.. n u're SURE u saw this sign tt leads to this other area.. but yet, u still end up at square. Some ppl r plain bad at roads. But no harm avoiding that area at nite.. dont say i didnt warn u..

oHhhh what i saw while i was in bukit batok some time back!!! yes, was gonna enter a slip road some distance away, n i saw someone there. about to cross. The place's kinda deserted, cars n all yes, but no one(few) walkin around.. saw this person (or so i think) near the zebra crossing. Didnt occur to me as anything strange, so i juz kept quiet. She didnt slow down as we approached the crossing, neither did she stop. Befor i opened my mouth n ask, i turned. And i saw......................................................... Nothing. i wish i saw something.. correction. someONE i mean. i'm so sure i saw someone there.. REALLY!!!!!!!.. i kept my trap shut real tight, all the way clamped up till i reached home. n called her. Her dad's a taxi driver... tts y i know... :S

Did i mention that chris says "something" happened b4 around the eng neo area!?

i'm hopping into bed. NOW! dont anytttthhhhinggg dare follow me, tug my sheets, play peek-a-boo, or creep in n sleep by my side. I kick consciously. No questions asked.

Good morning to y'all... 1 more day to go.. :)

Threading

Attempted blogging last night. Unfortunately, i ended up chatting online, doin other stuff etc, and my entry turned out looking "junkified". Quite an eventful day i'd say. Weird exchange of feelings with some friends(right prisc?). Glad i'm back to normal. Glad i aint affected by anithing now. Got my brows done at LLLLOOONNNGGG last. Long wait for Nancy, but it was worth it.

Some ppl do ask, why do u pay $15 for threading, when u can get it done at $5 elsewhere!? I usually reply with a shrug, sayin i'd try the $5bucks threading next time. Apparently, next time never came. I'd rather pay $15bucks, for someone familiar, to do something she's good at. At least i know how the out come wld be like. At least i know she's meticulous. Service wise, She'd be positioned top box. Entering the parlour's just like entering some "FE-male" ground, where nails, face, beauty talk reigns.

For those who havent noticed, take a PeEk on the LEFT!
it's a WISH LIST!!!! yaYyY!! In contrary to how others feel that a wish list is a LIST where female splurGe all their $$, i feel that it's more of a saving mechanism for me. I list down what i want, whenever i do have the strong "urge" to buy something. After a day or 2, if i dont think the $$ to be spent is justifiable, i'd just strike it off!! Hence, saving on unwanted buys! greattt idea aint it?!? haha

Just got the GREEN bag i've bought online. ehh.. it looks the same. but it seems like its onli 60% of the size! Hahaha... I'd get used to it. it looks good nevertheless.

Laterz...

Just came back from supper with christina. More about her next time. In brief, she's a mum with 2 kids.. (4yrs and the other swiming in her tummy) and..... she's only 25? 26? gosh.. her appetite! she outeats guys. even ME!!! on a good day that is. My regular supper kaki. Loadsa similarities between us. Our sec skool, some common friends we know, etc.. get a pic of her. SOON. Really touched me with the ginseng tea she made. 2nd mum. wow. minus the nagging that is.

Dolin's bday, Dad's leaving for china, M1gathering, school, work, project. Overwhelming. getting the hang of it all.. but Yet to start the project propper. At least we've got all the dates up. Glad i've got familiar friends with me in school. or else it's gona b such a chore. With an endless amount of uncertainties. I guess still prefer things which are planned.

Sat's NLB day!!! havent been there since it's opened. Gona explore it with prisc. after tt. it's projs after projs after proJs. BoRrrrring.. cant wait for the 23rd. That's like the ONE n ONLY thing that i'm so lookin forward to now!

Warning... WARNING... system OVERLOAD

.. i repeat. SYSTEM OOOHHHver load

Well, that's pretty much how i'm feelin now. Just got back from movie n food. hell long since i've stepped into town n walk frm one end to the other. Just kinda sad that i didnt manage to get spoils frm the GSS. Mango was a total disaster. Nice pieces just didnt carry ani more sizes..

Signed up for this n that at SIM.. this SPSS shit, that "oh-so-impt" workshop, $5 each. not substantial.. but they sure do know how to make bucks huh.

Didnt attend the grad. No point. Aint as if i got some award. does Silver CCA award couNt!? Nevertheless.. i'd rather not stand in the queue.. n *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Goal for today:

1. WRAP THOSE BLOODY TEXT BOOKS!! before the doggie ears come out.
2. File the notes
3. Pack desk
4. Read text (if eyes permit) which i highly doubt.
5. SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!!!!!

morning classes tmr.. sigh.

happy-go-unLucky me.

with regards to fannie's question,

Where's the HAPPY-GO-LUCKY valerie!??

vaL's still happy. just not so lucky animore.

however, i've learnt that (1) every bad day has its end. (2)u never know when a bad streak's gonna strike.

Yesterday prooved to be good day. Good's an understatement infact. For one, i finally settled the group member issue. (i think). Had this guy join us for proj. Glad i actually asked him about it. god knows what wld happen if we end up with someone else(s)... Like what prisc said, she prefers the looks of him. Nevertheless, hope things work out for all projects.

Prisc told me that i can be kinda tense at times and i shld learn how to relax. Guess most of the time, u're unaware of how u're actually behaving until someone tells u how u're actually like. Thx babe. really appreciate it. She's prolly the one who'd b clear-est the tensed up perky me.. Now that i know where my short coming lies, i'd try retifying it... so.. SPA ANYONE!?!? MANICURE? PEDICURE!? haha.. kiddin.. that form of expensive relaxation obviously does NOT work for penniless ppl like me.

Oh.. nxt good thing about yesterday.... **drum rolls** CALLS WERE ALRIGHT!! finally gone out on my own. answered calls without anyone by my side listening to ever smoke bomb i throw, every fart i make. Few fatal errors, not informing certain stuff this and that. Overall, i'd give it 3.5/5 stars. Lotsa room for improvement. At least i know that things DOES get better. My confidence was at an all time low. glad it's on the rise now... Today will be a better day!

FANTASTIC 4! HERE I COME!!!
gona haf "xu liu shan" a delicious mango dessert, a dinner treat and a movie treat! yumyuM! that really is my ideal offday! yeaHhH!

Not everyday has a lousy tmr

the Groovy yellow chick would have to go for now. It seems too small all of a sudden.. dont seem to be able to read my own posts clearly. So, just a basic design for now.. until i find a new better one that is.

Your Ideal Hairstyle: All One Length, Side Part

What Hairstyle Is Right For You? Take This Quiz :-)

Doesn't it seem a little like my current hairstyle? no? nevermind. Speaking of hair, im tempted to snip it all off!!! Maybe long hair really aint my cup of tea.. It's getting all dry and damaged at the ends. Mum says to go for a treatment.. hmm.. i wanted to tell mum... "You paying for it!?!?!?!" hahaa.. she said she'd pay for school books. I havent seen any $$ as of yet. so.. i guess it'll be out of my own pocket.. baHhh.. wat a nuisance.

Everyday.. or Most days, i think persuade myself.. and try to do some DIY brainwashing..

NOT:
everyday's a bad day
everyday do i feel like quitting whatever i'm doing
everyday do i lose faith in my capabilities
everyday do i feel used n ditched aside
Everyday has a lousy Tomorrow..

Aparently i do feel like everyday's a bad day. Everything just doesnt turn out right. Some self inflicted, some caused by external reasons and human factor. Nevertheless, TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY! If im saying this to myself for afew consecutive nights, something's seriously wrong. However, i still am surviving, so it should be goin in the right direction.

I like my last sentense.. "not everyday has a lousy tomorrow".. SO! Gambatte vaL! [i even wrote it out n stuck it on my wall! so it seems that visual motivations dont work that well for me!]

Bought myself a bag online.. NICE!?!? kinda like it!


hmm last piece tho. hope i manage to get it. Or i'd b real sad... :(
i would never be able to afford retail therapy this month or in the months to come, but a little splurge at time's gonna make me MUCH happier. so it's Definately worth it. dont ya think so!?

Buying stuff online deem to be kinda risky. dont even know if it'll turn out nice or what's the exact sizing, or how it'll go with clothes..
Or shld i get it in black col?? nevermind.. I think lime green's nice!

How bout this!? a vintage envelope clutch! CooL huh!!! aint my style tho.. not practical. hahaa.. hmm doubt i'd get to use it aniway...
hence... i aint getting it...
not unless someone sponsors me! heh.. nope. aint hinting. i WONT be getting it. ;)


oK, wld post more "findings" if i've got any... bedtime. gotta crawl out of bed looking like a panda tmr..

dog shit day.

So apparently, all 4 of them has already watched fantastic 4. 6 of us were supposed 2 catch it 2gether. due to this this this.. n that that that. yeah.. they've watched it. asfor the both of us, it was supposed to be tomorrow. something cropped up. sigh. double sigh. triple sigh. sighs wont change anything, but it does make me feel betta!

Work was a bitch 2day. and i seriously think ive stepped on dog shit or something of the sort! hahaa.. Infact, i've juz decided that i'm too pissed off with 2 of my pals. For some reason which i decline to mention, i think i cant take their joke, or their way of handling things etc. Thx, but no thx. I'm gonna be "xiao qi" this time. I'm not there to take your attitude or anything of the sort. If something that has been said to me didnt get through to me, it might be my fault that the communication didnt come through. but it's also YOUR fault that u didnt ensure communication was clear enough. Fine. I'd leave it as such. I dont wish to be asked out. I'm NOT free. i'm BUSY. and even if i aint...... just let me chill or something of the sort. both of u, enjoy.

Went to hv with my colleagues. Hell lot of fun crap shit suanning.. :S scandal, jokes, chit chat etc. more to come. that's for sure!

Tmr would be my stay home day!!! gona get "some" work done. and accompany mum! miss her.. bet she misses me too! hehe...

well, Fantastic 4 can definately come nxt day.. say... wed!? it's a deal!! u're treating me to movies and dinner/lunch. i insist! hehe... it isnt an option now.. too bad for u! hahahaha... :)

Enjoying the Projs

Life's kinda in a mad mess now. But i'm enjoying it. I enjoy the satisfaction in being able to generate my own ideas and making sure it materializes into a solid project. I like knowing i'm in the right direction (or so i think). I think i am enjoying the research/reading/analyzing of the project that i'm about to embark on. In fact. i think it's kinda minor as compared to the group projs. However. i'm feeling the burning passion to do it WELL

My colleague said "when you think u might do well in something, u'd try harder when doing it. When you see the results after you put in effort, the next one would have double the effort!"
i'm in phase 1 now. I'm trying hard, because i think i JUST MIGHT do well if i try hard enough. so... enought of blogging for now. dead beat after work, but still... Life goes on, and so does work.

wana take a look at the books?? head to Priscy's blog .. gosh. i sure am 1 hardworking girl for now!.. not to mention one TIRED one too! hah..

Fuckin Dulan

if i were to use 2 words to describe my current feelings. it would be DaMn BLooDy FucKin DuLAN!. right. maybe 4 words. You can be pissed at the whole world, and get over it, cuz u can scream n sout at the person. maybe stab the person, burn an estate, or destroy the world.

i'm pissed off with

MYSELF

right. Lets see. so it's a $30 summon last week, $30 summon the day before, and.. $20 summon 2day. What a way to start the day. Ggggreeeattt.. well, to apease myself, i came to the justification that it's just $50 note, and "keep the change auntie Fatimah"

Next up. NO handouts at lectures. Better still. wanna stimulate creative thinking? I'm perfectly fine with it. and there he goes, Mr. Peter Burrows, rattling on and on about certain paradigms, and i swear the only paradigm i know is "Planet Paradigm".. the NTUC club!. (Para-dim, Para-dime).. any way u wanna pronounce it. Not many understood, not many catched wat he was saying, and it really came as a shock. And so, about 150 people minus the 20 odd who decided not to turn up for lessons broke up into groups of 5-6.

Discussions. Honestly, i do NOT like it when people dont contribute. Better still, in addition to not contributing much, they chat. About something that isnt pertaining to the discussion, OR the lecture. No offence to anyone. I know everyone talks bout their own little little stuff during lectures. some people even talk the whole way. I'm too am guilty of it at times. But i still strongly believe that there's a time and place for everything. Talking, fine. During Discussions however, if not much contributions given, and everyone else is thinking, speak less about personal stuff, think more, and u benefit only yourselve. Sigh. i'm blogging this not because i'm against anyone in particular. It also partially serves as a gentle reminder to everyone reading this, and myself so to speak. Towards the last discussion. Everyone was drained, n only in the mood of gettin out of there (that includes myself)

4 hours of listening 2 calls, straight. Its against any logic, but listening to others answering calls, is even more tiring that answering calls on my own. Killer. Clever me, skipped dinner, cuz i wasnt hungry. by 9, i was ready to kill a cow, and gobble it down. Bones and all.

Went for supper, filled my stomach, headed over to ziyu's place to get the pants that eric bought for me :)... on my way home, i got to know that he's losing badly.. kinda badly, and obviously wasnt in the best of moods. Similarly, i started to slowly slowy slowwwly creep into my own world of depressing darkness w/o any light at the end of the tunnel. (was the exit sealed or what!?!!!) Great... Bad self response to a bad metaphor. Kinda lost my way on my way back. Ziyu said turn right. BUT IT'S TURN LEFT!!!. so went frm bukit batok, 2 hill view, and finally back home. sigh

Bought parking coupons which i've ran out of, 1 booklet of overnight, 1 booklet of $1. Parked, tore the coupon. and FUCK! tore JUNE instead of JULY. mistook it for the DAY instead of MONTH. its ok. curse n swear. calmed myself, and started tearing the remaining 5. and DOUBLE FUCK, tore every 1/2 hour! its supposed to last an hour damn it! Stupidity. tiredness. carelessness. suehness. i know.

When i got home. Mum got up, asked why i got back so late. Well, told the truth!! Supper, got stuff from my friend. She went on... and i said i Lost my Way home at bukit batok. sigh... she said "POOR THING..." yea.. poor thing indeed. Thankfully, i went into the showers in time, w/o her continuing her scrutiny, and incessant ranting about why i shouldnt reach home that late. THANKFULLY she didnt see the tears that were so close to falling.

Now u see, the worst person to be mad at is yourself. Cuz u wont stop blaming yourself for whatever that's happened, you cant scold anyone when u're angry, u cant complain to anyone since it's YOURSELF u're pissed at, and worst of all. You only fear that tmr wld be just the same as today........

Dumb ass me. Excuse me. while i go wallow in self pity, wait for eric's msg that doesnt seem to come, and type those messy notes copied to day, which i myself cant comprehend.

"Fuck off vaL. u loser!"

4th july. Stressipendent day

while i'm waiting for my hair to dry i'd juz blog. since there's no one online at tis un-earthly hour. P/S: i'm god damn tired. and i do mean the tears oozing, body aching, pimple popping, body heat rising, ulcer swelling tired. (get the drift?)

Lets just say tt i fell asleep at bout 5am, got up at 830am. And my day started as early as such. 4th july. independence day. great. the day where i feel most vulnerable. and ever weary. 1. School 2. Work. Why must both coincide so precisely!? to the point where i've got no breathing space/sms time!!! and im literally brain dead. Alright. i AM exaggarating a little. But do hear me out. or rather, lemme rant it all, cuz its not every 4th of July that i feel so constricted. Independence day!? my pretty ass! To me, its the start of hectic/frantic mind boggling work/study lifestyle. Aint sayin tt i cant take it. Just say tt it's gona b tough. euGh.

School
met up with ivan for lunch, and time passed damn slowly at al ameen.. got a $30 summon! sigh. havent got the strength 2 curse n swear anymore. Its due to my carelessness anyway. Lesson learnt, point noted. After the bad stuff, here comes the stress...

Out of 4 mandatory texts, 2 are sold out! like WTH!? Isnt it the 1st day of school!?!?!Nevertheless, Next up was a lecture full of girls, weird looking guys, and stress. Projs are REALLY gonna b due in 5 weeks. Lots of books and references needed, not enough books in the lib 2 go around, aint got enough proJ members for 1 subject. Not like there's much to worry about, but there's no room for slacking, since handouts are basically gonna b quite blank, and i've got the gr8 big task of figuring out what's goin on, n what's important. sigh. Guess i've been out of touch for too long a period of time. Time 2 start the engine!!!

Work
First day of live calls, scared the shits out of me! If u didnt see any butterflies around these days, they're prolly all in my stomache! scaared the shits out of myself. But it went fine nevertheless. Thanx to the patient senior that was helping out at the side. Some ppl aint that lucky to get a patient one.. pheW... Wonder how i did. Not up 2 expectation definately. but at least there's someone by my side. so it isnt that bad... on thursday, i'd b ON MY OWN. *panic*

k, i obviously am NOT in the mood 2 spruce things up and make things seem as tiring and stressful as it really is. feel dead.

It's just the first day, and it's because i aint used to it!!!! its always the begining that's tough, and it'll only get better! i Know it will. Be it school or work. It definately wiLL work out. and i'd do just fine. if i aint got Faith in myself, who wld!? GAMBATTE VAL! right... seems like i'm forcing the inner ME to agree tt it'll work out... but who cares! as long as it really does get better. hah..

im off to bed!

Lyd left..

Home at long last. Celebrated eric's mom n bro's bdae last night, with me hlping out in the creation of some dishes. My "Major" contribution, goes to scrubbing the dirty mud crabs, putting eggs on the noodles, cutting fruits, wiping table, basically being the extra "leg" in the kitchen. ahem. its a great improvement!!!!!!! glad to know i'm getting along fine with all of them even w/o eric in the hse.

Juz got back frm changi airport.. Poor eric had to ride frm the EAST of sg to the WEST of sg back to town.. pheW.. really appreciate it tho.. lydia left for melb.. for good?? i guess for now.. Kinda happy that she's there at last. At least i know she'd be happier with her bf by her side. There'd b someone intimate enough to share the joy laughter pain and all else that goes along in the relationship.

Today's officially my last day of freedom. Tmr's independence day.. the irony of it all would be ME losing all of it on 4th JULY! There'd b lessons 4days a week, and tmr's the 1st day of another phase of training. LIVE CALLS. its really freaking me out.

To top things up, my eyes are heavy, i'm sleepy, my shoulders are aching, i've got the toughest of all tests which ive GOT TO do well tonight, i havent start studying, and i've lost the will power to stay awake. someone.. HELP!?

boring post. i know. I'd post a better, neater, nicer, more interesting one tonight. That's if i've got that extra ounce of energy. till then!

SIM Group proj

Poly taught the importance of good group members. With good group members (just afew of them) projs would be a breeze. Doing work would be FUN and Scoring good proj grades would be secondary. As proven in 3rd yr of poly...

Cant belive i'm actually gathering group members BEFORE school starts. It was initially just myself prisc n lyly.. Upon knowing tt lyly has already FORMED her own group, prisc n i panicked... no way i'd wanna end up with 3 or 4 slackers who give shit work and believe in working individually for a group proj.

Kiasu side of me's forming.. i desperately need to form a group ASAP! esp when projs are due just 5 weeks after skool starts. That spells bad news doesnt it. if i'm gonna have an easy time in SIM, i've gotta cut down on the amt of work i do on behalf of others. Loss time, opportunity cost. call it anything. No free-riders tis time. I insist. Because i aint got spare time to donate.. sigh..

hope all works well.