Pre school Blues

Its especially hard to get to work after a long time off. The usual plesant sounding voice came out as a mere croak, and the tonality of my voice was FLAT. Dead flat. I dont remember who, but someone commented tt i sounded like a trans over the phone. I am so dead.

Feel as tho im being too harsh on James, and i should let lose a little. What's it with me not wanting to see him at all!? I dont want to see his msgs, answer his calls, not even see him for one last time. I know there's no such thing as a ONE LAST TIME. It wld only lead to "many more times". Guess i badly wanted everything to end. To those who dont already know, girls are Cold blooded creatures. Once they set their mind to cut something loose, their determination's gonna be really strong. To be mean to him, is also being kind to him. In the long run.

Stupid analogies... but Some relationships are like......

• Wearing braces.

It'll feel bad at first, you get acustomed to it, and it'll turn out beautiful.

• Binge eating.

You Choke urself up with anything, Do too much of Everything, and end up puking everything out. Leaving yourself feeling empty, and having nothing.

• The role of a mother.

You give everything for the relationship, want nothing in return, only to find out that your other half only "silently" appreciates. Tough Chore.

• Fairy Tale.

Boy love girl, girl love boy. Married. Have kids. Go to heaven. We're all old enough to know that fairy tales NEVER come true.

• The landlord

Very Routined. At a certain time, you do certain things. Justlike how landlords never fail to collect rent everymonth.

Stupid i know. hah.

Side note: Here's what im gona do with my life. Im gona

• Work and earn $$. So that i'd have enough for monthly mini sprees.
• Save bulk of my $$ for my long awaited year end trip.
• Study consistently and make sure i dont cramp everything till exams,
• PLAN and make sure ive got Leave for year end holidays
• Be INDEPENDENT and not rely too much on any particular person for emotional support.
• Learn to live with just me, myself, and val. Everyone else is a bonus to have.
• Give back to everyone else that has been there for me. Be there for them.
• Make my pig sty a NEAT ONE! pack constantly and not wait till it's fit for a sow to live in.
• Walk in the right way of god.
• Be a better person in the months to come.

Having a distant goal... is better than having none at all. Well, now that i DO know what i want.. All ive gotta do is WORK towards it! =) FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL tomorrow. How unexciting. Its gona be 1 day of school, 2 days of missing school (for a very valid reason).. and 5 more months of missing something else.