i'm pissed off with
MYSELF
right. Lets see. so it's a $30 summon last week, $30 summon the day before, and.. $20 summon 2day. What a way to start the day. Ggggreeeattt.. well, to apease myself, i came to the justification that it's just $50 note, and "keep the change auntie Fatimah"
Next up. NO handouts at lectures. Better still. wanna stimulate creative thinking? I'm perfectly fine with it. and there he goes, Mr. Peter Burrows, rattling on and on about certain paradigms, and i swear the only paradigm i know is "Planet Paradigm".. the NTUC club!. (Para-dim, Para-dime).. any way u wanna pronounce it. Not many understood, not many catched wat he was saying, and it really came as a shock. And so, about 150 people minus the 20 odd who decided not to turn up for lessons broke up into groups of 5-6.
Discussions. Honestly, i do NOT like it when people dont contribute. Better still, in addition to not contributing much, they chat. About something that isnt pertaining to the discussion, OR the lecture. No offence to anyone. I know everyone talks bout their own little little stuff during lectures. some people even talk the whole way. I'm too am guilty of it at times. But i still strongly believe that there's a time and place for everything. Talking, fine. During Discussions however, if not much contributions given, and everyone else is thinking, speak less about personal stuff, think more, and u benefit only yourselve. Sigh. i'm blogging this not because i'm against anyone in particular. It also partially serves as a gentle reminder to everyone reading this, and myself so to speak. Towards the last discussion. Everyone was drained, n only in the mood of gettin out of there (that includes myself)
4 hours of listening 2 calls, straight. Its against any logic, but listening to others answering calls, is even more tiring that answering calls on my own. Killer. Clever me, skipped dinner, cuz i wasnt hungry. by 9, i was ready to kill a cow, and gobble it down. Bones and all.
Went for supper, filled my stomach, headed over to ziyu's place to get the pants that eric bought for me :)... on my way home, i got to know that he's losing badly.. kinda badly, and obviously wasnt in the best of moods. Similarly, i started to slowly slowy slowwwly creep into my own world of depressing darkness w/o any light at the end of the tunnel. (was the exit sealed or what!?!!!) Great... Bad self response to a bad metaphor. Kinda lost my way on my way back. Ziyu said turn right. BUT IT'S TURN LEFT!!!. so went frm bukit batok, 2 hill view, and finally back home. sigh
Bought parking coupons which i've ran out of, 1 booklet of overnight, 1 booklet of $1. Parked, tore the coupon. and FUCK! tore JUNE instead of JULY. mistook it for the DAY instead of MONTH. its ok. curse n swear. calmed myself, and started tearing the remaining 5. and DOUBLE FUCK, tore every 1/2 hour! its supposed to last an hour damn it! Stupidity. tiredness. carelessness. suehness. i know.
When i got home. Mum got up, asked why i got back so late. Well, told the truth!! Supper, got stuff from my friend. She went on... and i said i Lost my Way home at bukit batok. sigh... she said "POOR THING..." yea.. poor thing indeed. Thankfully, i went into the showers in time, w/o her continuing her scrutiny, and incessant ranting about why i shouldnt reach home that late. THANKFULLY she didnt see the tears that were so close to falling.
Now u see, the worst person to be mad at is yourself. Cuz u wont stop blaming yourself for whatever that's happened, you cant scold anyone when u're angry, u cant complain to anyone since it's YOURSELF u're pissed at, and worst of all. You only fear that tmr wld be just the same as today........
Dumb ass me. Excuse me. while i go wallow in self pity, wait for eric's msg that doesnt seem to come, and type those messy notes copied to day, which i myself cant comprehend.
"Fuck off vaL. u loser!"
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