17 Aug, Thursday. Quite an eventful day i must say. One of the most dramatic days ive lived tru in this mere 21 yrs of my life. (nope, details not included) while i was hibernating away in room, Des came in and informed that my friend was at the door. WHO could it be!? at this hour!?!?
When i went to the door, it was james.. What else could i do? i mean.. he's already at the door.. I invited him in of course. He mentioned that he's been up here a couple of times, but never had the courage to press the bell. Lucky for him today, cuz bro's home. or else id never have heard the bell. neither would i have open the door i guess. Mental note. Inform bro not to let him in, in order to save me from another akward situation.
He came to ask me back. To talk things out. He promised a better future and that he finally knew that I AM THE ONE. I really start to wonder.. when you're in a relationship (especially at this age), enter the relationship with an assumption that ur partner is prolly gona stay by ur side and u're gona get married if things go well in the next few years. I mean... being attached.. is something like a promise.. aint it!?
When he was with me... and where i WAS his girlfriend, he didnt have that "feeling" for me. (till now i've still got no idea what that "feeling" thing is about). Soooo he loved me.. YET there was no "feeling" .. where i can go purchase that "feeling" thing!?. Cuz its no where to be found aparently. I tried means and ways to acquire and instill that "feeling" in him. but failed miserably tho... or we wouldnt have parted.
Am i right to say that ONE FINE DAY when he realizes that YES VAL"S THE ONE, then good for him cuz im still with him.... and if he decides that "NO SHE ISNT THE ONE" then good bye to me... and all this while ive stayed with him was in vain!? sudden thought, what if he broke ths "lack of feeling" news to me in 7 years!?!?!?! hah. i told him straight off that he's selfish. and NO. im not going back with him. its over.
Ive got a happy life now. He did mention that there's risk in the new relationship too! Yes that's for sure. Here's an analogy, if you drive, you'd prolly get into a car accident somehow or other, be it how good a driver u are. so would u rather buy a NEW car with less risk, or a 2nd car, who's failed you time and again!? The choice is clear, im a risk taker, and im a sucker for new stuff.. Im happy with al now. Al's my new car, and this trusty new car will not fail me... hence, stashing the chance of "scraping" this new car. Im really really happy driving my new car. It feels as tho for once, ive found myself the right car, and taken the right seat.
James asked for a 2nd chance. I told him it isnt the SECOND chance. it's the THIRD. When the 2nd chance was given, it was after i damaged his car, and we made up after that. he said the feelings was back. Hey Hey hey!! but these feelings left shortly after... too late..
This is the last and final pic im gona post with him.
Ive always liked this shot, felt it was artistic, But there're many ways to intepret a picture.
This shot's bout the 2 of us. facing 2 different directions, back to back. i look a tad dreamy, while james posture looks as tho he was pissed and in command for sure.
That was life back then. Him in command, me UNDER his command, living in my dream..
That was in the past.
Ive awaken from this dream. and he's no longer in command.
Shall skip the finer details of yesterday. bahhh.. but his presense did have an "effect" on me. He had a test that day. and i was a lil worried. he's been screwing up his life, not sleeping well at night.. this n that... That morning, when he sat right before me. i knew it was over. I didnt feel that "thing" for him anymore. i didnt have the "urge" to hug him like before, neither did i feel like im the "star" of the show. Im like a bystander all of a sudden.
The whole 1 hr plus i was talking, i faced the balcony, looking at the bouquet of flowers al gave me. The flowers are withering away, but it spells promises and a future. When i looked back at james, i knew it... canot lar.. really canot. The feelings left long ago... Months back. Guess i just didnt have the courage to admit it back then. Till i met al.
James and i parted on a good note. he wished me well, and wished i could be happy. I feel the same. Good bye James. I should never have given in, neither shld i have got together with you. Id have saved us both the agony. Both good and bad memories of James are fading.. Im quite a dory fish... with all these said... I hope ive closed another chapter of my life.
His "visit" has its repecussions as well... Before i slept, had some miscommunication with al.. he thought i was having 2nd thoughts bout our r/s, and i may be leaving him for james. Silly boy. James had his chance. Now it's al's turn to take a try...
